parenting help: My son is 15. - Help.com

Well as long as he gets his education and makes it to college some how is all that matters, especially in these kind of times. You sound like a sincere caring mother who is doing her job well. Just make sure your son doesn’t become lazy and dependent on you to live and make sure he goes to college.

If you’re willing to deal with the daily trials and tribulations of getting your son home schooled and all the things that come with that, then more power to you. However, if your son is already having a hard time adjusting to a structured school environment, what makes you think that what you offer him at home is going to be better when he is going to lack the discipline and structure of a school setting. And, since you have to work and support you and him, I don’t think you can provide him with the education that he needs. Online school is fine for sick kids, and kids that might be able to get tutoring to go along with it. Can you afford the tutors that he might need when he does not understand certain subjects and you don’t have the knowledge to instill in him what he needs? You have to work everyday. You will not be able to be with him all the time. Don’t give in into his crying and pity parties that he throws for you. Your kids needs the structured school environment that is there for him to take advtange of. You are doing him a huge disfavor by taking him out of school. In the end, you will have nobody to blame but yourself if he ends up failing and becomin a somewhat productive member of society.

Once he grows up and he becomes an adult and someone you will never be able to control again, that will come back to bite you in your behind. And never mind you, it will destroy his sense of belonging and a need to interact with other kids.

You are making a big mistake.

Truth Behind Mind wrote:
make sure he goes to college.

wow, lets just automatically think theyre from america.

anyways. is he still seeing his friends? because it might be the teachers or his mind not like the fact that so many people have to be in the same place at once, not saying hes mentally disabled, if he still sees his friends try another school with less people attending. or you could get tutors a cpl times a week instead of just online to make sure he’s doing well and understanding. homeschooled kids can be verry smart. and he is ready for life as he has already learned to sociallise well unlike other homeschooled kids. it could just be the pressures of the workload at school he doesnt like. more likely this then the amount of people. but it should turn out ok. and he could always do a trade job. im not sure how it works but in australia you can leave school at 15 and do an apprentaship or something. and here working in the mines brought home lots of money, just atm with the kindoffrecession not so good at finding jobs

I think the most important thing he needs to learn is how to learn. If he’s leaving school he must be able to teach himself, which he may already know how to do. An education is only as good as what you are able to apply from what you learn and the networks of people you meet.

I dropped out of school at 17. I didn’t think I knew everything there was to know. I just didn’t feel I was in an environment where I could grow and perform. I got my GED and went on to get my college degree. Later I went to grad school and then started my own business. My motivation has always been internal and unrelated to educational institutions though I recognize the role they play in shaping the workforce. I wouldn’t consider my life a failure or hopeless case. If I had to talk to someone who doesn’t like school I wouldn’t berate them about leaving so much as finding what they have an interest in and seeing whether that interest can grow into something that can provide the financial support they need for the kind of life they want to live. Find out what your son wants in life and see if he can realistically achieve it without a formal education. Also, explain that perhaps a formal education (while troubling for reasons known to him) may be the quickest way to a lifestyle he may enjoy.

well you have done the bnest part as a mother i really apriciate it.
but still he doesnt like go to school,try to find out what he wanted to do and if its a good thing help him for that.
there are people in this world never went to school but they are not looser sone of them very big people.
what ever is that one day he will feel that why you said go to school

Anonymous wrote:
[quote Truth Behind Mind] make sure he goes to college.

wow, lets just automatically think theyre from america.

Was that comment even Necessary?

the job market is getting pretty competitive out so it would be wise for him to seek some sort of higher education whether it be a technical field such as welding, mechanic, etc or a university. its possible for your son to still be successful without going to school but he really needs to be talented or have something to offer that others will not. for example: some people are just born to be great public speakers and thats not something that can be learned in school or some people are amazingly skilled with computers without taking classes. your son should be realistic that without school things will be much harder for him.

One more thing to consider. You mentioned he’s ‘creative’. Perhaps you should try to see if he has an interest in an art/design college. There’s value in that if only for the network of creative types he could build from. Say he wants to be in a band, many singers/bands are groups of people who met in art school. Say he wants to be a designer of some sort. Again, great place to hone his skills.

