Love help: I came home from work on Fri to find my fiance had packed up and moved out 3 weeks before our wedding. - Help.com

Wait and see what he does. Did you put pressure on him to propose and set a date for the wedding?

no, not at all. it was his proposal, and his idea to get married on the date and in the way we planned (abroad - which is why his family wouldnt come). he was so excited by it all, and says he got carried away planning the wedding without actually thinking it through. I know he loves me, but he is so proud and wants to do everything by the book.

Are you going to have a long sit down with him and maybe try to keep the wedding date or is it already called off?

wedding is already called off - he did that.

I have sat down and talked with him, but he was so confused about everything and I was so upset. We have agreed to take time and try and see our way out..meet up soon and talk again, but I just swing from one emotion to another and can’t think straight. am scared I am going to lose him.

Cold feet on his part then? Don’t you think it’s better he did this now then if you had actually gotten married and he was not going to be happy and at the same time make you unhappy?

I think maybe you just got a taste of what life with him will be like. How long have you two known each other? It seems really erratic for him to just up and move out with no discussion or warning or anything…

we’ve only been together 18 months, and it been a tough 18 months for us both. our relationship has been very good and very easy…but I’ve been sick and he was made redundant. he says he wants us to be togtether but he needs to take time to sort out his life first..I have a good job and a settled home, but he doesnt. it just feels like it all went too fast. I just hope if he has some space he realises what he’s lost and makes an effort to get it back. if he doesnt, then I guess I am better off. though it sure doesnt feel that way.

It’s natural to feel the way you feel. After all, 18 months worth of time is no chump change when it comes to time. You’re not going to get that back. However, now the only thing you can do is start making decisions based on what is best for you. He sounds confused and lost and hopefully he regains his senses before it’s too late and maybe you’re the one who does not want to go back to the relationship anymore.

Plan without him in your life. Plan like your life depended on it, because it does. The worst thing you can do is wait and be idle hoping he changes his mind. Of course, if you still want him give him some leeway to come back and reclaim his position with you that he has put at peril. Don’t, however, put your own life on hold because you’re waiting for him to make up his mind. Do the normal things you do and keep on living. Because that is the only thing you can do. If you show him that you are willing to wait for him forever, he might just make you do that and you don’t want that.

Your time and your life are too precious waiting for someone who cannot make up his mind or decide what he wants to do with his life or if he even wants a life with you. It’s tough, I know but you have to be strong for the both of you and mainly for yourself. It’s not a matter of dilly dally, it’s a matter of assertiveness on your part. You know what you want and you know where you want this relationship to go but he does not know or does not want to continue this relationship, it does not matter what you want.

Talk to him and have a very long sit down and a very frank discussion as to why exactly he got cold feet so close to the wedding date. It’s a good thing he did not wait until the actual day of the wedding to do that you because then you would have really have been traumatized and hurt. Then you wouldn’t have forgiven him if he wanted to come back.

Do what is best for you. Don’t put his hopes and dreams first before yours.

Never put yourself at any kind of dissadvantage because you think he needs help. If he really wants to come around and he loves you–really really loves you–he will make up his mind and he won’t vacillate with your feelings. Because even if there is no wedding, you want to be sure that you know how he feels 10000000% about you for you to even think about dedicating any more time to him. You are what’s important and if he wants to still be what’s important to you, he will come around. Otherwise, I’m sorry honey, move on!!! You owe it to yourself.

I hope I helped you seeing things more clearly.

At least he is doing this now and not 10 years from now.

You said it yourself - you said your peace - now its time to wait for him to say his. Don’t rush him or else he might say something he thinks you want to hear.

There’s nothing you really can do. He knows what you want. Just don’t let him fool you - try to look past the fact that he doesn’t want to hurt you and look at it for what hes really saying - hes confused.

That’s just crazy… I would be sooooo hurt!!!! :( I think you should just give him some space and let him come begging for your forgiveness if he wants it.

I think he had second thoughts about marrying you. Like you said, everything was going too fast. Marriage is a very big responsibility and you should be thankful that he didn’t do this the day of. Or better yet, run out on you several weeks after. He doesn’t seem too responsible to me, maybe a little selfish on his part. He didn’t think about your feelings and didn’t discuss this openly with you. Is this what you want in a man? Do you want someone who is not receptive to your needs or emotions? Someone who puts himself first? Maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did. I’m sure he just didn’t decide at that moment to run out. I’m sure he was thinking about it for quite some time and maybe there was someone else involved in his decision making.

You shouldnt allow the “ball is firmly in his court” HE ****** up NOT you. HE left, not YOU. HE needs to make that up to YOU.

Think of it this way. If he is doing this 3 weeks before the wedding imagion if he did this 3 week after? Yeah I know its a stressful time but up and leaving while your fiance’s head is turned is just a cowardes way to try and get out of it.

If he isnt willing to do anything that you need to forgive him for abandoning you 3 weeks before the day that is suppost to be the best day of your life, then he isnt worth it.