marriage help: I’m almost 10 years in a relationship married for almost 2. - Help.com

Have you and/or your husband ever tried getting counselling on Alcohol Abuse?

Bingo..you are 100% right..you need to live because right now you are being strangled and you can not fix him and i know you know that..I have been where you are…but not anymore..he chosses to stay where he is..you chosse to live and let the real you come out , explore, climb, use your Talents :0)
Ok I,m going to add this I wrote last year…good luck and god will be with you..after all he made you to live!!!!!

OK! This question that has been around since the beginning of time and the topic of many, many books, debates and the catalyst for many a lonely hearts website.
Now the beginning of time has lot to do with the issue. Adam and eve were the first lovers and the world was their oyster and then one day they screwed up and the rest of us have paid the price ever since…bummer right!

Now some of us had wonderful parents and great childhoods and lived in leave it to Beaver Neighborhood - and later we married and repeated the happy family love story cycle.
Sad to say that was not my story…I grew up in Ireland with a dad who loved to empty whiskey glass`s and go to frequent interviews of the many employment establishments of Ireland….So I had no great example of a wonderful loving relationship, RIGHT! But I knew how to pack a car and move to the next village.

So with this wonderful wealth of experience I embarked on a trail of broken relationships and a failed marriage. After this I went to counseling and paid some guy (who was on anti depressants) $120 an hour to basically talk about my childhood and all that…it helped a little bit, but not much…i realized i was paying to see a Dad I never had. So I found a good friend! Hey they have ears and are freeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
The next thing I did was go on a voyage of self discovery and gave myself permission to take time out and smell the roses, I bought A BMW motorcycle and took off on adventures and never really knew where I was going. It was so much fun. During those years I discovered I loved to write, so I did. I began to discover what I liked in people and who I wanted to be around and how to put up healthy boundaries.

In short I went from a needy, lonely person to a healthy individual who knew who I was.
I had read book years ago by the guy that started E Harmony and the most important thing I took away from that was Get Healthy! Because if you do not take time out, time will catch up with you so fast in the form of a shovel of dirt being thrown on a lonely coffin. Life comes at you fast.

OK! Yes I did, I went on E harmony and yes the beautiful woman in the pic is my true soul-mate and lover. When I met Cynthia it was my heart that guided me, because I had a healthy one…she does not complete me, only God can do that, but we so complement each other and interestingly enough she is not my opposite. We are so very much alike.
Is E Harmony the answer….no, it’s Just a tool God used to bring us together. But God healed my heart so that I could freely give it to another and she to me the true essence of agape love!

So how do you fall in love with the right person??? The way we treat others, be it good relationships or complete strangers, is a mirror image of how we see ourselves. As the saying goes “You are who you hang out with - or what you eat!” No one can tell the other who the right person is or how to do it - the key is taking a look at yourself, are you the right person?
Bottom line Adam and Eve messed up and God sent a Healthy Jesus, not a religious church, to set our hearts free so that we can love deeply and freely explore the true adventure of life he wants us to have.

Hey Hope this was not to much LOL

You knowm if your life is on the right track then care for him or not you cant let your husband interfere, your spouse she be helping you go along not holding you back it might be best for you and your husband if you seperated maybe he will try to get help with his drinking problem under those circumstances or maybe it wont help him change at all. It sounds to me like you need to do whats best for yourself, we all have to be selfish every once in a while.

But I would definently say you deserve to be happy wouldnt you?

I think you grew up and he hasn’t. He still wants to Sow some Oats and you feel enough is enough, let’s get real. You can’t change people, you either accept them the way they are or go about finding someone that has the same outlook on life that you do. They don’t have to be exactly like you but they do have to have the same values. Otherwise you just wear yourselves out. That’s not love, that’s control and possessiveness so the mate can be used for their own purposes.

Well said :0)

Wow! You guys are awesome. Thanks for putting things into perspective, I guess I just had to hear it! Thank so much.

“This is already my second marriage! maybe i need to work on me for a while.”

After I read your comment and Mikeq10’s comments I think that it is true that we should know ourselves before we decide on a mate. Love and lust are really two seperate issues although both are required in a relationship. When we are young lust is most prominent and when we grow older we mature into being capable of loving someone for a long, long time. Sometimes if lucky, the young couple grow up together.

The only time that someone should consider loving someone in a committed relationship is when they have given themselves everything they ever wanted. Then they are ready to share and/or give to someone else.

Only the immature go into a relationship thinking that this is the time to get what they want. It’s not a 50/50 proposition. It’s more like each of you giving 90/10 in the areas of your lifes that will fall apart from time to time.

When love comes along, real love, there are no requirements that nurturing can’t fix. There exists a mutual respect and devotion and both partners are very careful not to tread on the other one. Best of luck to you.