friends help: I get so confused about social situations. - Help.com

I get so confused about social situations.

Maybe my friends are more confusing than most, but I still feel like I should be able to keep up…but I’m so lost now I don’t even know what to do anymore.

There are two friends, A and B, and my boyfriend.

I started out closest to A out of the friends, but I got along fine with all of them. A helped me through some difficult times, and I helped her when things got rough for her, and we both enjoyed acting like idiots together.

Next I got together with my boyfriend. Friend B had dated him first, but it lasted less than two months, she broke up with him and he was crushed while she seemed almost glad it was over. I asked if she was okay when I found out and she even said “Yeah, it’s actually a good thing.” I had been friends with him for about a year, and we got together maybe a month after the breakup. I’m one of those ridiculous people who falls completely head over heels, so I ended up spending more time with him than anyone else. I guess that created some distance between “us” in our own little world and everyone else, though I didn’t realize that until pretty recently.

I never heard any complaints from friend B about this, although I never asked for her permission. She wasn’t even talking to him since the breakup so I figured she didn’t want much to do with him anymore. Then, a whole 5-6 months later, she decides she wants him back, and writes him a note telling him he has to make a choice.

I’m terrified, but in the end he says no, he loves me, he feels more connected to me. For about a week she hates both of us, but then she gets over it. She’s totally buddies with us but I don’t really trust her anymore, and I find her to be overdramatic, too quick to change her emotions, and very blunt about things.

Now friend A is bipolar with very low self-esteem most of the time and it isn’t a pretty combination. She’s very self destructive and we’re always trying to convince her to give up the new ways she comes up with of hurting herself, trying to convince her that she’s loved, trying to convince her not to give up. This kills us but we love her and she’s always there for us when we feel down, so we’re protective of and loving towards her. But slowly I notice friend B is getting mroe and more impatient with her. My boyfriend has never been very tactful about things but he seems to be following this trend a bit as well. Eventually, friend B decides she is no longer talking to or friends with friend A because she “just can’t take it anymore, friend A is making her depressed.”

I am furious and feel this is a terrible betrayal of friend A who obviously needs our help and has always, always been there for everyone else’s problems. My boyfriend, however, seems sympathetic with friend B and I can’t understand why.

The no talking rule goes on for a month or so. I feel caught in the middle at first between my boyfriend and friend A(I don’t consider myself friends with B anymore) but I learn to deal with it. Then, I find out B just got diagnosed with actual depression.

Naive little me, I think this is the end of it. She’ll realize it wasn’t friend A’s fault she was depressed, they’ll make up and everything will be wonderful again. Except that never happens. Still they refuse to talk to each other. Although my boyfriend is still civil with both of them, I spend less and less time with friend A just because I habitually hang out with my boyfriend, who is often hanging out with B.

One day I am expressing my frustration about the whole situation, and my boyfriend is sorry this has put me in the middle but he also says “I just don’t like A.” I’m thinking “Don’t like A? How can you not like her? She is the sweetest, funniest, most helpful girl I have ever met.” But then he explains, and this is what really confuses me: “She’s a hypocrite. She always wants to solve others problems, always tries to give us advice, always wants us to feel good about ourselves. But she never accepts that from us. She never takes our advice. She’s constantly hurting herself, belittling herself, doing stupid things. And she won’t hear a word about it from us.”

I have never felt more stuck in the middle in my entire life. I feel like I can see both sides completely clearly. Friend A is my dear friend, and I love her, and I’m still upset that they’ve hurt her. But I also understand why B and my boyfriend are giving up on her. The method might change, but it’s the same issue over and over again. She never stops, never really listens to us or pays attention to our advice, she just does whatever she feels like. Which isn’t fair, it’s true, because we try so hard to pull ourselves up when we’re down for her. She isn’t trying.

Friend A has new friends now. They get mad at her when she does something wrong. They are impatient and almost bully her about it from what I can see. And I find it so twisted that the people who really care about her care so much they can’t be her friends, but people who don’t care about her the way they do get the privelege of being with her. And she’s still just the same. They might be fiercer than us but they still get no response. She does what she wants, and she always will, and I don’t know what to think about any of it anymore.

I know that was really really long. I tend to do that, it’s just venting everything. I get so confused, sometimes writing it all out helps em get my thoughts straight.

This open post was written 6 months ago | V/U/S: 191, 1, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

friends, Drama, confusion (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

A logged in and verified Help.com member has the ability to setup a Friends List and invite others to help with posts.