break ups help: im completely lost, and scared without my ex. - Help.com

im completely lost, and scared without my ex.

we were together for 3 1/2 years when we broke up the first time. he broke up with me over the phone. it was completely unexpected on my side. i never saw it coming. i mean we fought alot, but i never thought it would come to that. after we broke up the first time i was a complete mess, and i didnt want to deal with that feeling anymore, so i went right out and met someone else. i started dating the guy about 3 weeks after the breakup with my ex. i absolutely hated this new guy. but i didnt want to be alone. i made many many mistakes that summer. one being the whole rebound issue, and two being the fact that i had unprotected sex with him.

that whole summer i didnt talk to my ex very much. he tried contacting me and i thought it was him trying to get back with me. so i would blatantly ask him if thats what he was doing, and he would say no everytime. so i would tell him to leave me alone then. after a few months of dating the rebound guy, i ended things (because i finally started talking to my ex more). not long after i broke up with the rebound, me and my ex got back together. things were really rough at first, and alot of old problems still existed after 6 months, and not to mention i was still bitter about the whole break up.

during our time being back together, we found out that i had contracted an std from the rebound guy, and i gave it to my ex. it was tough, but we went to a clinic, got it cleared up, and then just laughed about it afterwards. we helped each other through it, and bonded from it.

i had a major jealousy issue still during the relationship. not like i would invade his privacy, i didnt have to, he would let me know when he was talking to a friend that was a girl. i would still get mad about it though and take it out on him. but after a while i started to realize that it wasnt worth it if it meant losing him again. and slowly that whole issue stopped bothering me..
i got noticeably better about not starting fights, and i could see him getting happier and me as well. things were going great, but fights still happened occasionally, they were different though. we would talk about them and just cool off.

then one night we were watching a movie at his house, and he just seemed unhappy. i made the mistake of bugging him about it, and telling him that i thought he was unhappy. we both started crying and it was hard, and then we broke up. but it was way different then the first time. we both cried about it all night, and talked about it for hours. i agreed that it probably wasnt gonna work right now. that theres still a possibility that we could get back together eventually, just not now. it was the hardest thing in the world to do. we both wanted it to work soo badly. and it hurt him, i could tell.

i still stayed the night at his house and slept next to him like i would any other night. but in the morning i had to leave. we both wanted to stay friends and keep in touch at first. but it turned out being way too hard for me to go into the transformation of ‘just friends’. so i told him that i didnt think i’d be able to talk to him anymore, and that i dont think i could ever just be friends with him. nor did i want to. he understood and was upset a little by it.

i later found out that he was talking to another girl already. but it didnt bother me, like it would’ve last summer. i mean it did a little at first. but i could sense that she was an obvious rebound and he just needed someone to talk to and confide in i suppose. shes no threat to me, because i know what me and him had, and that she wont even come close. that’s how i know i’ve changed substantially and have grown up a lot as well. so things will be completely different if we were to give it another try.

i havent talked to him in almost 3 weeks. it was really hard at first, but i’ve been so busy with moving out and working that i haven’t really had time to dwell on it as much. i still talked about it alot, but i felt really confident that we will work things out, we both just need some time to work out our problems with ourselves.

however, a couple days ago he sent me a message via myspace and asked me if i accidentally cheated on him while we were still together, because he thinks he might have an std again. i told him that i didn’t, and he believed me. but we are going together to both get tested again in a week or so. him talking to me again brought me back to reality with the whole break up again. im back in the same dead feelings that i had 3 weeks ago. mainly i think because of the topic of our conversations since we’ve started talking again. they havent really been good conversations. we don’t fight, but its a pretty negative energy.

i dont know what to do right now. i can tell he’s going through a rough period, and i want to help him and try to be friends still, or atleast keep in contact with eachother. but im scared that i will get hurt from this in the long run. i just cant give up on him. i dont want to abandon him and move on, because it will feel wrong to not love him anymore, or even have him in my life. i just want him back soo badly. even though i know it cant be for a while still, because i know we still need our time apart.

i dont really know what my question is, i guess i just needed some input.

This open post was written 4 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 290, 2, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

break ups, heart break, getting back together (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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