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How do I get him to stop playing HOT COLD games with me?
We have been working together for 5 years, but only in the past year have we gotten close. He can be an incredible friend who pays attentions to details and nuances. He knows my every subtle expression and can pick up even the slightest of annoyance from my voice, EVEN when I’m trying to conceal it.
Sometimes we are very close, and we spend several hours a day, talking, eating together, texting, working out. But at other times, he withdraws and is distant. Sometimes he is just very busy. But at other times, I feel like he’s using business as an excuse. It’s hard to describe, but you can feel when someone is giving you the cold shoulder.
We’ve been through this more than a few times, and I have expressed my dismay for this inconsistent behavior. And each time he has come around and conceded to my emotional needs. In the past, when he was angry with me, he often withdrew from me, but didn’t tell me WHY he was angry with me. We have discussed this, and we made a pact with each other, that we would not do that anymore. I have also asked him about this hot cold treatment and he said “Oh, that was me putting up walls. I’m not going to do that anymore.”
Well, except it feels like that is exactly what is going on between us. Except for one day where I put out an olive branch to what seemed like a very subtle psychological war between us, he has been very cold and distant for a few weeks. This from someone who normally spends 3 hours a day with me in some way. Sometimes I can go for days without seeing him now. I have asked if there was something going on that he wanted to share, or, if he’s angry with me. He said no.
To further explain this, we have a strong chemistry that I would be happy to act on. But he has told me that he does not want to act on it. Since this has been going on for over a year, I have decided to move on with my life and pursue other people, since he seems unwilling to get off the pot…
I feel very taken for granted right now. He rarely answers any of my emails, and when he does, there is usually some minor criticism of something he didn’t like about me. It seems to me, he is upset with me, but won’t tell me why. I can assure you the last time this happened, and I walked away, he came back to me and was excessively attentive. But I’m really tired of this kind of inconsistent behavior. It hurts me.
I went on a date the other day, and he knows it. In fact, he was very interested to know if it was a “date date” or a “friend date”. Anyway, I went on the date, and the date went fine. However, I decided that I’m not interested in further pursuing this fellow. Anyway, I know my friend is going to ask me how it went in excruciating detail. He will ask because I know he is interested me in the same way as “I don’t want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you” kind of way.
So what do I say? I hate game playing, but it seems being open and honest just scares him, and he only behaves properly when he thinks he is losing me. So I was thinking of just saying the date went fine, and not saying anything more. And if he asks what else, just say “what more can I say, it’s a first date.”
But there is a side to me that just wants to not even bother to meet him for breakfast today. To tell him, I’m too busy. (Which is true, since I haven’t been in the office for a few days.) But I have always cleared my schedule for him, no matter HOW busy I was.
What should I do about this situation?
Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.
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