Relationships help: Nothing left.. - Help.com

First of all, your wife can’t be too depressed if she is out partying. Don’t just sit idly by and do nothing, and if you do when you get tired of it get up, go out and get a job/life. I know that sounds harsh, but it seems that she wants to start a new life. If you want to save your marriage, you need to take a stance. Talk to her. If she doesn’t want to talk, write her or text message her. Do some thing to communicate. If all communication comes to a halt, so will the marriage.

Hey dude.

Don’t blame yourself for everything. BOTH people have to take responsibility for open communication in any relationship. She’s resorting to weird behaviour instead of dealing with issues directly.

Go get yourself the book “When good men behave badly.” It’s written for guys. It will give you insight on yourself.

Also get yourself some of those Mars and Venus books by John Gray. Good straight-shooter books that nail male/female differences. It can be uncomfortable to read, but it’s worth it.

I’ll bet you feel like crap after losing your job. You depend on your job and your wife’s perception of you for self esteem. So your self esteem has cratered. This has caused your behaviour to change towards your wife. She doesn’t understand what’s going on so she looks for answers from other women. They haven’t got a clue but they have plenty of opinions and they’re all self-serving and bad for you.

Time to man up and fix this. The more passive you get, the worse things will be. Get the books. Read the books. Exercise. Eat properly. Look after yourself. Figure out what you have with this woman and start working on saving things. If it fails, you’ll move on. But why be defeatist from the start?

i just lost whatever was left of what i loved and cared for. it doesnt make much sense to go on. so why are still people breathing after all the suffering..

linuxya wrote:
Hey dude.

Don’t blame yourself for everything. BOTH people have to take responsibility for open communication in any relationship. She’s resorting to weird behaviour instead of dealing with issues directly.

Go get yourself the book “When good men behave badly.” It’s written for guys. It will give you insight on yourself.

Also get yourself some of those Mars and Venus books by John Gray. Good straight-shooter books that nail male/female differences. It can be uncomfortable to read, but it’s worth it.

I’ll bet you feel like crap after losing your job. You depend on your job and your wife’s perception of you for self esteem. So your self esteem has cratered. This has caused your behaviour to change towards your wife. She doesn’t understand what’s going on so she looks for answers from other women. They haven’t got a clue but they have plenty of opinions and they’re all self-serving and bad for you.

Time to man up and fix this. The more passive you get, the worse things will be. Get the books. Read the books. Exercise. Eat properly. Look after yourself. Figure out what you have with this woman and start working on saving things. If it fails, you’ll move on. But why be defeatist from the start?

Linuxya, are you a therapist? You give such good replies. My hat off to ya.

Anonymous wrote:
i just lost whatever was left of what i loved and cared for. it doesnt make much sense to go on. so why are still people breathing after all the suffering..

Look, I had a 17-year relationship that ended when I had to tell the doctors to stop trying to revive my wife because at that point she’d be a vegetable. I have some sense of what it’s like to lose the centre of my universe. I get how bizarre it is how life goes on around you though you feel it’s ended for you.

The good news is you can rebuild yourself. I’m a different person today than I was a few years ago. I realized my weaknesses and addressed them head on. I took small daily steps to rebuild my fitness, my optimism, my social networks, etc.

You can do this. The world has not changed since your wife let her emotions ruin her straight thinking. All that has changed is your attitude toward yourself, to life. The way to change your attitude is to make a decision to take positive steps every day to change your situation.

You can do this. I know it.

Anonymous and others:
It’s called hope. People want it, crave it, sometimes do anything to get it, but when we go to extreme lengths to find something to live for, we start living for just anything.
We are constantly looking for things to keep ourselves occupied, to give us a reason to stay. People do all this to ‘numb’ the pain, take their minds off of it, that it makes them ‘feel better’.

All lies. It will not and CAN NOT make you feel better. It adds to your problem’s and makes everything worse. Giving up, resorting to violent, damaging behavior, it sucks the life out of you and eventually you merely just exist.

I too know what it is like to lose EVERYTHING…. but that doesn’t mean you can’t get it back.

STOP feeling sorry for yourself. Stop thinking ” everything sucks, no one cares, I don’t care.’ You do and you know it, that’s why you’re here.

