I’ve been dating a man for a month. - Help.com

He might be REALLY interested but an indecisive type of guy…. He may be thinking there is a perfect girl out there, but there is no perfect girl or guy.

Yes i agree with Phillips.

It sounds like this guy is fishing around for something more. But i cannot answer this for certain because I don’t know the specifics of the situation or have seen you two together.

But something that could be indicative of his intentions, is his reaction to what you said when he brought up the subject of “exclusive relationship”.

What was your reply to this?

I’m guessing you had said you were interested in an exclusive relationship? In that case, tell the other suitor, that you’re interested in this gentleman.

Then sit down with this gentleman and have a discussion about your future. It’s something worth real communication and honesty.

I think he’s serious about you. Since you mentioned he was old-fashioned and considerate, it doesn’t seem he would’ve asked you the “question”, if there wasn’t something behind it. Do you think so?

Ah I’m sorry WillaTree.

I reread your post again. and see that he asked about a ‘long-term relatinship’.

Again, i stand by what i said before. He seems genuinely interested in you.

Maybe he hasn’t asked about the exclusive dating…because he didn’t want to seem

to be going too fast? There’s nothing wrong with asking him, lightly, “what do

you think of exclusive relationships?” At least then you’d know, and this can

save you both time and energy.

hmm…
my number one thing is don’t ask him for an exclusve relationship yet hun. if he wants one he’ll ask. maybe make yourself a little less available to him. show him that your here and he should be **** well lucky you are. and if there is no improvement wait for the topic of exclusivety to come up. don’t bring it up or he may feel like your pressuring him. and say, “I just wnat to know where this relationship is going. If you see it as just for fun, then thats fine. If not and you want something serious then I’m happy with that as well.”

yes I agree w/Sandy, there’s no rush to ask him for an exclusive relationship.

But asking, “what do you think of an exclusive relationship?”, lightly…is

harmless. And if he’s the kind of guy to shy away from this question? ah, well

then so be it. Whether a man is into you or not, is not dependent on these

questions. And if a man is really into you, he’ll take pressure just fine. Some

men will even welcome it. My bottom line is, communication is very important in

relationships. O and to clarify. He could still be

into you, but he’s taking this time to get to know you. And he’s still on

Match.com, to see if there is anyone out there more suitable. *shrug*

yes, good idea. enjoy yourself hun. if he wants-he will ask. and in the mean time keep having fun and meeting new people. all the best!

lol, ah jeez. ok. have fun. there’s nothing wrong with being more aggressive in relationships, you know. it’s the 21st century.

ok, i hope you find what you’re looking for.

hmm 21st century or not aggression can easily be seen as needy or clingy.

it can be seen that way, true.

but then again you have to picky about what you go after and do it with dignity.

Why do you have to let the man steer the direction of the relationship, per se?

I mean, we do control these things through

subversive means, such as playing hard to get and such. But open and honest

communication is another ploy that’s worked for many women.

I do agree with you about the whole “letting men steer the direction of the relationship” thing. but I believe women should see it as, “your lucky to have me. if you want me, come get it. if you dont, thats fine with me” and this idea should not be something you have to lie to yourself about. you should see yourself as an amazing women whom any man is lucky to be with. and if a man can’t step up and show you that appreciation then you can easily find someone who will.

exactly, Sandy.

“your lucky to have me. if you want me, come get it. if you dont, that’s fine with me”

i like that quote!

aha why thank you hon. many people are against the whole “play hard to get thing” but why is it so hard to believe it is possible not to be playing? why can’t women just be hard to get? why cant women see themselves as amazing and see that any man would be blessed to be with them. and again-if not-you can easily find someone else. let the man show you he wants you. because women these days are just too busy to be begging a man for an explanation for why they haven’t called in the past week.

uh huh.

well i can speak for myself personally.

i always play hard to get, because…i’m never interested, lol. of course this can change, when i meet someone that i particularly like.

it’s happened once. communication didn’t get on so well, because we were both very young at the time.

but now… it seems that if i were to find the right person, i’d will ask, how he sees the relationship progressing. And from what he says, i’ll take him at his word. Because integrity is indicative of a man’s worth, in my eyes. And i’ll let him know, that I want to be with him. but there’s no way i’m begging. it’s just not in my DNA.

good for you. you should consider reading the book “dating without drama” great book and alot of good information. or “he’s just not that into you” is also a good book. this isn’t aimed particularly to you, just any women. also letting a man know how you feel to early on isn’t the best idea. it kills the mistery of the beginning of a relationship.

i have this sneeking suspicion that, this book and movie aren’t the reality of dating, you know?

it’s probably just a way for hollywood to make money, lol.

sure guys like mystery and the chase. but when one’s ready to commit, i think games are not at the top of their agenda?

but hey, everyone’s different. some women like the chase more then the men. who knows?

but i like that title, dating without drama. that would be a relief.

dating without drama is definitly a reality book. i’m not saying men have a hidden agenda. but lots of women do go down the same path of making a man believe SHE is lucky to be with HIM or is too available for him. and by saying “I want to be with you in a serious relationship” no matter how you say it, sounds like you are open to wait for this man. and that will usually make a man start to pull away as a sence of rebelion. (in memory of him as a child to his mother-as disgusting as it may seem to compare the two relationships)

sigh, yes, in order to be a predator you have to think like a predator.

so that means no attachments. but knowing what you want. and being someone that

the other person respects and wants. by having something they want.

looks, intelligence, teh ability to make the other person feel good.

which is what you are probably saying, Willa, about being positive and sweet.

why of course. but you can do all this, while still letting the guy know,

you’re interested in an exclusive relationship. There is nothing off-putting about

someone who knows exactly what they want. Now i never said that you should

hang around the phone waiting, did I? no. just saying, there are different

methods to hook a fish.

by communicating with a guy that you think he is compatible with you and you could see each other in a exclusive relationship is not being too availabe, imo.

and i don’t think it’s always smothering. it depends on your approach and once again, the man. as long as the approach is ligh… and you are the kind of person who is expressively independent and nonchalant. (charm?)

but ladies, i must go. i agree with your approach. to be chased and get the man
hooked by making him work for it. But i believe that it’s good to get the BS out of the way. there are more fun ploys to play later in the game.

Srinh, i know you left but i just want to add telling a fish you want to hook it won’t help it come your way. men love the mystery and adventure. in one of the books i’ve red there was a comparison that i always thought made sense, “Men love fixing the care, while women just want the fixed car.” men love the journey to a women’s heart. making her want him back, wandering if she’s thinking of him etc etc. all fits into that. while women-they usually do just want to settle down and have the exclusive relationship. but by telling a man what you want won’t make it come any sooner. it’s best to keep him wandering and craving for your attention.

ok Sandy. I’ll keep this is mind. Thank you for the advice. It was a pleasure talking. Hope to see you around more often.

I think he does want to date you exclusively. He has put all the feelers out there with the gifts and dinners. He is probably feeling the same as you but doesn’t know how to find out so he keeps his options open especially considering that he knows you still have suitors. The question is do you want to date him exclusively and if you do then take the bull by the horns so to speak and come right out and ask him and tell him how you feel. If I am wrong he will only say no and you still have your other suitors.