Love help: I really need help now please! - Help.com

littlenick wrote:
Maybe you need to hash this out with her. Tell her that no matter what other people think it’s what you think about her what really matters. Why do you and her have to worry about what other people think. Sounds like the people around you like to see you guys angry and miserable with each other. Don’t worry about what other people think and tell her that. What really matters is how you guys feel about each other. If you guys really love each other that’s what will sustain you and keep you relationship going. Tell her that.

thanks littlenick.. but.. i did tell her that! : ( that was like the first thing that i told her when she said that other people thought she wasnt good enough… and i think all she said was something like “well its harder for me” referring to not caring what they thought…
shes not answering my texts.. and when she’s left sad before, she always answered me later…

lil_miss_ka wrote:
Tell her not to worry about what everyone else thinks or says and to just be happy in the relationship! Just help her to understand that you really really dont care what other people say and she shouldnt either. I think she’ll understand!

i did and she didnt understand! i told her more than once, but nothing.. :’(

Max wrote:
Thanks for the invite, but I’m afraid I’m not real good with this topic. I call them as I see them. If it’s not fantastic now….it won’t be better later. To ignore these issues and not acknowledge people close to both, will only surface and cause more stress later.

You both sound very young and in the middle of the learning process:) Good luck. I hope you’re able to work this out. Honesty is the best policy with your soul mate:)

thats alright, thanks for coming max..
by “it” not being fantastic, do you mean me and her??
honesty is supposed to be best, but i felt like i was honest with her, and now she wont talk to me, when all i did was try to make her realize that i cared so much more about her than what other people think that i was willing to blow off my friends who said they thought i could do better to be with her.. and shes not talking to me.. gahhHH!! :’(

ChavyWasabi wrote:
This is what I think my friend. She’s scared that you will wined up dumping her, cause “she’s not good enough for you” or so she believes. And she believes so cause there is someone who told her or is telling her such things, and I’m sure that someone adds something like: “how long do you think this is gonna last? He will eventually find someone better, and then he’ll be done with you”.

We both know you love your girlfriend and you don’t want this to happend. In order for this not to happend I will give you some advice. The worst thing you can do is go after whoever was or is telling her this things. DON’T DO THAT! What you wan’t to do is be confident about your relationship. Confidence is contagious you know? If she see’s that you’re not scared she will begin to lose fear on losing you. Just smile at her, and tell her everything is good, and you are not worried. She will respond with a glad feeling of security and relieve.

I hope all goes well, just wanted to make you remember that my advice is not absolute, so it would be wise to search for more peoples opinions. Take care man, best of lucks!!

hey thanks a lot Jonny..
we talked it out for a while and i think she’s a bit better with it.. I dont really think they were talking her down and stuff saying that I would find someone better, because it was just her friend relaying information, from what she told me.. I wasn’t going to go after anyone, but she never told me who it was… I got a hug today but she looked kinda sad, so im not sure it was worth it..
Thanks!

Misfit wrote:
oh hun im so sorry. that really sucks *HUGS x45* im so sorry about that

Thanks for coming : ).. where did you get the 45?? we talked it out and things have gotten a bit better…

~Shie~ wrote:
b>me: well i know we kinda talked about it before and you said it was because other people thought you weren’t good enough for me /b>
this is very sad hun… first and foremost… it sounds to me that she may have some past issue haunting her and she may be suffering from some sort of depression causing her to believe that she is no good for anyone.. and by hearing what she heard.. she is believing this.. again, how does shie know?? because i was always told this by my abusive ex husband and i believed it… i was never going to be good enough for anyone no matter how hard i tried..
so you need to sit her down and talk to her and see if you can find out if there is something from her past haunting her, causing her to feel this way and for some reason it is coming out on your relationship…
as for you loving her and she loving you that is wonderful!!! as for you accepting her for who she is…. is awesome!!! and if she is suffering from depression, this is something that you will probably have to keep telling her until she understands that you dont care what other people are saying.. depression has a way to make us believe one thing that ‘we can see’ that isnt really there… its almost a warp in our own minds.. from something in the past.. for you, its something that you have to work through and not allow it to push you away..
another thing that you can do is get some of her friends together.. talk to them and let them know how she is feeling.. get them to talk to her and let her know that you are proud to be with her.. it is you that chooses to stay with her.. because you love her… and that you are not going anywhere… and that all the people spreading those rumors are just jealous because she has you… because that is what it really comes down too.. jealousy.. someone in that pack of girls probably wanted to date you and because they didnt get the chance, now they are spreading this awful rumor just to hurt her.. and she has to remember, these are only words… and she has to shove it back at them… stand tall, chin up and smile holding your hand walking down the school hall showing them that they cant hurt her and that she is proud to be on your arm….. and they cant have you because she has you…
hope this helps a little… many hugs.. love shie.

thanks a lot shie! : )
that helped a lot, things have gotten better since i made the post, and school is out now. before this whole thing we had a bit of a problem with her not telling me things that were bugging her, and I guess this was her starting to change that. I feel like she trusts me a lot more now.
thanks a lot, i really apreciate it : )

~Shie~ wrote:
you are always welcome!!! but next time.. invite me silly bug!!!
im so happy that things have gotten better.. that is great to hear.. but remember, and i can promise you… down the road.. she is going to have a hard time talking to you about something that she is feeling again and you may go through something like this once again… again how do i know?? because even at my age(quiet about my age.. lol) i still get like this with roger who i have been with for over 2 years… talking is a weakness when you have a low self esteem.. and we shut down.. no matter how much you tell her that you are there to listen… it is hard to express our deep down feelings.. so be prepared.. but also be understanding.. and know where she is coming from..
im glad that she is starting to trust you.. that is great… but again… i can tell you.. trust is something once broken in the past is very hard to gain in someone else in the future.. so it is going to be a slow road for that from her..
so keep being yourself, showing her the caring side of you… and let her see that in you… and you will have a soul mate for life.. once we have been hurt so badly in the past and we find someone that we can ‘trust’ and we can feel comfortable in letting out our feelings too, we get attached and never want to lose that person.. so be prepared for a long term relationship… many hugs and best of luck.. love shie.

thanks again, but i know i invited you! : )
it’s hard to deal with when she shuts down on me just because i want her to trust me, but what you’re saying i think will help me tolerate it : ). thanks a lot, all i can do is my best i guess, id love to keep her for a long time : )

~Shie~ wrote:
you are welcome… i hope that i helped you understand her side and it does make you understand a little bit of “how she is feeling” with out her telling you herself.. and as hard as it is sometimes with not knowing.. just know that she does care about you and may just need that little extra time in telling you..

best of luck with everything… this is an extra special relationship that may just need a little more time and special care but it can work.. trust me.. cuz roger has to deal with me cuz im exactly like your girlfriend..

hugs to you.. love shie

thanks, you did help in understanding a lot : ).. and its hard to believe you’re just like her considering all you’ve been through i doubt she could have at 15.. but i think I know where you’re coming from. thanks a ton : )