Liars help: I met a guy last October through a friend of mine. - Help.com



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I met a guy last October through a friend of mine.

My friend introduced him as “his brother”. We started dating in mid-January. Everything was great. But, I noticed that he would be unavailable after 9pm. I would only text instead of calling me until I would not return a text. If I did, it would read “call me”. I guess he got the message and started calling me. Then he shared with me that he doesn’t believe in holidays. Then he would leave without a “good bye” and say his mother was “gravely ill”. He became very controlling and started accusing me of friends that I knew for years. He started coaching me on how to act and what to say when we went out. I also discovered that when we are out and about in “our” home town, he would be standoffish. Out of town, I couldn’t “peel” him off of me. Anyway, you guessed it….he is married. When I confronted him, he said they filed in August and that it would be final in February. And said he loved me and wait until the end of the six months “waiting” period - which would have been February. So, I stayed in. Well, you guessed it……he never filed. But, kept telling me he did. After cornering him, I upset him more and asked if we can still be friends. He said he’s around “her” to stay in contact with his kids. To get out of our relationship, after he begged me to stay. He started saying I wasn’t a strong woman, started “trying” to break my spirit, or accusing me of others. Well, then he decided you guest it………to go back home. But, every once in a while I get a text stating “I still love you”. Any suggestions?

This open post was written 9 months ago | V/U/S: 104, 21, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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MiaMags offline Verified User (9 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 10 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (5 minutes after post)

he is such an a**hole!! My opnion, stay away from him! Been through it, left his a** in the dirt!

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (6 minutes after post)

What are you still doing communicating with a man who lied to you from the get go? He saw you coming and you fell for it. This guy is just using you and you are letting him use you. Walk away now and give this guy his walking papers and tell him to do what I used to tell my old horse and giddy up!

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (11 minutes after post)

I meant to say that, “he would only text me”. Until I would only reply “call me”. To force him to call and not text. I was told that I probably intimidated him because I’m a few years older, have my own home, and financially stable. He told me that he left me because he is “dealing with demons” and that “psychologially” he can not be with me because he is “insecure” and wants to fight any guy that speaks to me.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (12 minutes after post)

He is using you! Walk away!

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (13 minutes after post)

I walked away weeks ago. I was asking for suggestions to his random text messages: I still love you; you are the light at the end of my tunnel; wait for me; etc. He told me that he didn’t want to lose his kids.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (14 minutes after post)

Why are you still giving this guy the time of day? Forget him and move on!

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MiaMags offline Verified User (9 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 10 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (16 minutes after post)

No way gily,you need to go find a different guy. Just by reading what you said and before i read he was married, I already knew it. Typical guy thing.

Find a man that will treat you better, want to be with you an dnot hide anything. It will be hard getting over him BUT in the long run, when you are totally over him, you will be more wise. We are always here to help and if you want to talk on a email evel, ( i know it sounds weird) go for it. I went through that and I suffered for so long.

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~willard~ offline Verified User (1 year) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (17 minutes after post)

Ya hes using you big time! Get out girl!!!!! Best way to not talk to him or get his dumb texts is to call your phone provider and have his number blocked! I SOOOO ould if i were you because you never know when hes going to come around needing affection or some bs like that…. you sound SOOOOOOO much stronger then this hun, you dont need to have this drama in your life!

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (18 minutes after post)

Sad to say, that my ex would not let my friend who introduce us come near me. Now, I know why. He was his “brother-in-law” the wife’s brother. I was kind of hurt that my friend didn’t tell me he was married to his sister. But, I don’t want to share with him that we took it farther to “not” hurt his sister.

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (21 minutes after post)

Yeah, I’ve walked away. But, it still “ouch” a little. And yes, Willard, I’ve been told by friends that he would “re-appear” some day looking for affection. I’m alert and ready.

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MiaMags offline Verified User (9 months, 3 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 10 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (24 minutes after post)

sanste wrote:
Yeah, I’ve walked away. But, it still “ouch” a little. And yes, Willard, I’ve been told by friends that he would “re-appear” some day looking for affection. I’m alert and ready.

Good for you. You will find Mr. Right. He is pathetic. Think of it this way…

If he is willing to stay married to her, which he was obviously still together with her and lieing to you about splitting, then he would do that to you. Now think of how you would feel if the two of you were married and he weas seeing someone behind your back?

Not cool chicka

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (35 minutes after post)

Yes, not cool.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (36 minutes after post)

Next time he appears in your life or your texts, tell him to go suck an egg!

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (39 minutes after post)

Did you notice that when the lies began they did not stop?

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (43 minutes after post)

The lies kept going and going and going. But, everytime I caught him in one or went to a text message that he sent me “after telling me something different”. he would get extremely mad at me for going back to the text.

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gelspra offline Verified User (9 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (43 minutes after post)

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Keep looking for a good guy, they are out there.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (45 minutes after post)

You will find you knight in shining armor. Just have faith and stay away from the losers who just want a good time and to use you.

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (47 minutes after post)

He told me, in January when we started dating that his mother had a heart attack. She, supposingly, had one in February, March, and again in May (this is when he left). Well, she didn’t have one in April because he went to visit her. He told me he gave up his job, apartment, and cashed out his 401k to move back home to assist his mother (in April). He stayed until April 26th after meeting me at the Grand Canyons for a few days (end of April after not seeing him since March 31st - when he supposingly moved back home). On April 30th, he up and left. Find out that he went back to his wife.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (49 minutes after post)

Sorry to hear that. Now you need to move on and don’t be so gullible next time. This guy acted like the loser that he is because he probably saw in easy mark on you and that is why he used you and abused you physically and emotionally! Now, move on!

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sanste offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 9 months ago (50 minutes after post)

I’m ok with it just “shocked” that I didn’t see it coming. But, now - “NO WONDER”!! Thanks for your insight, encouragement, and expertise.

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littlenick offline Verified User (1 year, 11 months) Long Term User Shouts: 169 #
An Undisclosed Location | 9 months ago (53 minutes after post)

You’re going to be fine. Just be more cautious next time. Don’t fall so easily for what they tell you. If you take it at face value, at least try to put them to the test. If the feelings are genuine as the guy must be, they are not going to mind when you put them to the test and want to at least make sure that you are not falling into another trap.

I really think you are going to find the right guy that you are looking for and when you do, you will be very happy. At least those are my wishes for you!

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