Alright, I’m going to have a go at this.
I’ve been married for a little over 5 years. The marriage has been up and down as expected but it feels as though there have been more downs than ups. The last 2 years have definately been trying. We tried marriage councelling and it helped for about 6 months and then it slowly got worse than ever. I started feeling myself pulling away about 4 months ago. We would have a fight and I would tell her that something had to change between us or we were doomed for failure. 2 months ago I told her that I had all but given up and I didn’t feel that it was worth fighting with her anymore. One month ago we had a major blow out and SHE said that we were through and I needed to find somewhere to live. I went out of town for work for a week and when I got home I tried to discuss what we were going to do and all of a sudden it was a different story. She said she knew all the things she could/should be doing differently to make things work out together. After a lot of talking on her part, I agreed (against my better judgement) to let her show me how much better things could be. She has been trying very hard to make me happy and do all the things she promised to do to make things work. My problem is that I can’t seem to get back into our relationship. I don’t feel anything for her and I feel guilty for it. Sometimes I feel a glimmer of hope but that usually goes away fairly quickly. I believe that our past has scarred me and that I’ll always be waiting for it to either get better or worse. If it does get better I’ll be wondering how long it will last for. I’m 30 and don’t want to stick it out and then wake up one morning at 40 and realize that I may have missed out on something better while I was stuck here.
Another twist to this is I ran into an old friend while out of town and we had dinner. I had such a great time with her and felt things I hadn’t for a long time…relaxation, stimulating conversation, comfort and a connection. Before you think too much into that, there is no relationship with this “other woman”. We both live very far apart and have very strong morals and I wouldn’t consider talking to her again unless I left my wife. The point I want to make is that it made me realize how much the marriage I’m in doesn’t have. Most times it feels as though we are just two people co-inhabiting a house. I know it seems like a pretty easy solution but now add our 6 year old and my 10 year old step-daughter. The step-daughter, I believe, might be happy if we split as I think she see’s me as the only reason that her parents aren’t together. She is her dad’s girl and we’ve never had a relationship despite constant efforts since she was 4. (I think he has alot to do with it but another story altogether) Our son is my biggest concern. Is it better to break up the family unit or raise kids in a home where there is an unhealthy marriage?
This open post was written 4 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 86, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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