Hello, Its been almost a year since I was last on here and I’m still alive…
guess my survival instinct won over self-destruction…apparently, after 2 mental hospital visits I have something called “Major Depression with suicidal tendencies? go figure! I took medication for a few months but quickly fell back into the same rut and I tried ending my life again atop a mountain I had climbed in SD. Once again I could not win over my own survival instinct so I came back with renewed energy “plus spending time away from the city in the wilderness helped”. I gave up on the medication and started an 8 month long career school which I’m about to finish. Thing is I’m still unsure as to what I really want to do with my life? Since I’m still young, there are many roads I can follow but how do I know which way to go? Whats really important and how can I live my life “Consciously”? What does living consciously mean? I do feel at times like I’m living life automatically so in what way can I change that? I’ve always wondered if truly feeling alive could only be felt when faced with a life or death situation? Is that true? Although I’ve given up on taking medication, this depression still comes and goes? At times I feel like death is a much easier option lol but then again, what a pathetic way to go, I’ve always thought that if I was going to die, it would be fighting or protecting someone, at the very least. Anyways I’m getting off topic, the questions I had were A)How can I truly feel “alive” and B)What kind of natural herbs can I take to help with depression BTW: I’ve been doing heavy weight training for the last two weeks and these next two weeks I’m adding heavy bag boxing sessions. I heard that working out releases “feel good” hormones so I know that training my body is something that I will have to make a habit of without exception if I want to beat my depression with pure willpower alone, but if anyone has any recommendations about some helpful natural herbs or remedies I can also take I’d love to hear them. I take B-complex and a multivitamin also but I wonder if there’s something else for a healthier mood or mental state, plus I’m trying to start a meditation routine, any tips on that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your kind words if any… :-)
Since writing this post Sorcerer1005 may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days. Sorcerer1005 is a verified member, has been around for 5 years, 11 months and has 6 posts and 359 replies to their name.
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