boyfriend help: I have been dating my boyfriend for 1 year now, we live together, and we get along great when it’s just us. - Help.com

I believe you are asking alot from someone when you have only been together a year. He may have talked about marriage with his last Gf because he was with her alot longer. Are you sure you guys didn’t rush into moving in together because you thought things would be better? Moving in together doesn’t always mean he is going to open up. Try talking to him about these things.. Most guys ignore you when they are with your friends. You might need to get over that. I know I did. Your birthday thing was really really rude and you should have said something to him in front of everyone so they know exactly what was going on. I think you need to get over some of these things or the relationship will fail. He is also at fault. You need to let him know how these things bother you and how they make you feel. Talking is the best way to let someone know. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about the future because he is scared. Talk to him!

Then it seems you need to find someone else that can show you what you want because you are apparently not getting it from him. You need to decide if he is worth sacrifice a few little things that shouldn’t be that important in a relationship. if you are trying to make him choose between you and his friend, you will definitely lose.

Very true. that is why you need to tell him that he makes you feel like S**T when he does that… if he cares about you.. he will stop. You don’t need to stop being needy.. just be more understanding. You cant expect him to after one year just know he is going to marry you. You can’t expect him to call HIS children yours.. when you are not their mother.

oh okay.. well maybe he didn’t mean it literal.. Maybe he was just saying something he wants. Maybe he is scared to say our children.. reminding him of growing up. He may like the “dating” scene and not like marriage and stuff.

I am in the same boat with the grow up thing. I have been with the same guy for 4 years now and I am not sure he will ever grow up. I did find out, that if you push it ( asking when you are gonna get married, When you are having kids) it will only scare him off. I learned that one really fast. We are just happy together. We compromise on the things we have to and we just have fun. We love each other dearly and we tell each other every chance we can. We are very open and talk about everything that is bothering us.

Oh believe me we have our problems.. major problems.. We just have figured out a way to get over them and still keep each other happy. I am only 21 and there is no way I want to get married right now. I don’t know what all the rush is about..

Hey girl,

First of all its never cool to feel second best, if you are his girlfriend then you and your feelings should be a priority and a consideration irrespective of how long you have been together..You sound quite mature for you age I would have to wonder if he is? marriage is a big step but in saying that “you just know”, some know after days, weeks months and years, seems like you know exactly what you want and your ideal would be interesting if he has had any?? i would wonder how well you are suited, for me i try to look holistically, is he emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually intune with me, how many of four is he well matched with you???i dont think you are asking for too much seems like you have been upfront and specific, just might be asking too much of him, if he doesnt ascribe to the same values as you do then perhaps finding someone else that does might suit you better in the long run, keep valuing yourself, don’t doubt yourself, you have the absolute right to be heard, respected, loved and cherished, too many people afraid of rushing in to marriage and try to buy attitude, no wonder divorce rates are rife, perhaps the good old days in my nana’s error wasnt so bad, you courted for about a year, got married then made sure it worked. what’s not to know after a year???? and to undermine you to his friends,that’s insult to the wound, its one thing to have a friend to confide in but what he has done to date is undermine. STICK TO YOUR GUNS DO NOT SETTLE FOR LESS, WHAT’S NOT TO KNOW IF YOU ARE READY FOR MARRIAGE AFTER A YEAR??? GOOD LUCK