I ended my relationship with my boyfriend 10 days ago, I can’t even begin to explain how dark, empty and lonely I feel.
My ex was absolutely gorgeous, he had the body of a God, very intelligent, 3 years younger than me and I fell in love for the first time at 30 years old. Our relationship was beyond perfect for the first 6 months, then we started fighting constantly, he no longer treated me good he was very controlling, lying about talking to his ex, was very demanding, forgot my birthday, told me he was no longer in love with me, he didn’t have a job etc. I wanted to leave but, was so afraid of how sad I would be without him so I stayed.
The day we broke up we got in a very petty fight over something ridiculous, he didn’t answer his phone so I called 3 times (I was on my way to pick him up and needed to know the exact address) and he said he only had 1 missed call and that I was lying! I told him it was silly and a phone error but, he insisted I was lying about calling three times, called me a ‘b***h’, whore, liar and broke up with me, I started crying, which made him even angrier. He told me to get the F away from him and that he was done. I know he was a jerk and treated me badly and I should be thankful to be out of that relationship but, it hurts so much. I made a long list of bad memories and ways he treated me bad to remind me that I’m better off without him but, the pain is gut wrenching.
I don’t have family or close friends anymore so I don’t know who to turn to. The people that are in my life just say ‘get over it’ ‘keep busy’ ‘you will be fine’ but, I can’t stop crying, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I have been going out and meeting new people etc. but I can’t stop thinking about him. This past weekend he went to the River for the holiday and I found out he slept with someone else and it felt like he ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. I have not had any contact with him but, I constantly look at his myspace or facebook I know it’s the dumbest thing I could do, I don’t know why but, I can’t stop myself, the curiosity kills me and when I finally do look, it only hurts me. He seems fine and happy only 10 days after we ended our 2 year relationship. We even lived together! There has been zero contact no emails, texts, calls it’s just done but, why does it still hurt so bad if I know we were so bad together? I feel like I will never find anyone that I am as attracted to or love as much as him. =( I can’t stop crying.
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