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Feedback please.
What do think when you read what I wrote?
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I dreamed of us.
I wanted us to be closer.
I wanted to know that you felt about me, as I do about you. But, I asked for honesty and that’s what I got. It broke my heart to hear it. It pains me to think of it. It angers me to know I’ve been a fool. I know you are not mine to love. Your fear prevents it. I struggle everyday not to love you more, because I know if I let myself… I’m only asking for pain. I hate it. It makes me regret things I’ve done, and things I’ve told you. It’s as though I gave you my heart and you threw it away. Not completely, you still want my heart. Just on a shelf where you can move as needed. Love makes people do impractical things, and knowing where I stand I have to relearn how to silence my heart and live for me. To be wiser. Love is transient, and life is short. I still want to share my life with you, just differently. I still want to share my love with you, just differently. You can’t have all my love anymore. You can’t have all my dreams anymore. I know I will love you forever. But behind the place where you broke my heart. The places that are healing now, scarred but stronger. Those places in my heart are no longer yours. I don’t know what will come of them. I won’t keep them locked up and strong, but I will safeguard them for myself. And in them I will find more love for my own life. My own dreams. I no longer dream of our future, but I plan for my life again. I’m glad I never dreamed of my wedding. For I know now it will never come. I’m glad I no longer allow myself to desire children, that door has closed. I will never have your heart, not all of it. It has been shared with too many to find all the pieces. That is why I can never love another, I gave to much of myself to you. It wouldn’t be fair to them, to only have part of my heart. It is my curse and my passion to love you. My curse to know the things I will always desire will never be. To know on my death bed that I ****** up. To no longer be able to say I have no regrets. But I will continue to respect life for what it is. To know it is short, and vast, and unknowing, and ever changing. To accept that with the good moments come the gut wrenching hours. My passion to love you… so much it hurts, so much I will always want you, so much I will always need you, so much I can’t leave you. I’m comforted to know I will always have you as a best friend, and the greatest friend of my life. I’m glad you’ve had a life so filled with love, even if the love wasn’t all for me. And with this I accept my new course in life… to be single and free and willing and strong and loving and loved… to be me.
This open post was written 6 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 105, 6, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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