romance help: need help resolving an unresolved breakup. - Help.com

Why do you feel he has a responsibility to you? Were you guys married and left the divorce papers unsigned? Or did you guys leave a mortgage on a house incomplete? You just want to torture yourself with the hope that he comes back to you and hopes that he gives you whatever he wishes to give you in the sentimental department.

Your sense of entitlement that he “owes” it to you to explain is wrong. Anybody with any common sense would have taken the silence treatment that he gave you as an interpretation that he was going to move on with his life. In this world when it comes to the nitty gritty, it’s every man and woman for themselves. You need to move on yourself and quit helping him or talking to him with the hope that he looks your way and tells you that he is somewhat romantically interested in you.

He dies not owe you anything. You already know that he is involved with someone else and you should move on.

Honestly, I cannot see you but I bet you look pretty pathetic waiting for him to look your way in the hopes of a romantic relationship. Quit being so needy and clingy. You have your own life to live and you should quit wasting it around this guy.

I think the muddy area is, what responsibility do two former romantic interests have to each other? We have been behaving as two cordial friends. I have a lot of regrets about how I handled my relationship with him from the start. It took a long time for me to learn and grow, which is something I did on my own. I think the problem is that I was doing it with him in mind. I wasn’t counting on having a romance with him in the future, just dreaming about it. I’m doing my best to accept reality and live according to it, I’m just reeling a little from being left in the dark so much.

well dear
it’s never easy.. sometimes we are used, we are used because we want to help.. and in the end we suffer more then maybe they did..
things happen but we don’t really know why.. that’s one of my favourite quotes.. cause you know.. maybe it was meant like that , so you have a better future, or someone else who’s better for you
a friendship based on just one side ( this time you) won’t last long. If he is asking just for help and care etc. then it’s not a friendship.
So my opinion, i’d advice you to tell him what you really feel, and see what he says , but tell him honetsly everything, if he runs away then you could never count on him.. if he feels sorry then that’s a step forward.. maybe in building a friendship:)
good luck dear.:)

Do you owe it to be respectful to someone when you break up with them? I am only wondering because I am thinking it might be better for both of us if I just stop talking to him. If I do, should I give him some sort of explanation or goodbye? I have no intention of getting in the way of his relationship with his girlfriend. It seems like he has a wonderful thing going and I do not want to be spiteful. I genuinely care about him as a person. There are some good things he did for me that he never even realized and that I was never able to thank him for. So I wonder what is the most courteous and tactful thing to do at this point - just stop talking to him, or send him some sort of message to thank him for past kindnesses and wish him well?

well dear as you feel it’s better
i’d say send him a so called ‘last message’
and in that tell him what you want to , and then just stop talking to him :)
it will be the best.. ( i should have done that too.lol.but it’s too late for me:P)
anyways good luck with it, i’m sure you’ll handle it ;)

[quote littlenick]Why do you feel he has a responsibility to you? …You just want to torture yourself with the hope that he comes back to you and hopes that he gives you whatever he wishes to give you in the sentimental department.

…Anybody with any common sense would have taken the silence treatment that he gave you as an interpretation that he was going to move on with his life….

littlenick, thanks for the reality check. In this guy’s case, it was not your normal case of silent treatment. He withdrew from everyone, and I was very concerned about him. I have never seen anyone go through what he is still going through. I think that even he couldn’t predict what his reaction would be. I just thought maybe he needed some time. He obviously was in no shape for romance and I have never tried to force it on him. I don’t want him to have something that he doesn’t choose and pursue for himself. I just had no idea that he had already made that choice. I can’t decide if he was being kind to me or unfair in not telling me that he had someone else in his life. I was trying to take care of him because I thought no one else was doing it, and I went way overboard, and he let me.

He hasn’t made such a big mistake, I suppose. He simply didn’t tell me what was going on. I don’t know what the cost was to him, but I’m a person who struggles to give someone the benefit of the doubt no matter what they are going through. The cost to me was many months spent giving to a person who didn’t really need what I was offering, because he was getting it someplace else. I can move forward without feeling too dissatisfied because I think he did benefit from the encouragement and I have grown a lot from thinking through all these months. It’s just a case of frustrated hopes and dreams, the feeling of wanting to be known and appreciated by someone who doesn’t want to know and appreciate you, of wanting to give to someone who doesn’t want to receive.

Things started out really rocky between us. It’s just a huge letdown now that I have made so much effort to straighten myself out and become the sort of person I would want to be for him, and then not have the chance to share anything with him. He motivated me to become a better person. I am grateful and sad that I can’t really share that with him.

It’s hard to trust and rely on people, even when you are in a relationship, let alone when one is over. I would say as a general rule if you do not know for sure that a person loves you (you will know if this is so I believe) then don’t rely on him, don’t trust him and don’t expect him to not be fooling around or “moving on”. Harsh I know. As far as “becoming the sort of person I would want to be for him”, that seems like a bad tactic in life to me, you should try to be the kind of person you would want to be for you.

Good luck.

move on!

Thanks for the reality check, everyone!