Love help: Almost. - Help.com

Anonymous wrote:
Jeese, i feel sorry for you, but i havnt even a girlfriend ever…maybe you can get back together with him. how old are you and him?

No, it ended for a reason. I’m 20.

Heh, perhaps “reasons” would be more accurate. His personality was very inconsistent throughout the relationship. It seemed he only wanted me when he couldn’t have me. I want someone who’ll love me always.

jaycee wrote:
Why dwell on the past. I think it’s completely healthy to forget how love feels when we are in the grieving and getting over it stage. Love comes and goes…but ultimately true love won’t fade. We go through these rough times to prepare us…so that we may realize something perfect when we have it :)

That’s the thing though. I haven’t dwelled on it at all. After the break up I was, and still am, so sure that we’re never going to get back together. To be honest, I am relieved that that roller coaster of a relationship is over. But after the break up, I didn’t think about it at all in fear that I might want him back. I’m like a recovering crack addict. I know I’ve gotten over the addiction but if you put that stuff in front of me, I might break…I couldn’t risk succumbing to that. Up until last night I haven’t looked at a single picture of us, or read a single love letter. For weeks, instead of risking feeling what I might feel, I occupied myself. I worked hard, exercised, spent copious amounts of time going out with friends and family, playing guitar, etc. Although productive outlets, I was avoiding an inevitability, making these activities crutches more than anything. Thus I spent everyday feeling like a drifter. I was under the misconception that I was done with him. I was over it, I no longer loved him. I didn’t feel like I needed any more closure. Yet a part of me, for weeks, remained uneasy and I couldn’t understand why. For the longest time I wondered if I’d ever feel grounded again.

Last night when I looked at all those pictures, I could not recognize myself. The thought of me being so connected to another human being felt so bizarrely unfamiliar that I started to cry. I can describe to you every wave of his unkempt hair, the soft ivory of his forehead, the chicken pox scar on his face, every eyelash, and every hair on his arm but if you were to tell me that I once held his hand and kissed the bridge of his nose and rode on his back, I wouldn’t believe you.

njzuzu9 wrote:
I think you should tell him and get back together and fix what went wrong because it sounds like you really miss him. Best of luck.

Oh no, no, no haha I don’t miss him. I do not love him anymore. I think the realization that that human connection is what is missing from my life is just what I needed to get out of that purgatory-esque place I was in. For the first time in a long time, I can sincerely say, “I’m okay.”