Hey, you said “do you know people who’ve messed up in school and still turned out ok?” - who says he’s messing up?? There are some VERY successful people out there that dropped out of high school without online courses or anything. School is NOT for everyone! The classic example is Einstein failed his math classes. Some people just don’t learn in that kind of environment. That doesn’t mean those people are stupid or “screw-ups” - it just means they choose a different path than the normal population. There is nothing wrong with that. =)

It’s not your fault for him failing interest in school. I live in America, and know that at least here, there’s a big problem with schools losing the interest of the students. I’ve had a huge struggle with it myself. I think the problem is that school is too confining. It takes the natural joy out of learning by forcing students to study subjects they don’t see the value in, and having to follow a strict curriculum that doesnt allow for passionate pursuit of subjects of interest. And then there’s a whole social aspect to deal with. I know a girl who became homeschooled because she couldnt stand dealing with some of her peers - she wasn’t bullied, she just hated being forced to stay around people she didnt like. She’s very intelligent and does research on academic subjects she’s interested in, even though she’s not required to.
To be honest, there are some pretty valid reasons to not want to attend school. Maybe your some has a similar problem with school. That doesnt mean he has a dislike for education though.

Sometimes success in school is made out to be “THE REST OF YOUR LIFE” — I know this pressure first hand. It’s not true. You said that he’s smart, creative, and has good friends. I’d say that’s pretty successful on his own! People need to do things their own way, and sometimes that doesnt involve the conventional path, but that doesn’t mean that those people aren’t successful and happy. Those are words that you define as an individual. Ultimately, as much as you can try to help him find it, it is your son who will find out what makes him happy/successful. School doesnt do that for everyone.

I don’t disagree with you when you say “school is important” - but it’s important because school is supposed to educate. If you can find another way that educates your son just a well, there should be no problemo.

What I would suggest is looking for a less conventional option to highschool. If online courses aren’t working out with him or don’t challenge him enough, maybe you could find a different provider for online courses. You could also look into the different types of schools in your area - sometimes it’s surprising to see what types of different, non-conventional schools are out there. If anything, at least get him to get something equal to a diploma (like GED) and see what else you need to do (like if he doesnt have the grades, community service looks good) to help him have a wide range of options for good colleges.

Honestly though, I think he’ll be fine. He sounds like a really good kid, and I can tell you really care about him and support him, and I think that’s what matters most. And I’m not just saying that. =)

Hope my long-winded reply here helped!

yeah i hated school up until about a year ago and now ive graduated so it isnt always bad to screw around in school hes probly showing off for some girl he likes lol!

Anonymous wrote:

Truth Behind Mind wrote:
make sure he goes to college.

wow, lets just automatically think theyre from america.

What? How does that even make sense, America and England both have college.
What was the point of even saying that anyway, you knew it was a stupid d*ckish thing to say, thats why you posted it anonymously

darknessandstar wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Truth Behind Mind wrote:
make sure he goes to college.

wow, lets just automatically think theyre from america.

What? How does that even make sense, America and England both have college.
What was the point of even saying that anyway, you knew it was a stupid d*ckish thing to say, thats why you posted it anonymously

Tell me about it, haha.

The only reason you should get him back into school is to learn social skills and not to be alienated. Schools function is way far to overexaggerated. Really.

Before you stop listening as this controversial advice, you must get your son thinking of careers he want to do when hes older. This may involve taking him to certain places of work now while hes off school. When he has a good idea of what he wants to do (which may take a while), then he will have the drive to attend school in a more focused way. Please take my advice.

You asked do you know any1… Yea me, without banging on to much about myself, I wanted to do business, I was expelled from 4 schools in 4 years and only attend 3% of the school in those years. Then I found out I liked business I went to college at 15 (as schools would not take me anymore) and I attended 33%. Every lecturer said I would fail my exams, I passed with flying colours. I knew my own capabilities and I knew I there were far greater places to learn than school. (What I didnt know was the social effect). I then started work at 16 as a junior accountant, ran my 1st commercial business at 22 (not owned by me), and now I am looking to make that all important step of owning and managing my 1st business. Im not sure how it will go yet, but I am confident/hopeful.

