I really need help with anger

This post left anonymously

I really need help with anger

My Mum has Alzheimers and I’m worried I’ll get cross at a family meeting tomorrow to plan her care. I’ve been really cross with my brother for doing so little and I’m worried I’ll express cross-ness tomorrow and that people will think I’m stupid / mean / annoying.

I reckon I do 60% of her care, and my brother does about 5% so there is validity to my complaint, but I feel guilty about expressing anger and then I get into this spiral of frustration / guilt / with-holding.

Maybe I am asking is it ok for me to get angry?

My family are all quite restrained and they look at me in a way that I think is disgust, but I dont know for sure what they are thinking.

There’s also the question of what works, ie I’m more likely to get the result of other people helping more by remaining calm, but I did ask him nicely for 3 years before I started getting mad.

And it is having a big effect on my life - I’m not going to get to have children if I dont get my act together this year and seeing as there are 8 people in the family it’s not fair that I am doing 60% of her care, like 25 hours per week plus all the planning…

This open post was written 5 months, 1 week ago | V/U/S: 97, 3, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Anonymous edited this post 5 months, 1 week ago. Read the previous text »

My Mum has Alzheimers and I’m worried I’ll get cross at a family meeting tomorrow to plan her care. I’ve been really cross with my brother for doing so little and I’m worried I’ll express cross-ness tomorrow and that people will think I’m stupid / mean / annoying.

I reckon I do 60% of her care, and my brother does about 5% so there is validity to my complaint, but I feel guilty about expressing anger and then I get into this spiral of frustration / guilt / with-holding.

Maybe I am asking is it ok for me to get angry?

My family are all quite restrained and they look at me in a way that I think is disgust, but I dont know for sure what they are thinking.

There’s also the question of what works, ie I’m more likely to get the result of other people helping more by remaining calm, but I did ask him nicely for 3 years before I started getting mad.

And it is having a big effect on my life - I’m not going to get to have children if I dont get my act together this year and seeing as there are 8 people in the family it’s not fair that I am doing 60% of her care, like 25 hours per week plus all the planning…

miss_pinklady196 0 #
An Unknown Location | 5 months, 1 week ago (25 minutes after post)

have you asked your family to help with the responsibilty, rationaly tell them the teffect it has on you life and that you need there help, also if you wanna throw a direct critism at then dont jus say - you need to help, say i FEEL you could help more, no one can argue that your feelings are wrong,

E

Help me with: Does any one else think like this..

Anonymous #
5 months, 1 week ago (34 minutes after post)

i have tried that, they say they will help but then they say ‘ah, no i am very busy at the moment’, or ’sorry, i did mean to do that’

i do believe i have done all the rational things like explaining the impact

and given that, is it ok to express anger?

maybe it is ok to express anger but the problem is i feel soooooo guilty when i’m doing it that what i am wanting to communicate gets lost

maybe i just want someone to say, yes it is ok to express anger when all reasonable requests have failed and then i can get THROUGH the anger back to effective communication without getting stuck in the guilt…

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