r u getting enough sleep?
Not really , a lot of rest . But I can’t seem to sleep sometimes . I think I try to hard.
I know how you feel - things seem ok for a short time and then catch up and seem bad for a long time - it started as more good than bad - then balanced and now is more bad than good - I should have gone left instead of right at times in my life… The answer is to make a change though I am not strong enough to make that change…. yet!
And I’m at the point where I know that I need to change something , I’m just not sure what . It’s almost as if I feel defeated already , so why bother ? I do know that things will get better , I just wish it would hurry up .
A lot of people right now are in a state of confusion concerning thier lives. Are you in school right now? Finding a hobby is always good. Anything from helping charity to doing something created and constructive. Waiting for things to get better is hard. Even at this point, trying your hardest won’t promise immediate success. Make your life simple again. Find what’s left that you care about most.
School ? Nope I’m 52 years old . At times it seems as if I could record one day , then just play it over and over . I’ve only got about 15 , 20 years of work left in me and nothing to look forward to . The economic downturn pretty much drained any chance of a meager retirement . And if it keeps going this way the social security will be gone .
Do you have family/friends you could talk to?
That’s part of the whole deal , Mom and Dad dead , one sister dead . But a lot still alive .I don’t like to talk about it to anybody . This is Anonymous so it doesn’t count . I visit my brother every saturday, but I leave at exactly 4 . I start feeling anxious. Same at work. It’s great at work, but when I’m done, home and locked in. I’m a happy person, but more and more it feels empty . As I said, I am NOT suicidal !!! I think it’s more boredom on how life just seems to go on and on.
do you have a family of your own? My 10 year old sister told me last night, “I don’t want to die.” and “everyone will die before me, I’m scared”. I had no idea what to tell her partly because it was so random and partly because I’ve felt like you too. I reminded her about Heaven and being reunited with family or reincarnation and such…but I don’t believe in any of that myself.
When I die, I just want to rot in the ground. But for now, I want to work hard for the future so I can get some monopoly paper and do the things I’ve always wanted to do. Sounds like I am materialistic, but I don’t want to buy things objects, I want to buy opportunities, like a plane ticket so I can travel and scream at the top of my lungs on the highest peak in the world. Or just try the variety of foods, learn to do things, help people… I say all that but I can’t really imagine it…
Well, my whole point is, maybe you should break from that cycle and take up traveling, or just doing things you want to. I mean, life, you work hard for it and its a **** waste to not enjoy it, or at least try to. Personally, one of the reasons its boring for me is that I always work for the future, and not the present. Think about it, do you really need all that money so you can sit around when you’re old and withering, spend it NOW.
It’s hard to break a cycle, even a self destructive cycle can become comfortable .
I will be taking a vacation in a couple weeks, Visit my son, That always helps, but then I always come home and it feels worse, makes me realize the dead end my job is . I’ve been working since I was 12, 52 now and I don’t have much of anything.
comfortable…I really hate it, but its true. Beginnings are always the hardest. I can’t really tell you anything else, since I’m marinating in my own little cycle myself. Ever since I was little, I wanted freedom so I tried my best and suppress everything, telling myself it’ll be better in the future. Well, here I am 10 years later, still trapped, inexperienced in practically everything except studying. A few months ago, I was overwhelmed with that feeling of “nothing”, I didn’t trust anybody to tell them how I felt. I guess its a little similar to how you feel sometimes?
I don’t know if this will work for you, but it helped me write an online journal, just me ranting out my feelings, digging up my memories…Most of the time my head feels like I’m floating atop, just watching my life go by. Putting it down helps me tear up my insides, as far as I could, so it will partly stop haunting me. Somehow, I just get passed caring how I will seem to others online, I’ve written things no one will hear out of my mouth…haha, as you can tell here…
hope you will smile today :)
That IS the same way I feel ! And I have started a traditional journal, (on PAPER !)
Hopefully it will help . I feel that if I tell someone, they will think somethings wrong with me\, so I just keep it bottled up .
