happiness help: Why do I resent my girlfriend when she’s happy?

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Why do I resent my girlfriend when she’s happy?

We are both at really good places in our lives, things are getting better for me even though they weren’t so great this past year… but every time she is excited about something, or happy about something, it makes me feel upset. Of course I try not to show it, but it tears at me inside!

The other day she was excited because she was getting into a TV show that I watched a little bit of, and kind of liked. She was telling me how she had gotten into it and watched five episodes in a day, and it upset me for some reason- I don’t know if it was because she was excited about it or what! And today she was putting together her new bed, so she pushed our plans back a half hour, which shouldn’t bother me, but she was just so crazy about her new bed, it upset and irritated me. What the hell are these feelings?

I don’t know what to do. She’s been so healing, and supportive, and mature in this relationship- the few problems I have with her are petty and inconsequential. but I seem to resent my girlfriends for their happiness for some reason. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? What steps can I take to get over this?

This open post was written 5 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 666, 15, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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Anonymous #
5 months, 3 weeks ago (2 minutes after post)

It’s because you’re unhappy, and you think that if your girlfriends really cared about you, they couldn’t be happy while you’re suffering. Does your girlfriend know you’re unhappy?

This reply has been removed.

Anonymous #
5 months, 3 weeks ago (8 minutes after post)

Your feelings aren’t about her. You sound like you really love her. You’re just getting jealous because she’s happy and you’re not. It’s actually quite common. You should tell her you’re unhappy. You probably feel like she could be doing something more to make you feel better, although you have no idea what. You feel like she doesn’t understand how sad you are, and that she wouldn’t be happy if you’re unhappy if she really cared about you. You want her to be happy, but you want to be happy too, and it’s making you upset that you’re not. You’re not blaming it on her; you’re just jealous that she can be happy when you’re sad.
Why are you sad?

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erynery #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (14 minutes after post)

You don’t hate her, you’re obviously unhappy with yourself. If I were you, I’d take a good long look in the mirror and figure out what it is about yourself you don’t like. Once you acknowledge what it is you don’t like, you can take steps towards bettering yourself. Stop doing things for everyone else and start taking care of yourself. You are just as deserving of happiness but you’re the only one that can provide that for yourself. Once you accomplish this, you will be able to celebrate with your girlfriend rather than resent her for her happiness.

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britishlovrr;p 1 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (17 minutes after post)

maybe u resent her when shes happy because you urself r not happy. or whenever shes happy, the attention is off you, so you resentr her for paying attention to other things.

Help me with: ok so i have this choice.

This reply has been removed.

britishlovrr;p 1 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (21 minutes after post)

well this guy obviously has a common resentfulolness in every person hes with. so anonymous poster you should really reevaluate your personality cuz no one will be with you if u resent their happiness. the world doesnt revolve around you so get with it and just learn to get over the smalll unneccessary things.

Help me with: ok so i have this choice.

This reply has been removed.

ADUB91 0 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (46 minutes after post)

from what youve said it seems you care a lot about your girlfriend because of how she has helped you and supported you since youve been together. Your feelings are what bother you and for good reason since you dont know where they are coming from. This is totally fixable and you should approach dealing with strong feelings with a lot of maturaty and ample care. here are some steps you may want to follow to discover how to deal with your troubling thoughts.
1. Think about it .. are you sincerely troubled by your thoughs.. if so think about what the source of them has come from besides what is obvious.
2. If you can not understand it on your own you can try to do things with her that you BOTH very much enjoy.. this way you will be happy when she is happy which is a step in the right direction. If you do this more often it could become more normal to be happy when she is reguardless of what is making her happy.
3. Also if you ever start feeling the irratations creeping in again try to prevent them by saying that you love her or if she is not around just do something that will make you laugh this will up your overall mood :)
4. If you are really having troubles with this (and i know you dont want to tell her) but the BEST most MATURE thing to do is let her know what you are feeling *dont let your emotions build up inside* and have a joint effort at dealing with the problems you face. Just say what you feel and be true to yourself. If she is truely someone who loves you she will deal with it as maturely as you and help you like she has in the past.
I really hope this can help you in even the slightest of ways. Remember dont let this feeling tear you up its something you can handle with just a bit of maturity and sincerity

britishlovrr;p 1 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (48 minutes after post)

i just think he should stop being such a girl and get ovr the fact that shes happy and he isnt.