Maybe you son can read this post??? Also maybe some books from the likes of Richard Branson, Duncan Valatine, Theo Pathisis, That other Australian off dragon dens (cant remember his name) will help??? They all failed school, the aussie especially though, he ended up a steet chess player!!! Please remember though, SCHOOLS BIGGEST CONTRIBUTION ARE SOCIAL SKILLS, HE MAY FIND HIS FUTURE SOCIAL LIFE DIFFICULT WITHOUT SCHOOLING!!

Did you have him tested for “gifted and talented”? He may be bored. Do you have a Sylvan Learning Institute where you are? I hear they are pretty good. I don’t know what they cost. My sister home schooled her daughters because school changed from when we were in school. Your son sounds like one of mine. He hated school. We lived in Japan when he was in elementary school. When we came to the states, he ran into a bully. After a few weeks of this, there was a fight. They wanted to suspend him, although he was standing up for himself. We laughed. Suspending a kid who hated school? That would have been a reward. Anyway, they always say there is no problem at school, when there really is; they are afraid that if they tell you, you will confront the problem and make it worse. Lots of luck. These few years will feel like hell, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have my own problems, really. It touches me you asked, I didnt meet my dad and my mothers has terrible mental issues. I dabbled in drugs very very early and the only person that has saved me god bless her, is my grandmother. Shes 67 now and I dont know I’ll do without her. I have no understanding family and only 2 friends (you see I will not accept bad company as friendship, I learnt this very young). For all my wisdoms I suffer great pain and lonelyness. Sometimes I feel if I attended school I wouldnt feel that way.

One flip the side though I have a beautiful budding absolutely gorgeous out this world 8yr old daughter, who already acheives some of the simple things I still havent acheived yet. I stay strong for her and hope I will sort my, (what some would call) simple or trival difficulties out at a later stage. I also try to give her warm words of wisdom at an early age to prepare her for the world she is about to live in, good morals, clear vision and guidance as such…

Your son will be fine, be there for him, listen to him thats the most important thing, You said his dad died. He probably feels a passion to take on the responsibility of manhood himself now. (He might not even realise that about himself, if this is the case). Just make sure as he takes his steps into the world he knows someone is truly there for him coz it really can be a hard world if you have nowhere to turn. Also make sure he talks a lot, so you can trurly understand him. A lot of dealing with any probelm personal or business is down to deep discussion of the topic and making light of the crooks. Then as a group you can take positive steps forward. For me this would be the ideal mother/father role, not to take the steps but to shepard along the way.

If he ends up like me, the only meet people he’ll meet will be in admiration or utter contempt of him. But very very rarely an equal - thats what I truly desire, someone to talk on the level to. And I only find that here, 2 friends, and grandma. And daughter to a certain degree, I cant appreciate them enough.(But I do think its sad I find it hard to mix with my age group or find similar minded people) I put that down to schoollife.

So many of us are now moulded by instutions, society, structures in my opinion but when you never had these things you find it so difficult to mix in society though you may be able to see the pluses and minuses of such things.

PS The reason I dont mix with ones who admire me is its usually a monetary factor their admiration, not an admiration of the soul or heart. Guess Im too deep for many people haha. I love my head cases, they are so unique in what they offer and such individuals.

Well i know i didnt want to go to school for a month because it was a new city a school new everything! so i begged my mom not to go because at that time i had no friends and i didnt know wat to do so all i wood do is sit there in class do the work and not talk at all and most of time ebding up talking to my self……. but for the question that if you mess up in school you’ll be ok…well my moms sisters well my aunts did very poorly in high school and didnt even go to college becuase of it and they work real hard and turned out more than fine …..i dont know if that helps….but i hope it does! and thnx for replying for mine !

Anonymous wrote:

Truth Behind Mind wrote:
make sure he goes to college.

and he is ready for life as he has already learned to sociallise well unlike other homeschooled kids.

