divorce help: hello, im 14 years old. - Help.com

well sweetie, all of these family issues have come up so recently. you can’t expect them all to just resolve themselves within weeks. its may take months, or even years. the best advice i can give you is talk to your dad. your not a little girl anymore. your starting to develope your own oppinions and ideas. i would go talk to your and say something like this, “Dad, I know alot has happened recently. And I know none of this drama is helping our own relationship. But your hatred with Dave is not helping anyone, and not only that, but it is effecting my brother to the worst. Do you honostly believe turning the family against eachother is helping anyone right now? Right now we all need to be supportive of eachother. You have kids now and you need to relise that what you do effects us. What I would like you to do is talk to my brother and explain him what I am explaining to you. Because if you keep up what is happening now, it can only end in a worse situation. If we try to understand and support one another, even you and mom, life won’t turn into the hell it may become. Too many families end up hating eachother because of divorce and alienate one another. Don’t make your family one of them.”
good luck dear. If you would like you can alterate this into something easier for you to say. But as long as you get the point through, then I believe it will get better. Keep in mind it may get worse before it gets better. Your family may struggle alot to try to support and understand what needs to happen. but if you keep working at it I’m sure it’ll get better love. all the best!

HA! ive had worse. but let me tell ya, i know where your comming from, my mum my sister and me live separately from my dad, his new wife and my ’step sister’ but when anything goes wrong with my older sister (18) she always runs off to my dad and my mum gets it in the ear. you do deserve a holiday, and if your brother dosnt want to go cant your mum make arrangements to let him stay round is dads for a while? and to be truthful you dad should have no say in who your mum sees, and the same with your mum. they are separated, its not their business,but they do have to stay on gd terms b/c your dad deserves to see you and your brother. no one likes it when their parents split, so try to talk to your dad, and talk to your mum about how you feel.

but let me tell ya, your brother is evil!

I dont think this is suppose to be a competition on who is living in a worse situation hun.

it wasnt meant to, i just wanted to get across that others go through the same thing. im sorry if it came across that way. but i am 14 and going through that and other things like normal.

no you dont deserve it but very unfortunately what happens bears little relation to what we deserve.

and the thing with your brother is that you disagree and cannot understand each other’s point of view. i suspect that the only thing that would really improve that long term is to really genuinely ask and listen what his concerns / perspective is.

i know you’re really clear that you are right, and i dont doubt at all that your reasons are valid, but millions of us are in the same position where we are sure we are right and cant understand why the other person wont get it, and all there can be to do is listen. and it is tough because sometimes the other person doesnt want to talk or cant hardly express what the real issue is, but honestly that is the only way you will get long term resolution, and it is also an amazing skill to get in your life and something that will help you many many times.

if you do want to get expert at this, find a book called ‘how to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk’ - it works on everyone and there are really simple tactics for resolving stuff

good luck

x