Help me with: ok so i have this choice.

thartranf #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (5 hours after post)

Hey everyone. Thanks for all the input, I’m sitting here trying to take it all in. Some of you seem to know where I’m coming from, and I’m certain I sound absolutely crazy to a lot of you. To give you all more information, yes, I’m very unhappy. I just started Welbutrin and it hasn’t really kicked in yet. I just had a terrible first year at college and coming back, I’m upset to find that stuff has really changed at home.

As for my girlfriend, we’ve only been going out for six months or so, but I’m crazy about her. She’s just miles ahead of the last two people I’ve been seriously committed too- those people crazed me a little bit with their craziness and she’s been remarkably healing, and restored a lot of my faith in women.

It’s true that I’m really unhappy, though. I feel like my tightly knit group has unraveled- my friends have all degenerated into party animals, except for a couple close ones. My family is suffering some serious financial stuff so it seems unlikely that I’ll even be going to college in the fall (both a relief and a stress.) I’m trying to work hard and keep busy- but sometimes it all just feels really hopeless. That’s why I’m on the Welbutrin. My happiest moments have been with my girlfriend, though, and I don’t want to lose her. Some part of me thinks I turn into an ******* and get upset by trivial meaningless things because I’m looking for a way to sabotage myself. According to my therapist, I have a negative worldview that I try to uphold. It doesn’t seem impossible.

I think it’s true that I resent the happiness of others because I’m unhappy. I hate myself for being so egotistical, but I don’t know how to escape it, because even with the self-hatred, it’s still just more focusing inward and self-involvement. My girlfriend has her own problems right now. A lot of them. She doesn’t need me burdening her with my pettiness. I never want to mess up another night with her- she doesn’t deserve it.

I say all this and yet, when a couple things bring my day down, I still turn into a moody ******* and get upset about stupid things that shouldn’t have an affect on me. It’s like I’m a different person. How can I stop this?

Hey everyone. Thanks for all the input, I'm sitting here trying to take it all in. Some of you seem to know where I'm coming from, and I'm certain I sound absolutely crazy to a lot of you. To give you all more information, yes, I'm very unhappy. I just started Welbutrin and it hasn't really kicked in yet. I just had a terrible first year at college and coming back, I'm upset to find that stuff has really changed at home.

As for my girlfriend, we've only been going out for six months or so, but I'm crazy about her. She's just miles ahead of the last two people I've been seriously committed too- those people crazed me a little bit with their craziness and she's been remarkably healing, and restored a lot of my faith in women.

It's true that I'm really unhappy, though. I feel like my tightly knit group has unraveled- my friends have all degenerated into party animals, except for a couple close ones. My family is suffering some serious financial stuff so it seems unlikely that I'll even be going to college in the fall (both a relief and a stress.) I'm trying to work hard and keep busy- but sometimes it all just feels really hopeless. That's why I'm on the Welbutrin. My happiest moments have been with my girlfriend, though, and I don't want to lose her. Some part of me thinks I turn into an ******* and get upset by trivial meaningless things because I'm looking for a way to sabotage myself. According to my therapist, I have a negative worldview that I try to uphold. It doesn't seem impossible.

I think it's true that I resent the happiness of others because I'm unhappy. I hate myself for being so egotistical, but I don't know how to escape it, because even with the self-hatred, it's still just more focusing inward and self-involvement. My girlfriend has her own problems right now. A lot of them. She doesn't need me burdening her with my pettiness. I never want to mess up another night with her- she doesn't deserve it.

I say all this and yet, when a couple things bring my day down, I still turn into a moody ******* and get upset about stupid things that shouldn't have an affect on me. It's like I'm a different person. How can I stop this?

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thartranf #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 3 weeks ago (5 hours, 12 minutes after post)

and sorry about the typos i’m wicked tired..

This account has been deactivated.

Anonymous #
5 months, 3 weeks ago (15 hours, 19 minutes after post)

When you start getting upset, just remind yourself that it’s not her that you’re upset at. Picture what it would be like to be in her shoes and to have you treating her the way you are. That should stop you from being mean real quick, because you very obviously don’t want to hurt her.
You could even try making up a mantra and repeat it over and over to yourself whenever you start to get mad. It could be something like, “It’s not her fault,” “I’m not mad at her,” “I love her so much,” “She’s amazing,” or “I don’t want to lose her.” Just come up with whatever will work best for you to remind you that your bad mood has nothing to do with her, so you shouldn’t take it out on her.

Good luck!!!

(P.S.: I really think you should tell her. That way, if you do end up blowing up at her, she won’t take it personally. If my boyfriend felt this way, I’d want to know so I could try to help him. I would feel so awful if I felt he was keeping something like this inside and not telling me)

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Why do I resent my girlfriend when she’s happy?

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