suicide help: I don’t stay on the main page of help much anymore. - Help.com

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Please don’t stop commenting. People need help. I always get some really good advice on this site. Some people I ignore but so many sincere people respond. Really appreciated!!

i did comment on that post, but not something i felt was super rude.
i post the truth, even when it gets a bit mean or rude.
the comment by me in that post feels to be not nearly as rude as some other posts, including my posts in other threads.
and that case still leaves me a morbid skeptic as to whether she really did it, or if she pretended to be her sister to try and show people she was “serious”.
i have dealt with exactly that in the past before, sad to say

This is very true. Some people mean well and are trying to be funny, others are just so depressed they respond to suicide posts in their own thoughtless way. Among all that though are some people dedicated to helping and dedicated to thinking through everyones problems individually just because they care. It’s extrodanarily sad to find out about this post though, for the most part I’m shocked because most people are generally very sincere. I guess it’s a responsibility of everyone on here to make sure this doesn’t happen and to make helpy a safe place for everyone.

SITNALTA wrote:
i did comment on that post, but not something i felt was super rude.
i post the truth, even when it gets a bit mean or rude.
the comment by me in that post feels to be not nearly as rude as some other posts, including my posts in other threads.
and that case still leaves me a morbid skeptic as to whether she really did it, or if she pretended to be her sister to try and show people she was “serious”.
i have dealt with exactly that in the past before, sad to say

I’m not saying you were being rude or anything but you never really know what is real or fake. Looking at the post it may have very well have been faked, but it still all the same wasn’t handled very well…

All talks of suicide should be taken seriously, even those that seem like they are just playing. This is a help site which means that even if people aren’t serious, the people who signed up here are suppose to be “helpers”, and not judge someone or jump to conclusions especially without understanding the whole story. I do know that some people either just saying it to see what people will say or are just trolling, but that’s not our decision to make to willingly criticise someone. To be honest, the ones who are quick to judge and not wanting to hear the whole story are on the wrong site and need to leave if they are going to do all of that. If more people would just listen more closely then all over(not just this site) the suicide rate would go down.

somewhereman wrote:

SITNALTA wrote:
i did comment on that post, but not something i felt was super rude.
i post the truth, even when it gets a bit mean or rude.
the comment by me in that post feels to be not nearly as rude as some other posts, including my posts in other threads.
and that case still leaves me a morbid skeptic as to whether she really did it, or if she pretended to be her sister to try and show people she was “serious”.
i have dealt with exactly that in the past before, sad to say

I’m not saying you were being rude or anything but you never really know what is real or fake. Looking at the post it may have very well have been faked, but it still all the same wasn’t handled very well…

well that is true, i was only speaking for myself there.
i dont speak for others unless they tell me exactly how they feel, so im not concerning the other rude posts in that statement as much.
some were pretty rude, true, but was that their intention?

also, OP i think this is a dumb reason to stop helping others.
its almost as bad if not just as bad as making mean posts.
be the better person and ignore the cacti

And I don’t mean to be acussing anyone of anything, sorry if I sounded that way…

She told me everything in chat, and how she found this site. It was very random. It’s not like she knew me, or knew that I might have had interaction with her sister. Any interaction that I might have had would have been anonymous and not traceable to me. She was really looking for help herself in dealing with it. People in chat were mean to her. She was really upset. I PMed her. She told me that she hoped that her sister hadn’t been in chat right before hand bc that surely would have helped to push her over the edge if she had been, bc the people there are mean. I could feel the sadness. I really do believe that it was for real.

oo…chats almost a whole different site altogether from helpy…

I hope you continue helping the sister, my prayers and thoughts go out to her :(

I tend to stay away from suicide posts because I’ve recognized that I’m simply not qualified to **really** help people with this terribly sad issue.

Here’s what I don’t understand: We all have the option to simply walk away from any post - what possible satisfaction can any of us in here get from making a potentially catastrophic situation worse?

And what does it say of any of us supposed “Helpers” in here to bully someone who claims they’re in pain? Whether the pain is real, imagined, fabricated or a prank is not for any of us to judge.

Some of those replies on that girl’s posts were downright horrifying.

If you’re unable to deal with a suicide post with compassion and empathy, walk away from it. Resorting to schoolyard bullying tactics is not only irresponsible and childish, it goes against the very nature of why this site exists.

