friendship help: Ok here it goes..

mongoose31

Ok here it goes..

I’m 26 I have 2 children and I’ve been married for 7 years in Oct. I think me and my wife both are unhappy but neither one of us wants a divorce. I love my wife but I’m not really sure that I’m in love with her.. and I’m starting to worry that I may cheat on her.. I almost feel like there’s something missing in my life. but I don’t want to hurt her.. I’ve tried talking to her about this 100 times.. and she is there to listen.. but its almost like I’m scared to talk to her about anything. It wasn’t always like this.. I joined the military shortly after we got married.. And I don’t really feel like myself.. I’ve been out for almost 4 years and still feel like I was left somewhere at the station after boot… pretty good at talking to others but I cant talk to her.. and on top of that.. I almost refuse to keep any real friendship with anyone because I’m afraid that I’m going to get attached to them emotionally.

Any advice would be much appreciated.. thanks, H

This open post was written 5 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 189, 3, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post mongoose31 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. mongoose31 is a verified member, has been around for 5 months, 2 weeks and has 2 posts and 10 replies to their name.

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Anonymous #
5 months, 2 weeks ago (20 minutes after post)

mongoose31 wrote:
I love my wife but I’m not really sure that I’m in love with her

What do you mean by that?

mongoose31 wrote:
I’m starting to worry that I may cheat on her

You say that like it’s something you can’t control… if you’re worried about it and you don’t want to do it, then don’t. It’s that simple.

mongoose31 wrote:
I almost feel like there’s something missing in my life. but I don’t want to hurt her

What is it that’s missing? You seem to think it’s got something to do with her. Only you can fill in the gaps in your life, you know. If you think somethings missing, don’t automatically assume she has something to do with it.

mongoose31 wrote:
pretty good at talking to others but I cant talk to her

You can too talk to her! She’s your wife! You can talk to her about ANYTHING. That’s what she’s there for. And it sounds like you absolutely NEED to talk to her. Don’t let the fact that you’re scared of something keep you from talking to her. You’re doing her a great disservice by not telling her these things.
You say she’s always there to listen, so what’s the problem? The problem is YOU, not her.

mongoose31 wrote:
I don’t really feel like myself

You say you don’t feel like yourself. Is it that you’ve changed permanently and you’re not the person who fell in love with your wife, or is it that this is a temporary thing and you’ll go back to your old self with time and support? If it’s the latter, your wife will be able to help you through this rough time. Since you said you’re afraid of getting close to people emotionally, I’d have to guess it’s the latter. Your wife is your other half. You need to talk to her about this so she can help you through it, because just think of the pain you’re putting her through by acting this way. It sounds like she really loves you, and you really love her, but you’re doubting yourself and therefore doubting her. You need to stop that. I understand you’ve been through a lot and that you’re scared, but she is there to help you, she wants to help you, and you need her help.

You need to first think very hard and figure out why exactly you’re feeling the way you are. Once you come to a conclusion, talk it over with her.

[quote mongoose31]I love my wife but I’m not really sure that I’m in love with her[/quote]
What do you mean by that?

[quote mongoose31]I’m starting to worry that I may cheat on her[/quote]
You say that like it's something you can't control... if you're worried about it and you don't want to do it, then don't. It's that simple.

[quote mongoose31]I almost feel like there’s something missing in my life. but I don’t want to hurt her[/quote]
What is it that's missing? You seem to think it's got something to do with her. Only you can fill in the gaps in your life, you know. If you think somethings missing, don't automatically assume she has something to do with it.

[quote mongoose31]pretty good at talking to others but I cant talk to her[/quote]
You can too talk to her! She's your wife! You can talk to her about ANYTHING. That's what she's there for. And it sounds like you absolutely NEED to talk to her. Don't let the fact that you're scared of something keep you from talking to her. You're doing her a great disservice by not telling her these things.
You say she's always there to listen, so what's the problem? The problem is YOU, not her.

[quote mongoose31]I don’t really feel like myself[/quote]
You say you don't feel like yourself. Is it that you've changed permanently and you're not the person who fell in love with your wife, or is it that this is a temporary thing and you'll go back to your old self with time and support? If it's the latter, your wife will be able to help you through this rough time. Since you said you're afraid of getting close to people emotionally, I'd have to guess it's the latter. Your wife is your other half. You need to talk to her about this so she can help you through it, because just think of the pain you're putting her through by acting this way. It sounds like she really loves you, and you really love her, but you're doubting yourself and therefore doubting her. You need to stop that. I understand you've been through a lot and that you're scared, but she is there to help you, she wants to help you, and you need her help.

You need to first think very hard and figure out why exactly you're feeling the way you are. Once you come to a conclusion, talk it over with her.

mongoose31 0 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 2 weeks ago (2 hours, 6 minutes after post)

1. What do i mean by that? - I don’t really know.. I would have to say that she drives me crazy.. but I guess that’s what being in love is about.. Loving someone enough that no matter how much you like to beat them over the head with a rubber mallet.. you still love them at the end of the day..

2. Good point..

3. I never said that she did.. I said that “I almost feel like there’s something missing in my life. but I don’t want to hurt her” I guess I should have been more specific.. I know that I need to figure out what is missing.. I just don’t want to hurt her in the process of trying to figure that out..

4. Its hard to talk to someone that every time I talk to her I get everything turned around and nothing gets accomplished.. I tried to talk to her and by the time the conversation is over I feel like an @ss#o$e for even bringing it up and I’m apologizing to her.. for example.. about a year ago I started thinking it would be a good idea for me to get professional help.. with depression.. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression but I figured something was wrong.. I tried talking to her about it and all she did was kind of laugh and told me that I didn’t have depression.. and then went in this long spill about how she had been diagnosed at a young age with depression.. and about that point I stopped listing..

But your right I do need to talk to her.. but some how I need her to listen.. not hear me.. but listen..

5. I would say that its pretty permanent since I have felt like this for 7 years. almost.. I just feel like sometimes.. that I went in the military to help my family and in doing so I grew up.. I became a better father.. I know that for sure.. but I came out and she had changed to.. but it was like she had went the other direction while I was a way..

Anonymous #
5 months, 2 weeks ago (9 hours, 36 minutes after post)

mongoose31 wrote:
I came out and she had changed to.. but it was like she had went the other direction while I was a way..

That’s very common, although it’s unfortunate… I would say that you should DEFINITELY get professional help for your problem. If you feel like you might have depression, you should get a diagnosis, and I think you should also get counseling for you and your wife. That isn’t good at all if she’s not listening to you. She needs to do that, and if nothing you’re saying is getting through to her, a professional might be able to help. Good luck honey :( I don’t envy you one bit

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