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I recently broke up with my girlfriend of two and a half years.
I will give a bit of back story so everything makes sense.
After a year and a half being in this relationship the lust had faded and I wanted to feel it again. I wanted the passion again. I ended up e-mailing an old friend and expressing my past passion for her. My girlfriend at the time checked my email and saw the message. She was very upset, but for some reason didn’t break up with me. I deleted my myspace afterward and tried to be more caring. This seemed impossible with ever passing day, because I was getting more and more detached. A few months later I broke up with her right after we just had sex. I know that wasn’t the best time to break the news to her, but I just felt so disconnected. Over the next few months we continued to have sex together although we weren’t dating. I was being an extremely horrible person, because she would get close to me and I would get mad and tell her that she shouldn’t be that close to me, because we are not dating. Then later that day I would have sex with her. I’m aware that this is a horrible thing to do and I shouldn’t have jerked her emotions around. I just didn’t know how to move on without her.
Well, eventually she found another guy. I became extremely jealous and started to feel like I made a mistake. The passion had come back in my life. Over the next few months I would continuously try to get her back. She would tell me that she loved me and wanted to be back with me. Even though she wanted to be with me she kept seeing this other guy. Even after she broke up with him they would still hang and she seemed attached to him. This jerked me around so much.
About two months after she broke up with him we started dating again. It was so relieving, but at the same time I felt like I had done a horrible thing by breaking them apart. Over the next three months people would tell me that my girlfriend and her ex would be holding hands or being extremely close to each other. She would deny it and say she doesn’t like him and he’s annoying. At one point she told me she was going for a walk and I found out later that day that she went to see him. I was so hurt that it caused me to be apathetic for awhile. I then looked through her cell and found a text telling her ex that she loved him. I should have broken up with her then, but I didn’t.
Over the next month I became less sexually attracted to her. I became more apathetic to her then I had have ever been while she became more loving and caring. She became such a great girlfriend, but I wasn’t there anymore.
Well, two days ago I broke up with her because I have huge trust issues. We are still talking here and there, but she is going into a deep depression. I feel lost without her, but I know that it wouldn’t have worked out. I also know that eventually I will be fine, but I’m afraid for her. I care about her so much despite what has happened in our history.
My question for you is how do I get past the guilt of what I’m putting her through?
Or should I even care?
This open post was written 5 months ago | V/U/S: 397, 4, 1 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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