Check the sign at the door, folks: it reads Help. Either provide help or go away.

Called, please. What is this, a detective site?

No, it’s supposed to be a community, where people can come on here anonymously and ask for help as well as give help.

Yes, there are ppl that come onto this site with ripe imaginations who seem to crave attention and affirmation in this way. Some might even seek sympathy through exaggeration of reality, yes.

But arrogant and DANGEROUS it is of YOU and anyone else similar to you, to ASSUME, through past posts, the complete truth of this person’s existence!

I don’t believe anyone was being “played”. That’s a bit simplistic of you to say. If a “helper” is genuine with their motives and care about another human being and wish to help them, they cannot be “played”.

Those that come on here with ANY issues, whether real or imagined, it does not matter.

A cry for help is a cry for help. Who are you to judge, who is worthy of help and who is not? Sometimes ppl make seek attention through dishonest means because they are trying to fill a void in their lives. Are you saying these people should be completely discounted? How do you think that makes them feel? ARe their feelings and opinions less valuable then your’s because they’ve lied about their lives?

I was in a similar predicament as the author of this post found himself/herself. I had learned that the person who was “playing” me, as you aptly put it, was posting false pics of herself/himself on photobucket. There was also a backstory of incest and molestation. (Granted, it’s easy to conjure up the image of two prebuscent kids, getting their kicks off of fooling gullible people on this site….BUT… that’s besides the point. What does one’s ego/pride have to do with this, really? )

People automatically jumped to the conclusion that she/he was a troll and said harsh things to him/her. It seems to me, that this person was seeking attention and that it’s very possible that his/her story WAS in fact rooted in truth. This person could of had very well had issues with molestation in his/her past. But do we know this to be certain? NO.

I didn’t say anything to defend him/her. I conceded to the majority consensus and now I regret that decision. But i’m saying it now.

We are on here to help indiscriminately. Not to judge.

It’s like I said, it’s not always easy to tell who’s telling the truth and who’s lieing. But since we all signed up to help others, then we should do just that and help regardless of who we think is truthful or lieing.

I understand your point.

But help is help. Just think of that phrase, “poor liar”. Does that not seem like someone who might need some of your time and kindness?

I’m sorry that that happened and someone abused your kindness and sabatoged your trust in this site.

But if you don’t mind, i’d like to share a personal anecdote with you?

This was about 14 years ago, mom and I were driving through a busy intersection off of Independence Blvd, in Charlotte, NC. As we stopped at a red light, we see a haggard, homeless man, holding up a sign, “Will Work for Food”. I just dismiss him, as being “one of those”.

Mom rolls down her window and motions to him. I’m pretty much incredulous at this point. When he walks over, she gives this man a 10 dollar bill. He accepts it and says, “Thank you, ma’am”, then walks away.

I remark to her, “You know, he might be using that money for booze or drugs, it probably wont even go to food. ”

And she turns and looks at me and says,

“Maybe so, but whose to say that his need for booze or drugs is less important to him, then his need for food?”

It’s been years since this happened and her actual quote was MUCH better, therefore I apologize. But i still remember, that i was absolutely floored by what she said. And we drove the rest of the trip in silence. I was shaken in my belief system by this.

He walked away from that car that night, feeling gratitude, knowing that someone recognized his needs, however self-destructive and contrary they were. But they were HIS reality. And someone accepted it. Yes, people need to learn to change but i think acceptance is a rare gift. And with this gift, change can happen for some. Do you think?

I used to reply to many of the suicide posts here. I still do, but not nearly as much. It wears on you. And yes, we know many of the suicide posts are either cries for help or attention or outright hoaxes. But even if there are ninety-nine fake suicide posters for every real one, every year dozens if not hundreds of people are prevented from committing or attempting suicide because of the people here who care to patiently listen, draw out the story, and give advice and resources as best as they can.

I marked both Aries’ and Srinh’s replies above as excellent, especially these parts.

Aries wrote:
If you’re unable to deal with a suicide post with compassion and empathy, walk away from it. Check the sign at the door, folks: it reads Help.

Srinh wrote:
If a “helper” is genuine with their motives and care about another human being and wish to help them, they cannot be “played”.

A cry for help is a cry for help.

Some people claim an inerrant ability to spot a troll. I’ve been here going on a year and a half and am no dummy (disputable), and I say that sometimes you just can’t tell. Reverse psychology and tough love are not our purpose here, and they only antagonize anyway.

