everytime I speak to people in a group and im not the center of attention I struggle to join in and feel left out. - Help.com

yeah I have tried that at times, but so often i struggle to have an opportunity to join myself in. its like for a conversation to be worthwhile, they have to focus all the attention of me rather than someone else.

Im not sure jokes work to be honest. its like i dunno how to deal with the feelings inside. i think thats why i got jealous of one time my ex being with a partner and things like that. not so much about being in a relationship, but its like i have to have all the focus on me the whole time, and its like if i dont, i feel isolated and left out and never know how to accept it.
i feel betrayed and rejected if people dont give me attention. when peoples minds are focus on other people i get angry and jealous inside and dont know how to deal with it. its like attention =happy, no attention= very unhappy.
either i get it or not. its like when people are distracted i can struggle to understand and get so upset and frustrated. its like i cant join into the conversation if i dont get any focus.
i dont know how to explain it but it really is affecting me and i end up feeling so isolated.

well, the thing is, i would think like that if it happened with a few people. but i experience this 95% of the time.

i dunno if its a matter of them being true or not considerin i have this problem a MAJORITY of the time. if it happened with just a few people it wud be easier to mention this but it happens most of the time.
i struggle to join in conversations when peoples minds are focus away from myself.
it is like myself should be the centre of all group conversations i join in and if im not, i close off and end up feeling hurt and isolated. unfortuntetly, realsitcally not in all group conversations will people be willing to fit round what i want to talk about. god its so hard to talk about it, but i end up feeling sohurt.

littlenick wrote:
Do you think people feel uncomfortable because of your aspergers’? (Did I even spell it right?)

well, thing is, most people dont know i have it, and will not have any understanding or any knowledge. most are ignorant with that kinda thing.

but what way do u think ppl would be uncomfortable?

MiaMags wrote:
That happens to me alot. the thing that i do help it so i do not feel that way is act interested in what theya re saying so that way they feel more comfortable with me and give me that attention. people love it when theya re talking they know you are listening and maybe relate. Then, after that, you will be able to grab their attention because they like you.

i guess i do struggle to show interest. thats prob it. most people are better at showing interest than me. i guess i could try and show more interest, but even so, its like im born to expect to have all the focus on myself.

its like everything should be about me and every1 else is less important.

MiaMags wrote:
Well thats not right. It should be give and recieve. Not stubborness. that is your problem right there. you only think of yourself. dont be so selfish

this is what i mean by ignorance. i dont intend to be selfish, its how my brain is wired as i have aspergers syndrome a form of autism. you really dont understand, please dont call me selfish. thats not fair.

what is parkinson’s?

jetmoo wrote:
does it make you feel bad when you think that others are less important?

im not sure, atm im just getting over being called selfish by a certain someone.
but then atm i am feeling sensitive as in low state of mind.

i dont think it has made me feel bad tbh. its not like i dont care about them, i guess i see it more as i should be the focus and have all the attention.

jetmoo wrote:
maybe I was wrong about you not having enough confidence..i think you need to see others as equally as important as yourself. everyone deserve attention, but should also listen to others as well

i guess its something that doesnt come naturally to me. its like i experience a lot of emotional pain and feel extrememly rejected. i get all these emotions fire up which are hard to control. they make me feel sad and i end up excluding myself.

MiaMags wrote:
I see what you mean, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Im sorry.

The best thing you can do is show a little more interest in what others are saying. But remember, if you want attention, give attention. Its a 50/50 deal. And that is how a friendship works too hun. You should practice with one person, then teo people then three people and find hwere you have troubles and work hard to get to your goal point

thanks for understanding. i have tried to show interest and attempted to put in effort but i really find it hard. like when there are two people talkin or more its like im in competition to have the most focus on myself still. i guess im so focused on myself to realise everyone else wants the same thing. i guess its not like i dont care about what other people want, its like ive been oblivious to that. its like ive only focused on what i want, rather than being able to realise what other peoples needs are i suppose. you agree?

littlenick wrote:
People with idiopathic Parkinson’s disease may develop several symptoms over time; however, most patients do not develop all of the symptoms associated with the condition. In most cases, primary symptoms include slow movements (bradykinesia), tremor, rigidity, and parkinsonian gait. Symptoms of Parkinson’s usually begin on one side of the body.

Parkinson’s disease may progress quickly or gradually over years. Many patients become profoundly disabled and others continue to function relatively well.

