Cancer help: My mother is dying of cancer and we’re somewhat estranged. - Help.com

My mother is dying of cancer and we’re somewhat estranged.

My father has Alzheimer’s and my sisters want us to share responsibility for him when my mother dies, but I’m afraid of him and always have been- his Alzheimer’s makes that worse and I don’t want him in the house with my family.

My mother has wanted to watch my 3 year old son, but she is in no shape to do so. I let her watch him for a long time, but when the cancer moved to her brain it was clear that she couldn’t remember everything she needed to take care of a 3 year old child so we took him out of her care. She now has just months left and my family thinks I’m being callous by keeping my son from her.

My mother and sisters are angry with me. My mother is especially angry. But it was a matter of safety. She could barely walk, had lost part of her memory due to radiation, and wasn’t feeding my son when he was there. She has guns in the house. We were afraid of what could happen. My father was there too, but he has Alzheimer’s and with guns around that is pretty scary.

My father and I were never close…and in my teen years, I feared him. I think he needs professional care once my mother passes, but I don’t think my sisters agree. But they want us to share care of him in some way. I work long hours and can’t change my schedule without sacrificing my job- so I am unable to commit the time to share care for my father. They want to pull my wife into this, but their own husbands are participating.

I’m very angry at them all for not seeing that my son has been in danger in my mother’s care, and that my father’s Alzheimer’s is too difficult for us to care for him- and will get worse when my mother passes.

I’m trying to keep it together for my own family, but personally I’m a mess and don’t know how to deal with all of this.

Is there any way to salvage the relationship with my sisters but avoid caring for my father? Is there any way to make amends with my mother before she passes? Or am I just going to have to accept that my family will never again be on good terms?

This open post was written 4 months, 4 weeks ago | V/U/S: 156, 0, 1 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

Cancer, alzheimers, child care (How Tags Affect Reciprocity)

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