In the story of the good Samaritan, a wounded person lay on the side of the road. Several people passed by, crossing the road to avoid the injured person, not wanting to dirty themselves. Then someone else showed up who was not so arrogant, not so religious or prejudiced, and went out of their way to help. Geeze people, if that road had been help.com, some of you would have gone out of your way to kick the poor bastard while he was down.

I’m sorry, it’s getting late. I’m going to go.

Thanks for taking the time to talk.

If i came off as harsh in my first post? It was probably directed

at myself. Goodnight.

Some little known facts to suicide: In Canada ( I’m not in the States) 2003 statistics showed that 3764 people died from suicide. In 2007 an estimated 5000 people died and an alarming 50,000 people attempted and didn’t sucumb to suicide. As much as statistics aren’t fool proof, these are just reported incidences. Since 1960 the Canadian suicide rate has trippled!

For every 1 person who dies from suicide, 8-10 do not and they have to live with serious life altering concequences, from brain damage, to paralysis to excruciating physical pain and mental torment.

For those who commit ( I say sucumb) to suicide, 100 people are directly effected in some way, and those family members who have to live to pick up the pieces, generally do not and sucumb to suicide themselves.

Everyone has a right to be heard and believed, and this site has taken a turn for the worst. I don’t like to say this, but the people who have ” trolled” and played their insedious games on here only to sit behind their computers and have a laugh at everyone else’s expense… they are gonna need someone’s help someday because statistically speaking if not now… sometime in their lifetime, suicide is going to effect them on a very real and personal level. ( What goes around comes around, we reap what we sow)

That is why it is important for those who are strong enough, who are able to offer an ear to do so. It is those people who volunteer their time and hearts to those who need it, that make this internet site a bit better place.

Everyone has the right to be believed and when someone “tells it like it is” to a suicidal person, it is coming from a place of not understanding. One simply cannot offer a blanket statement ” get over it, I did so can you. The world is hard, get some (email removed) and man up”

The heart of a suicidal person is not their own, all hope has been lost and they are looking for sympathy not pity and not rejection… the internal rejection they themselves face is hard enough.

I have never marked three replies as quotable on one post. Well said, srnityblu. Thank you.

CONTINUED: If they could grab the intestinal fortitude, they would. They want to but they do not have proper coping skills to see themselves through even the smallest of problems.

The issues to suicide run very deep and are complex, and through talking to others on this site and similar sites, on the crisis line, and through my own experiences, I have concluded that there is a universal commonality between all suicidals and that is a lack of hope.

This lack of hope breeds a whole list of negative feelings, emotions, thoughts and actions and soon these negatives become empowered which feeds and breeds more negatives which implant deeply within the human heart.

In order for these roots to be exposed, they have to be uncovered and this takes considerable effort and time, and this cannot be done alone.

Most often the heart has buried the initial conflict so deeply that the event is forgotten but the emotions remain, and this inturn piles up onto the next dilema, and so on and so forth… it’s a vicious cycle…

Healthy coping skills are learned and in order for them to be learned they have to be taught…

Reaching out is the best step and only course of action someone with thoughts of suicide can think of… at the time it’s all they know and it’s the best thing they can do…

CalleDeCre wrote:
Sorry, Sans you can only mark one reply as quotable per post. Though the glich comes in handy if you want to retract you vote: You just need to mark another reply as quotable and your first selection loses it.

Interesting.

Yes i know this. But thank you for reiterating it once again.

You don’t know if what my mother did was of service to that man or not. You do not walk in his shoes or view life from his perspective.

But that’s the beauty of all this, isn’t it? We can all have different perspectives on life’s rights and wrongs and still be able to coexist. How charming.

Yes thanks San. You don’t have to give what I say recognition. The truth illuminates itself.

And let me clear up one more thing. To accept someone lays the foundation for change. No, my mother started an intersting journey with that gentlemen but she didn’t see it to its resolution. SO in that way, i do see your point, CalleDeCre.

Thats just sad. I didnt say anything mean though and i reported the idiots who did =/

What really sucks is only a small percent of suicides are succesfull in leading to death and this one died.

I always post on the suicide and depression and cutting post, they are usualy on the top of my list… well i dont post if im not in a good mood though, because if im so down myself i might not be able to say anything too helpful. I at least say i care if that happens and post just that.