See, you’re not alone. But…I that feeling is still there regardless, right? I tricked my brain, but blogging, reading and interacting in cyberspace is still half a cup of water…
Keeping things bottles up…do be careful with that. Sometimes it doesn’t just over-flow, but bursts out. I must has looked and sounded like a maniac because one day, one event, one word triggered one whole mess of tears.
I’m probably not the best person to be giving you advices…and the only way I know how to deal with these situation is to tell how I feel…(fat chance of this happening in real life)
In a few weeks, I’m going to the movies with a friend. And this is like after a dozen rejections I gave to my other friends. Strange, but I feel the me right now is embarrassed or not ready. I purposely arranged it 2 weeks from now; I want to change something before I show them myself, because the me on the outside right now is NOT the person I feel, want or think I am…but..
whether it be a few weeks, a couple of months, another year…I still haven’t made the change. Do you feel its just hard to be happy when you’re -fully aware- that you’re…trying to act happy…?
anyways, I hope later when you go visit your son you’ll maybe talk to him about this a little? You might feel like you’ll bother him with a useless matter, but I wouldn’t feel that way if I were in his place.
/(^o^) I promise to keep it short next time.
You don’t have to keep it short. Another feeling that I have is the feeling that feelings aren’t real. I DO feel happy, I DO feel sad, But then I turn around and the feelings of indifference pop up . I don’t feel as if I’m acting happy, I just can’t hang on to the feeling . There is something missing in my life, God ? A wife ? I just don’t know. I’m not real good at relationships. I feel that I’m a “pretty good guy” all the time, but that is just an in the moment. Every time I go to visit my son I plan on talking to him about this, I don’t though. It’s locked tight inside, and he can tell, but he doesn’t ask, and I don’t tell. As you can tell by my writing, I’m not much of a conversational type person. You have fun at the show( I go alone every week to avoid people) I have discovered that I even like Chick flicks!! Again, have fun at the movies.
you don’t know what you’ve just set yourself up for! (but for both our sanity, I’ve deleted 3 hours of blabling) xD
I thought I wasn’t human once because my feelings seem to just expire.
(lol, is it obvious that I’m a female? I really do hate chick flicks, makes me want to rip out my hair or roll on the floor laughing; horror films are much more funnier though.)
about the feelings…do you also mean like “strong” emotions? While others would get excited and jump up and down my feelings expired before I thought to. I was happy, but it never built up or lasted long before “blah” takes over.
The fist time I went on a rollercoaster last year, I didn’t scream. But inside, I was practically having a heart attack.I heard my heart racing, but kind of like through a tunnel. We went during Halloween and “monsters” were scaring pass-byers. I nearly caused bodily harm my while friend was screaming, shoving me in to the wall, or using me as shield. I’m actually scared of the dark, but put me in it for a few minutes and I’ll numb myself to stop feeling it.
The “blah” is probably trying to protect me…but if something tragic or maybe “joyous” happened, I WANT to feel emotions, for the other peoples sake and my sake as well.
If you do go to God, I really do hope you won’t follow the mainstream interpretation of the Bible. However, I think you need a friend, a real friend, maybe she could also be your wife, but someone who you could never in you life say “more like someone I know”…
Find someone to hang out with when you’re not doing anything like work or a hobby. Hanging out with someone helps to set your mind to something else than the general boredom that overcomes you. Try to find someone with the same interest as you. Do you like music? Try to go to some concerts. Do you like reading? Try to go to a library or any reading related conventions. Try to hook up with someone that you can identify with with your hobbies or the things that you like, so you have a common ground. Try to expand the friendship so you see eachother and hang out regularly. If s/he has more friends or if you like the concerts/convetions go more often and meet new people.
I stronly believe that bonding with (new) people will greatly revitalize your life.
Additionally, try to break out of any patterns that bore you. Like you do something at the same day and/or time every week and you just grow tired of it, try to vary the day/time if you can, try to skip it every once in a while.
Do something different, something out of the ordinary. Try new clothes, even if you aren’t a cloth person, or into fashion. Try new types of food, try to go the gym if you don’t already and see if you like that. Try hobbies that you haven’t bothered yet before, or even never considered (there are a lot of great resources on-line to discover new ones).
I hope you’ll feel better soon, because every person in the world that feels like you is one too many.
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