marriage help: ok so my husband just recently disclosed that he is bi- sexual.. - Help.com



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ok so my husband just recently disclosed that he is bi- sexual..

im freaking out. he told me of childhood abuse with a man, and he thinks thats where it comes from.. we have a daughter and he is in the army. I love him very much, but i dont think i can deal with this. he says he wont ever act on those urges again, because losing me over it isnt worth it.. but i dont want him to feel like he hasta hide.. thats who he is, but i cant be married to a man and raise a family when i worry about him sleeping with men.. i might catch a m lot of **** for this, but im homophobic.. he swears hes not gay. hes attracted to women and would rather have sex with a woman. he says he likes that its taboo. could he really be Bi or is this confusion over his sexual abuse as a child. as someone who was sexually abused as a child, i know the repercussions of your sex life s an adult.. i just dont know what to say to him.. im ok with the fact that it happened.. but im not ok with it happening again, but i also dont want him to be unhappy because of it..But i cant be married to a man that acts on his urges to be with another man.. what do i do? i Love him. He is the man i married and now i dont know what to thin. i know that it is normal to have curiosity but how do i deal with with this.. please help if you have been in the same situation or you have insight on this sort of thing. I cant talk to anyone i know about it.. its to hard to explain and he really wants it to stay a secret.. whats next

This open post was written 5 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 439, 5, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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dotspot offline Verified User (1 year, 9 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Undisclosed Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (41 minutes after post)

I think, as his wife and the mother of his child, you should support him. He opened up to you and shared something very intimate with you. That takes trust. He says he wont act on these feelings, and you should believe him. He is no more likely to act on feelings for a man than for a woman. If he wanted to hide it from you, and be deceptive, he wouldn’t have told you. You should not be worried.

As for being homophobic, you just need to get over it, which will take time.

I have had two people close to me tell me they were Bi. My best friend from middle school, and my current girlfriend. My girlfriend is not actually bi, she has just slept with girls before. Now she is exclusive to men, but I know there is that side of her brain that still exists.

When she found out, I became concerned about her hanging out with a female co-worker. But that was wrong of me, and my suspicions have hurt our relationship.

He is the same person you married. There is absolutely nothing different about him. Please accept this flaw, and let it strengthen your bond. Maybe you can tell him a deep secret. I hope you don’t let this ruin your marriage.

Miss Jessica Bunny offline Verified User (7 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 26 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (59 minutes after post)

Just because he is bisexual doesn’t mean he is going to be unfaithful. He loves you, he is married to you. Did he say he wants to have sex with men? It doesn’t sound like it, he was just telling you how he felt.

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lostinatoodarkpark offline Verified User (10 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 3 #
An Undisclosed Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (1 hour, 46 minutes after post)

Miss Jessica Bunny wrote:
Just because he is bisexual doesn’t mean he is going to be unfaithful.

absolutely, it doesnt mean that he cant have a monogamous relationship
talk to him about it -it will probably help you cope with it

dotspot wrote:
Please accept this flaw, and let it strengthen your bond.

bisexuality is not a flaw..

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amyjames08 offline Verified User (1 year, 2 months) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (1 day, 8 hours after post)

Thank You all very much, It really has strengthened our marriage already. i know he told me because he feels safe with me and he trusts me. It was still a little more than shocking to hear. I have accepted it, but i worry about what it will change or us.. in our sex life for instance. I feel like i will never be able to satisfy him 100%. And there are things that im uncomfortable with doing. i know that i can try to get into things he likes, and i guess that a healthy sex life is all about compromise. A give and take kind of thing…thank you again for your help….

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clayb offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 2 months, 1 week ago (3 months, 1 week after post)

I’m bisexual and I haven’t told my girlfriend (2 years) yet. I’m really scared that she will dump me. I love her and we have a solid relationship, we have a lot plans for the future, but now I’m living a nightmare becouse some friend we have in comon found out about it and I’m afraid they might tell her. I never cheated on her with nobody. I dont now waht to do. You seem to be a very open mind person but We are from Brazil, its a diferent culture I’m not sure if she would understand.
I’m very happy to know that are people like you that belive in true love
I wish you all the best.

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