marriage help: I’m married to a man that has cheated, mentaly abused me & now its gone physical. - Help.com



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I’m married to a man that has cheated, mentaly abused me & now its gone physical.

I have a child from a previous marriage and a second child from my marriage. I just recently noticed that he has the 6 year old watch the 11 month old. He doesn’t leave them alone in the house or anything. But he does leave them in there room to play. That’s ok but they don’t need to be in there all the time. And my 6 year old shouldn’t feel like she’s taking care of her sister.
I work long night hours because I have to be able to take my oldest to school or both of them to doctor appointments. He takes money out of my wallet. I’m always broke and cant make my bills because he’s so called stressed and needs a beer.
After a 12 hour night shift I come home to a house that is a mess. I want to leave him. I just want it to be over. But I cant do it by myself. I have no one to take care of the kids at night while I work. Or during the day while I sleep. I was just gonna give it all up and take my kids into a shelter just to get away. But I just moved into a new apartment. My grandmother let me borrow $1500 for the down payment. She new I needed a new apartment bad so she helped me even though she really didn’t have the money to give. So I don’t want to leave that apartment after what she did for me. I cant kick him out or I’m back at square one with the kids.

This open post was written 4 months ago | V/U/S: 181, 12, 8 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post


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Abba Zabba offline Verified User (4 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (7 minutes after post)

Have you contacted the police yet?
Could you possibly move in with your grandma, and say it’s an emergency? If your husband is physically and mentally abusing you, your kids are also at risk. You need to get out of there.

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a1cnev offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (14 minutes after post)

My grandmother moved in with her son. (my uncle) no room for me and two kids. I have called the police a couple of times. I never pressed charges or even put him in jail. I always need him to watch the kids so I can work. Work=money=apartment

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loserlizzy93 offline Verified User (4 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (40 minutes after post)

dump him!!!! kick him out…im sure that even if ur the one to leave ur grandmother will not mind the lost money once she hears what hes been doing to u and that finally u left him. i know that it might feel like he is ur only option, but im sure that things would work out, yeah they might be hard at first but it beats a living hell an hoping for something better.

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a1cnev offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (47 minutes after post)

i agree.. but im very close with my grandmother. i did tell her everything. she wants me to leave him too. but she doesnt want me to loose the apartment. to work so hard to fall down so hard.

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loserlizzy93 offline Verified User (4 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (49 minutes after post)

ur not falling….ur not moving up or down…what ur doing is taking a step to the side….and its not a failure if u cna get your children away from that bastard becuase hes not a threat jsut to u, but to ur kids and there is NO SUCH THING AS FAILING if u can protect the ones u love the most

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a1cnev offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (54 minutes after post)

that just really made me almost cry… oh god. i need strength right now.

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chofa_lo offline Verified User (4 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 1 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (59 minutes after post)

i would sau to wait until he does something to you again, in my heart i know that you should leave asap, but its better to wait. this way as soon as he assaults you you will call the police and they (after you explain everything that has happened) will put him in jail and maybe even file a restraining order (thats what a friend did) this way you will keep the appartment and him away from u and ur kids. i would suggest asking either your grandma or a close friend to take care of you kids at night, i mean all they have to do is put them in bed so it would not be a burden to anyone; and let them know it is not permanent but untill you find other arrangments, later you can either find a roomate who can pay rent with money as well as by taking care of your kids. its just a suggestion and i hope it helps

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loserlizzy93 offline Verified User (4 months, 2 weeks) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (1 hour, 1 minute after post)

and u can find that within urself and ur kids…u wont be the first or the last single mom on earth…there will always be help for u somewhere..family, friends, anywhere u look. but if u cant take the first step to leave a man like that, then nobody can do that fro u. ppl will help u along the rest of the way, but the first step might be the hardest, but its the most important and u can do it!!

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Dragon_Lady offline Verified User (1 year, 8 months) Long Term User Shouts: 5 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (1 hour, 11 minutes after post)

Call the police. He needs to leave, and sooner rather than later. These things always escalate, and then the apartment and your job will be the very least of your worries. Remember, bills and things are in the future; but with an abusive husband hanging around you may not have a future.

They have services available to help you. There are shelters for battered women, babysitting services, job training -all kinds of things. Just call them and let them know what is going on, and they can give you all kinds of referrals for what you need.

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a1cnev offline Unverified User #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (1 hour, 48 minutes after post)

thank you all so much. im at work right now. and i just want to ball my eyes out. im tellin my family whats goin on in hopes one of them will help. if not ill go into the shelter. ill tell my job if they can hold it.. or maybe i should try to just find a new one with better hours.

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sum offline Verified User (7 months, 1 week) Long Term User Shouts: 4 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (3 hours, 50 minutes after post)

Well good luck with that then =)

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te_ni offline Verified User (4 months) Long Term User Shouts: 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (1 day, 19 hours after post)

I’ve been where you are. I found that before I got rid of mine I started working on a network of people to help me watch my kids. I enlisted family, friends, church memebers, and I worked on the barter system if they watched the kids for me than i would watch theirs or clean their houses or cook meals. For a while my kids literly went to at least 2 diffrent peoples houses a day so that I could work and go to school and I often found mydelf with a house full of kids on my day off but eventually I got my schedule changed and its better but I linked everyone up and formed a co-op so that we have a whole trust worthy list of baby sitting for barter system. It is hard but people are more willing to help if you are trying willing to contribute and help yourself

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