This is a very misinformed statement. I have had a fair amount of personal contact with the homeschooled community, and one thing I can say for absolute certainty is that social skills were at the top of the list they excel at is social communication skills.

I’ll give you my best impartial response to the situation as you presented it. Your son played the spoiled brat bluff card and you bit and folded. All you have managed to demonstrate to your son is that when life gets tough, you can whine/cry/plead to get your way to a more ‘cush’ lifestyle. What will he do when he’s older and he isn’t particularly happy with doing what his boss tells him at work, or paying the bills?

Now onto the segment not titled ‘you did a bad thing’. If your son really hates the structure of a public school setting, perhaps he will do better in an alternative school i.e. a military academy. Also, I have a feeling your son may be one who is not a traditional learner. What I mean by this is that he may prefer a less book heavy and more hands on learning style. Does he have hobbies/interests in mechanical vocations (car tinkering, carpentry, building/upgrading computers). If that is the case, he may be better off focusing on a path that will give him specific trade skills to lead to a productive career. He may be better suited as an entrepreneur. Does he seem to have good ’street smarts’? Is he a charismatic speaker? If so, couple those talents to any interests he has that could lead to a small business model around them. Just because he doesn’t like the strict book learning model of public schools doesn’t necessarily doom him to a life of poverty/crime/drugs etc. that many blowhards would espouse.

I think it very important for you to have a very direct candid conversation with him about these issues. Its obvious that you care, or you wouldn’t be asking for help. Good luck.

zubbs1 wrote:
I’ll give you my best impartial response to the situation as you presented it. Your son played the spoiled brat bluff card and you bit and folded. All you have managed to demonstrate to your son is that when life gets tough, you can whine/cry/plead to get your way to a more ‘cush’ lifestyle. What will he do when he’s older and he isn’t particularly happy with doing what his boss tells him at work, or paying the bills?

Now onto the segment not titled ‘you did a bad thing’. If your son really hates the structure of a public school setting, perhaps he will do better in an alternative school i.e. a military academy. Also, I have a feeling your son may be one who is not a traditional learner. What I mean by this is that he may prefer a less book heavy and more hands on learning style. Does he have hobbies/interests in mechanical vocations (car tinkering, carpentry, building/upgrading computers). If that is the case, he may be better off focusing on a path that will give him specific trade skills to lead to a productive career. He may be better suited as an entrepreneur. Does he seem to have good ’street smarts’? Is he a charismatic speaker? If so, couple those talents to any interests he has that could lead to a small business model around them. Just because he doesn’t like the strict book learning model of public schools doesn’t necessarily doom him to a life of poverty/crime/drugs etc. that many blowhards would espouse.

I think it very important for you to have a very direct candid conversation with him about these issues. Its obvious that you care, or you wouldn’t be asking for help. Good luck.

I don’t think you’ve got a “jar of glue”;

PINK FLOYD: “WE DONT NEED NO EDUCATION, WE DON’T NEED NO THOUGHT CONTROL, DARK SARCARSM IN THE CLASSROOM, HEY TEACHERS, LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!”

Go your military schools, and speak to me when your boss gives you a promotion.

NoGifts, your son has all the tell signs that hes seriously bored in school, if all carries on the way it is (stays in school) he might start to mix with the wrong crowd.

I was the most popular lad in the 4 schools I went out of my year, I was good looking smart and very good at the major sports here in UK.

Still I didnt learn socialising because I never spoke to anyone on my level. Please take what you can from Zubbs advice, but if I could rewind the clock Zubbs? you get shrubed Im sorry.

cardozastefa wrote:

zubbs1 wrote:
I’ll give you my best impartial response to the situation as you presented it. Your son played the spoiled brat bluff card and you bit and folded. All you have managed to demonstrate to your son is that when life gets tough, you can whine/cry/plead to get your way to a more ‘cush’ lifestyle. What will he do when he’s older and he isn’t particularly happy with doing what his boss tells him at work, or paying the bills?