Symptoms of Parkinson’s can vary from day to day or even moment to moment. There often is no clear reason for this fluctuation of symptoms; however, it may be attributable to disease process or to antiparkinson medications.

Primary Symptoms
Bradykinesia is slowness in voluntary movement. It produces difficulty initiating movement, as well as difficulty completing movement once it is in progress. The delayed transmission of signals from the brain to the skeletal muscles, due to diminished dopamine, produces bradykinesia. Bradykinesia and rigidity that affects the facial muscles can result in an expressionless, “mask-like” appearance.

Tremors in the hands, fingers, forearm, or foot tend to occur when the limb is at rest, but not when the patient is performing tasks. Tremor may occur in the mouth and chin as well.

Rigidity, or stiff muscles, may produce muscle pain and facial masking. Rigidity tends to increase during movement.

Poor balance is due to the impairment or loss of the reflexes that adjust posture in order to maintain balance. Falls are common in people with Parkinson’s disease.

Parkinsonian gait is the distinctive unsteady walk associated with Parkinson’s disease. There is a tendency to lean unnaturally backward or forward, and to develop a stooped, head-down, shoulders-drooped stance. Arm swing is diminished or absent and people with Parkinson’s tend to take small shuffling steps (called festination). Patient’s with Parkinson’s may have trouble starting to walk, may appear to be falling forward as they walk, may freeze in mid-stride, and may have difficulty making a turn.

i find it hard to read as so logical and all that. but it doesnt seem very pleasant to have.

but i think the problem is im so focused on needing attention myself i forget other people need it too.

MiaMags wrote:

spiritedsoul wrote:

MiaMags wrote:
I see what you mean, I didn’t mean to hurt you. Im sorry.

The best thing you can do is show a little more interest in what others are saying. But remember, if you want attention, give attention. Its a 50/50 deal. And that is how a friendship works too hun. You should practice with one person, then teo people then three people and find hwere you have troubles and work hard to get to your goal point

thanks for understanding. i have tried to show interest and attempted to put in effort but i really find it hard. like when there are two people talkin or more its like im in competition to have the most focus on myself still. i guess im so focused on myself to realise everyone else wants the same thing. i guess its not like i dont care about what other people want, its like ive been oblivious to that. its like ive only focused on what i want, rather than being able to realise what other peoples needs are i suppose. you agree?

I think there are alot of people like that. i think what you have to do is try maybe to make the circle of people talking into an open talk session where people can just join in and say whatever they want. random talk. Maybe try that instead of be quiet. BUT remeber not to cut people off when theya re talking. it is hard to describe

yeah cutting of is so easy because i forget what their needs are as im so focused on my own.

littlenick wrote:

spiritedsoul wrote:
but i think the problem is im so focused on needing attention myself i forget other people need it too.

Maybe it’s a matter of give and take. Just don’t give up.

well, i wont, thats kinda why im on here, to ask for guidance, help, advice etc

spiritedsoul wrote:

littlenick wrote:

spiritedsoul wrote:
but i think the problem is im so focused on needing attention myself i forget other people need it too.

Maybe it’s a matter of give and take. Just don’t give up.

well, i wont, thats kinda why im on here, to ask for guidance, help, advice etc

i do want to work through this and now i know what could be the main difficulty it means ican try and find ways to work round it,

littlenick wrote:
I wish I could give a magic wand or a recipe for you to overcome that. Unfortunately, I’m not there with you to help you through that. That makes me sad. Hopefull in time you will do it by yourself and it will all be all right.

I do hope i can sort if out. i struggle because i see my siblings make friends and go out where as im stuck at home frustrated. i guess i do struggle to go into other peoples worlds and see their needs other than my own. a lot of people say when i got aspergers and find things difficult they say i use it as an excuse but its easy for them to say that, its like i can empathise a bit but not all the time. its like they have this all or nothing theory. either i can or not, but its more complicated than that. i can do it in bits but not as much as the majority can.

I know someone who me and my brother and mate think who has autism. she only thinks of her own needs the whole time, like we we go out she doesnt have the capability to see what my needs are. she constantly wants to do the things she wants to do and never even considers what i want to do at all. i do get frustrated though, being on the other side (she is more affected than me).

also i think i can forget easily other peoples needs are different to my own. i guess i need to remember that when people dont give me their attention, its because, like me, they need it themselves which i can so easily not recognise and pick up. its like ive been thinking if they dont give me attention, its their way of rejecting me which is what i thought and have been taking it painfully personally. it has given me great pain inside.