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If I’ve ever been so unsure of living, now is that time…
Let me tell you. Two and a half years ago I met the girl of my dreams. I was so sure of it, the way she made me feel, the way she talked to me, the way she said my name. I thought that she thought the same at the time…So we pretty much were head over heels for eachother. I was never so sure in my life that I finally found the one, we almost had beautiful children..but it wasn’t time. As our relationship progressed, I was falling deeper and deeper into the fantasy…while she all the time was still in reality. Two years of memories. One day she left her phone on the couch, and you know how they say curiousity killed the cat, i looked. The first time I looked in the two years. I trusted her. She always looked through mine, I never really cared, because I knew that I loved her and she was all I needed. Unfortunitely, it wasn’t the same. Apparently, she had been talking and seeing someone for a few months. I knew I should’ve prepared for the worst as I confronted her. I wasn’t violent, or nor did I angrily tell her. I asked her, and she lied to me. I was holding her phone, and she lied. I held it up and showed her those ******* messages, and she started telling me how sorry she was and how she loved me and blah. blah. BLAH. She’s much better looking than me so she easily couldve found another significant other. surprisingly, she broke up with me. not the other way around.
At that moment, I questioned everything in life. Everything. I didn’t believe in God as it was, so I don’t have any reliance on anyone. I gave up my friends for her. I didn’t give her everything, but I gave her what I could. All of my heart, my life. You can easily say to get over her. You can tell me that it’ll be alright. I’m not so sure this time though…right now im staring at a screen writing this. i have been all day, staring…at nothing. time nowadays passes into this empty void that i like to call my soul. Every waking moment in my life, I remember her voice. Her touch, her smell, the warmness of her body. I remember EVERYTHING about her, everything she liked. I was on really good terms with her dad, her whole family. It’s only two years, but two years spent in bliss. it changes you, it sure as hell changed me. ive tried everything to forget her. ive tried a shrink, i found a councilor, my parents, i even tried talking to my distant friends. my brother, anyone i knew. anything that could of potentially helped i tried, except the internet.
now i spend my days doing nothing, trying to make myself feel better. i tried to go out and make new friends. i tried talking to people, i tried doing things, i tried finding hobbies. im even attending classes at a college JUST to get my mind off of things. but reality has never been more cruel to me than now. I NEVER have physically hurt anyone, i always try to be nice to people…why did this happen to me? what did i do to deserve this? you cant just call this life…there has to be a reason. if there is no reason i really dont want to live in a world with such hate. i dont want to feel like this any longer, i still have a remaining ring that i baught for her…i wanted to give it to her. i want to give it to her. i baught it recently…i just want to give it to her..to show that i still love her. and that i always will love her, even in death. help me, please
This open post was written 4 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 218, 5, 6 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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