Can You Critique This Please. - Help.com

Wow, that’s good. It’s like a Romeo and Juliet were two loves kill each other, but this poems tells that they killed each other on purpose because of some argument. Very good. Was I close?

I love that!
The couple are like ,as Meet Jr. said, Romeo and Juliet.
Well done.
Keep writing more!!

v clever :) youre metre is off a little though (beats per line)

yours goes
9,8,8,10
8,10,7,9
9,9,9,7
8.7.7.6,

now you could justify it by saying that love (especially this love) is complicated and therefore doesnt conform, and the last line is shorter because they/thier love is dead, (cur short)here is an ajusted version useing all your amazing words to make the metre fit.

Together we linger down the aisle
With the two of us in denial
Will our love overcome whats wrong
Keeping the dark away to stay strong

There’s Growing Darkness, we Soon will Face
this shared love we must embrace
and Hold Each Other By The Palm
To Keep The Darkness Peacefully Calm

The Signs, growing stronger by day
No longer can they be kept at bay
The dark has risen and it is here
The end of time is growing so near

We force ourselves apart by the knife
The Dark has caused us terrible strife
The two of us now dead at last
Our Love Rest In The Past

now the metre is 9,8,8,9 throughout with the last line cut to 6 (i like what it represents, not only are they cut short the poem is also.

:)

oops third stanza should be ‘by THE day’

Wow, emily, you’re good.

Good job. *highz teh fivez*

meh, i only corrected the metre, not my words. x

*Dorien* TTYL wrote:
Lol thanks u guys.

You two emily =]]

I usually don’t write my poems in the particular AABB Pattern or whatever.
I usually do it ABAB? (Is that how it is?)

Example:
Our love has grown
The time is near
Blah blah blah
I love u dear

Who cares how you write them, so long as they are written.

*Dorien* TTYL wrote:
Lol I guess

Your poetry is beautiful, show us more, please.