Now onto the segment not titled ‘you did a bad thing’. If your son really hates the structure of a public school setting, perhaps he will do better in an alternative school i.e. a military academy. Also, I have a feeling your son may be one who is not a traditional learner. What I mean by this is that he may prefer a less book heavy and more hands on learning style. Does he have hobbies/interests in mechanical vocations (car tinkering, carpentry, building/upgrading computers). If that is the case, he may be better off focusing on a path that will give him specific trade skills to lead to a productive career. He may be better suited as an entrepreneur. Does he seem to have good ’street smarts’? Is he a charismatic speaker? If so, couple those talents to any interests he has that could lead to a small business model around them. Just because he doesn’t like the strict book learning model of public schools doesn’t necessarily doom him to a life of poverty/crime/drugs etc. that many blowhards would espouse.

I think it very important for you to have a very direct candid conversation with him about these issues. Its obvious that you care, or you wouldn’t be asking for help. Good luck.

I don’t think you’ve got a “jar of glue”;

PINK FLOYD: “WE DONT NEED NO EDUCATION, WE DON’T NEED NO THOUGHT CONTROL, DARK SARCARSM IN THE CLASSROOM, HEY TEACHERS, LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!”

Go your military schools, and speak to me when your boss gives you a promotion.

NoGifts, your son has all the tell signs that hes seriously bored in school, if all carries on the way it is (stays in school) he might start to mix with the wrong crowd.

I was the most popular lad in the 4 schools I went out of my year, I was good looking smart and very good at the major sports here in UK.

Still I didnt learn socialising because I never spoke to anyone on my level. Please take what you can from Zubbs advice, but if I could rewind the clock Zubbs? you get shrubed Im sorry.

Oh yea and sorry, if your son feels he wants a cushier number, he get the moral I have to work harder and smarter for it, Zubb im sorry but…
Get him thinkin of a career for gods sake, what the point in schools (any schools) if your not going to put them to practice. Is this not a simple observation? I think your doesnt know what he wants to do yet, but he’s sure school isnt satisifying his creative mind or ambition.

KAYNE WEST: THERE AINT NO TUITION FOR HAVING NO AMBITION.

Please make sure your son doesnt lose his ambition this is when he’ll fall into the wrong crowd. And also when he feels, theres nothin around he wants to do. (ie cant do this, cant do that, cant do the other)…

Zubbs you have touched my buttons m8, if you wana thrash it out sound…

Society tell your son he go to work, boll~*cks whos gona stop him, he aunts and uncles can all take him on the job with them.

cardozastefa wrote:
Society tell your son he go to work, boll~*cks whos gona stop him, he aunts and uncles can all take him on the job with them.

society tells your son he cant go to work sorry…

Thanks for your reply. I am from Malaysia. Nice to meet you. so, what do you think if your son study in a multiethnic environment? what is the advantage of studying in a multiethnic school? What he can learn from it? I have a friend who has a same situation with your son. She is older than your son (forget her age). she no go to school and have a home schooling. She went for tuition where i met with her. She look ok and have a good attitude. She is a Christian and always go to church. so, that is why she is friendly and has many friend. I think you can bring your son go to church and let him make many friend and participate many activities so that he can become a socialize boy.

It takes the village to raise a child
give the boy til 7 and Ill show you the man

He is following your example, he wants to work and earn money for himself and be the head of his household, you’ve show him these skills time and time since he was a child.

Shepards dont push the sheep, be there for him shepard him along the way…

The personal reward for most boys leading into manhood are holding your own household, and knowing what it takes to do it. Your right he is a child he wont have all the answers yet, but do you think hes going to find them in modern day stentifical socialitical society??

He might could still be so mislead without a shepard… Drugs, sleeping round, steriods and fighting, ganstaism, greed, riches, selfishess etc, thats what I see when I look at the picture as a whole…

Whats important is he knows himself, he gains true knowledge…

Sorry for rabbitin haha, you just got me going :p :)))

Are you seeing the other aspects to it now??? Other ways to punish and reward him??

To Kitty, education in life never stops its just where you go to get it…

If I wanted to be a doctor Id go to a hospital, Id learn and go through the processes of what they had to do…

There are different education systems and cultures all over the world, some people need educating in different things before they put their own life in perspective.