Truth… we want to be saved. We want to be healed, we just don’t want to have to DO anything to get it.
Get off your butt. Do something to make life worthwhile. Wallowing and moping over your loses isn’t going to fix or change it, only make it worse. Face the pain. Stop running from it. I know it’s hard and it can hurt SO bad, but it can only get worse if you give up, and only get better if you don’t. It’s not worth giving up. Start really thinking about WHY you are in this mess… Whether it was you or someone else, you have to FORGIVE. The hardest person to forgive is yourself, and it IS hard, but you will only feed the hurt if you don’t accept that you are human, you make mistakes, NO ONE IS PERFECT! I know this may not be what you want to hear, but now might be a good time to do a little soul searching. Figure out your life, who you are, where you want to go with it. Look for spiritual healing. Allow yourself to love again, let go of all those terrible feelings. Laugh! Laughter is great medicine. Relax. ENJOY life instead of hating it. It might take time but often when there’s a problem in your life, it’s partially because there’s a problem within you. Take time for yourself, just not every day all day.

Here is what you need to remember:

Forget- pain and hurt others caused you, they are probably hurting as well and don’t know how to deal with it so they take it out on others.

Forgive- yourself for making a mistake, don’t push it off or hide it, or think ‘I made a mistake, but whatever I’m human it doesn’t matter if it hurt someone they’ll get over it. Instead think about what you’ve done, don’t feel guilty about it, but be sorry for what you did and try to do better next time.

Love- the people in your life, firneds and family, with all your heart, and do your best to be there for them and show them you care, they may not openly appreciate it, but they will one day.

Laugh- Take time to have fun every now and then, but don’t go over the top.

Learn- from your mistakes instead of hating them, everything in your life is therre for a reason and is there to help you in some way or make you stronger, think about the double/hidden meaning.

Repent- of your bad habits and faulty ways. Realize there is fault with you and within you in some cases and do your best to try to change that. If not for yourself, for others. It is a sin to throw away life, and it is also one to hate yourself, you are beautiful and worth saving. Your worth is determined by your Heart, and your Spririt, not your achievments. You ARE special and very important even if you don’t always see or believe it. If you weren’t, why would you be here?

And Believe- in yourself, in others, learn to trust, and even look towards God when you need someone, He is always there and He is always listening, he will answer your Prayers.. it is not that He is not listening, but it is that sometimes He has to say no… He always does what is best for you, even if you don’t see it.

I knwo this is a very long answer, but save it and read it later, you may find there are things you will understand more once you take the time and care to change and better yourself and your life.

Make your life WORTH living, or else, make it worthwhile for others. Life is meant to be spent for others as well…. you’ll find the more you think about others and their needs, the better you’ll feel about Live and Love, and all the other miracles in life.

Think about it.. okay?

Best Wishes, and love.

God’s Messenger.

linuxya wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
i just lost whatever was left of what i loved and cared for. it doesnt make much sense to go on. so why are still people breathing after all the suffering..

Look, I had a 17-year relationship that ended when I had to tell the doctors to stop trying to revive my wife because at that point she’d be a vegetable. I have some sense of what it’s like to lose the centre of my universe. I get how bizarre it is how life goes on around you though you feel it’s ended for you.

The good news is you can rebuild yourself. I’m a different person today than I was a few years ago. I realized my weaknesses and addressed them head on. I took small daily steps to rebuild my fitness, my optimism, my social networks, etc.

You can do this. The world has not changed since your wife let her emotions ruin her straight thinking. All that has changed is your attitude toward yourself, to life. The way to change your attitude is to make a decision to take positive steps every day to change your situation.

You can do this. I know it.

Your advices are great. m having a bit of a hard time rebuilding myself.i have a fiew great friends and theyre the only thing that i have left and whenever i even contemplated suicide i’m thinking friends like that are a rare thing to have and im lucky .im sad because i dont even try to laugh anymore. because im selfish and i want my family back..im in perfect health and im making myself completely useless,instead of pulling myself together. im just a small human and i can;t help it.

Stop focusing on past mistakes. Focus on taking small steps every day. Don’t get too ambitious. Setting goals too big is a great way to stay down.

Shave, shower, dress in clean clothes. Get outside and walk. Contact everyone you know to arrange for a meeting over coffee. Talk to them about what they are doing. Be interested. Opportunity is everywhere for you. Don’t unload all your problems on them but maybe they have contacts or ideas. Contacts are great. Each person you talk to has a different perspective.

Run. Take it easy. Bike. Swim. Hike. Join social groups. Keep going. Every social group you join increases your mental health and your chances at improving your job situation multiple times over.

When you feel down, you want to isolate yourself and shutdown. That is natural for a man. Recognize this and don’t let it happen to you. Socialize, exercise, eat properly. Praise yourself for every small step.

And forgive yourself for your past mistakes. Every time something comes up, forgive yourself and the person you were angry at. The past is a trap.