depression help: I can’t get rid of this mask i’ve used to hide my - Help.com

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Note: I’m a robot that the Help.com staff created. If this response is in error, I apologize, please ignore it.

Get it all out here, I’ll listen to you. What goes on in your mind? Have a ramble. Maybe talking about it and putting your thoughts into words will help.
Have you tried seeking a professional about your problems?

I know how you feel. The neverending string of questions, anxious of what people will think of you, of how to project yourself to others. And you’re right, suicide would do the complete opposite. You would be heartbroken if one of your family members committed suicide, wouldn’t you? But at the end of the day wearing a mask for anybody is not a good thing. Maybe it’s time you were open about how you feel to those who care about you the most. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

You realize you need help. The idea that informing your family will burden them is quite a popular one. Your selflessness is noted. However, when it comes to your well being, the benefits of having a family (at least a good one) is having them care about you. Sitting and waiting for it to get better doesn’t last two years and something is obviously bothering you about yourself and doesn’t have the tendency to lessen with time. Seeing somebody, however foolish it may sound in your head due to the obvious answers you may conclude, can be VERY helpful.

Especially if you’re running circles.

The great thing about us as a species of intelligence is that there are all types of thinkers out there. Perhaps it’s time you open the doors to a new way of thought and see someone?

What anon said is perfect. Really the best thing you can do for yourself is to see somebody. Go to your local GP. Take that first step in overcoming your problems and trust me you will be all the better for it. You should let your parents know this and open up to them. Tell them that for years you have been depressed and that you are going to seek help and that you need their support more than anything. I’m sure that they will understand and will be supportive because as your parents they love you and raised you and will want the best for you.
Just know that there is help out there and that you don’t need to look very far to find it. If you feel like you have reached breaking point and that you can’t hide it anymore, now is as good a time as any to talk to somebody about it. Carrying all that emotional baggage on your own can’t be doing you any good.
So my advice is to see somebody, talk it out, talk about your depression and how to overcome it and you will find that it is possible to not have to hide behind a mask for the rest of your life.

Your parents will love you always no matter who you are and what you do, trust me on that. Especially if they are good and loving parents. They may be shocked that you would want to hurt yourself, I know I would be if I was a parent. But they will not see you differently, or be ashamed of you, yes maybe overprotective but that is to be expected if they care about you. If anything they will just be there for you a whole lot more and be nore concerned about your wellbeing which isn’t a bad thing. All risks aside, you should tell them.

Agreed. I hurt myself once to get rid of the pain- but honestly, it’s just as self destructive to your self image as the the mask you’ve deemed yourself (not to mention hypocritical). I understand that it gets rid of the pain- it’s also pretty exciting. But the benefits stop there- and as you already know it gets the ball rolling on different ideas (purely silly ideas) about ending your life (possibly your only life?).

And if it is a possibility to you that this may be your only life, why waste it. Talk to your parents. Get some new ideas. It’s a hell of a lot more painful to carry around a burden for years on end, than the short amount of time it will take to discuss it and deal with it openly.