Ie In Africa they dont have many schools or more to the point teachers, they have large areas that dont use sign posting, literature etc…the result not many can read and write so that is a major priority…

In most teh western world now academics are as important and life skills, Id be amazed by an African bush man, 1st step of education wanting to learn, 2nd step find the right teacher, 3rd step finding where that teacher is…

Without being a conspriasist, why should the west learn all the academics?? So we have greater techonology, technology to make us destroy? Do you really think we get the latest gadgets?? The army has them well before we do, to keep us under control… If theres corruption thats another thing. And really is it corrupt from the start because the goverment only get the knowledge from the working people themselves to control them..

Blow your mind hey girl.

cardozastefa wrote:
It takes the village to raise a child
give the boy til 7 and Ill show you the man

He is following your example, he wants to work and earn money for himself and be the head of his household, you’ve show him these skills time and time since he was a child.

Shepards dont push the sheep, be there for him shepard him along the way…

The personal reward for most boys leading into manhood are holding your own household, and knowing what it takes to do it. Your right he is a child he wont have all the answers yet, but do you think hes going to find them in modern day stentifical socialitical society??

He might could still be so mislead without a shepard… Drugs, sleeping round, steriods and fighting, ganstaism, greed, riches, selfishess etc, thats what I see when I look at the picture as a whole…

Whats important is he knows himself, he gains true knowledge…

Sorry for rabbitin haha, you just got me going :p :)))

Are you seeing the other aspects to it now??? Other ways to punish and reward him??

scientifical socialitical society?? that was suppose to say, sorry…

in a nutshell

i think you are doing a great job. a lot of children (including me when I was young) rebel again things simply because they are told to do them. You may find that now that you aren’t forcing him to go to school, staying home has lost its appeal. For many kids, being force to do something makes them push just as hard against it, but when its up to them, they may see it’s actually in their best interest.

Also, just be careful also not to take care of everything for him. Stop helping him in certain things and let him be independent. he will soon realize that life isn’t easy and he actually has it good to have a mother who provides for him. (I just say this because of 2 men i dated previously whose mother’s provided everything for them, and they never were really able to grow up). It’s a mother’s nature to provide, but it can benefit children to have to figure some things out on their own. (

Both my parents never finished high school and they turned out perfectly fine. But that was only because they had me (lol). But they were fantastic! My dad was extremely smart, he just never really wanted to go so he dropped out.

My children are very young - And any wisdom I give you would be flawed.
Except, when I was at school - I hated it. Through being bullied - Then the bulling stopped. I lost interest in learning.

My parents where going through a sticky divorce at the time.

As best as you can - Be supportive.

Being a parent now myself, of two young children - I have reasoned to think this: This life is already so very hard, why make it harder for them.

I just wish my parents had thought that about me, when my time for learning was here.

Hi,

it is nice to know that you are a caring father …

and you did all what you can with your son …

do not worry … I have a friend who spent her life studying at home and she is very clever and she is a smart girl and when she told us that she staudied at home we were like shocked …

just try to make socialize with others as he will be away from school and kids like him … and try to find out if there is a reason behind hating the school or it is just like that …

and I hope that he will be the way you wanted him to be …

God bless you

[quote Nanaa]Hi,

it is nice to know that you are a caring father …

and you did all what you can with your son …

My children are young - Please read what I write before you give your answer.

Craig Alan wrote:
[quote Nanaa]Hi,

it is nice to know that you are a caring father …

and you did all what you can with your son …

My children are young - Please read what I write before you give your answer.

Mr Craig my answer in this part wasn`t for you… it is for nogifts…

Put him back in school. I hate it, too, but my parents would never let me stay out of it. I’ve had multiple emotional breakdowns over it. My little sister has found me in tears in my room too many times for her or my own good.

But keep him there. Its something he can never get back, and he may regret it someday. This is his only chance.

Awesome. :)

No, I’m sure i can’t. I have no kids. I’m in junior high. But still awesome.