relationship help: I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, living together for 2 of them. - Help.com

What are you doing to win his son over, and I don’t mean money or gifts?

i have been trying since i met him. i do all the regular mom stuff and try to do extra wherever i can. i make sure he has “cool” clothes, the same toys as his friends, the best valentines in his class. i try to spend time with just him and take him with me on errands and things of that nature. whenever he does the smallest thing right, i make sure to recognize it and reward him. his father really has the same problems with him. he struggles with him all the time, but he is his father and has no choice in the matter. the 9 year old has even pissed off all of our friends with his rude selfish behaviors. he is just not a likeable kid!

Have you thought that he might be reacting to the fact that he thinks you’re taking his mom’s place?

of course. he was a “mama’s boy”. and to be frank, mom was an @$$hole. she was a vindictive, rude, and selfish woman that treated him like he was an infant. i know that he misses her more than anything in the world. i know he wants to be with her and not his father and i. we do our best to be parents. his mother taught him that he should be aloud to do whatever he wants and that anyone that doesn’t let him is just being mean to him. she would let him stay home from school whenever he wanted, never made him do homework, and pretty much left him in front of the tv with video games. life was very easier for him while living with her. in our home there are rules, chores, structure, etc. he hates it. he is failing miserably in school, even though he really is smart! he just refuses to try at anything. he has no motivation. i’ve tried everything to get him motivated. every reward system you can imagine. he’s even been though counseling, but it never changed a thing.