death help: I think it’s because I’ll never see them again. - Help.com

There is no such thing as penance. The past is the the past. Let go; let live.

Why can’t you?

Use past experiences to better your life in the future. Don’t be down and feel sad. Be strong, mature and responsible. Never make the same mistake twice. Be positive. Be REALISTIC.

Well, generally you feel the way you think. If you think you’re going under, chances are you’re going to end up there a lot quicker than before.

Your mood affects how you think. I know that’s common knowledge, but most people don’t think of it as often as they should.

You cannot live in the past. You cannot live in the future. You can’t change the past, and you cannot predict the future. But what you can alter is the present. You choose to eat a sammich, or you can choose to clap your hands. You can’t go back in the past and choose to do that, and in the future that maye be impossible.

Live in the present. It’s the best kinda life. ~promise

Kl33n3x wrote:
Your mood affects how you think. I know that’s common knowledge, but most people don’t think of it as often as they should.

True. Works the other way round too. How you think affects your mood.

How hard is it to say you’re going to be in a good mood, then, just be in a good mood? You are the only person in control of your emotions and your feelings. If you are not happy with how your life is turning out, do something. If you don’t like the thoughts and emotions in your head, don’t think like that. It sounds so silly and so simple. But it is the most helpful statement I have ever heard. It pulled me back from my darkest days. Just think differently.

Nothing is out of your control. Maybe if you could give me some more details I could help you more?

What exactly has caused you to feel like this? Can you not be more specific with your problems?

Your age could have a huge contribution to how you are feeling.

I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you what happy thought to ‘cling’ to, as you so put it. It is not necessarily the process of ‘thinking happy thoughts’ which will make you feel better, I wouldn’t suggest that as personally it just does not work.

What you should do however, is think, ‘No. I am not going to let my thoughts and emotions get the better of me. I am a strong person and I am fully in control of my emotions. If I do not want to feel this way, then all I need to do is change this feeling. I can fix this. I am content.’

Obviously, if you can tell me what events have occurred to bring you up to this point, then maybe we can come to some form of resolve.

But you must remember, be realistic, be positive.

Fairy Pants wrote:
How hard is it to say you’re going to be in a good mood, then, just be in a good mood?

It can tend to be very difficult, because outside forces can influence your state of mind.

It sounds like you need a soft-reset of your mind. Find things to do which makes you happy, and before you go to sleep meditate on them. Clear your mind of everything, and just think of things that make you smile.

Positivity is the spice fo life. Fairy Pants has good advice. I’d listen to him/her.

Kl33n3x wrote:

Fairy Pants wrote:
How hard is it to say you’re going to be in a good mood, then, just be in a good mood?

It can tend to be very difficult, because outside forces can influence your state of mind.

It sounds like you need a soft-reset of your mind. Find things to do which makes you happy, and before you go to sleep meditate on them. Clear your mind of everything, and just think of things that make you smile.

Positivity is the spice fo life. Fairy Pants has good advice. I’d listen to him/her.

Her. Thanks Kl33n3x.

But I still think I’m correct in saying that you can be in a good mood if so wish it. Yes, outside forces can influence you. However, ultimately, you are the only person controlling your life. Regardless of external issues.

Oh, I never said you couldn’t. I also never verified wether you were correct or incorrect. :)

I just said it isn’t as easy as it is made out to be. It can tend to be very difficult.

Mental fortitude varies among different people. It’s easier for the minority and harder for the majority. It’s a good indicator why depression rates are higher today than in any other time in history.

I agree with what you say completely; just make sure not to sugar coat it too much.^^

The Anonymous. wrote:
Let’s start with the short answer: almost 18.

Y’see, I’m from… a country where everyone has to join the army right after high school. And yet, due to reasons I wish not write, I have received time. A year and a half, or so.
Now, those ‘friends’ of mine, more like collegues since I never bothered caring for them, have all joined. And they get very few days off. And they don’t want to see people of my kind in those days. Not even my cousin, who was my supporting pillar throughout those 3-4 dreadful years, wishes to speak about my problems anymore. He’s got his own (by the way, he is 1 year older, which means he has even less time at home).

It was really hard for me to turn for help here. I’ve never learned how to make friends, much less how to become likeable. Therefore I’ve got nobody. Not quite literally, but nobody whom I could rely on.

But I’m just repeating myself now. Anything else?

Why do you believe that these people have no want to spend time with you? No offence intended, but there must be a reason for people not to want to do so. Are you shy? Could this maybe be misconstrued by people as arrogance or ignorance?

I don’t mean to be stuck on your beginning topic, but I still don’t understand why you feel you are meant to suffer. No one in this world should feel prone to suffering.

T.A. it’s getting late for me now. I’m going for a cigarette and then off to bed as I have to work tomorrow. It seems to me that you struggle to form strong relationships with people. In which case, maybe you need to look at how you approach and speak to people. Do you go out of your way to make conversation to people? Do you smile and ask people how they are? I appreciate that maybe this is not your ’style’ per se. But in order to form friendships, you need to allow people to see the real you. To see the real you, people need to have the opportunity to get to know you. To get to know you, you need to open up. If people have already formed strong bonds, they are not necessarily going to be in the same position as you where by they do not have anyone they can turn to and are therefore looking to form a close friendship. In a sense, you need to force yourself upon folks. Make yourself seen and heard. You need to go out of your way to forge friendships.

I know this because two years ago I had no one. No one other than my Mom and my dog. I forged friendships eventually. By changing how I act with people, by becoming more self confident.

I’m sure that you can do the same.

Tomorrow, I will be back online. Hope to speak to you then.

[quote The Anonymous
I can’t help but suffer just like I can’t help by thinking how well I messed up my life.[/quote]

Sure you can. Fairy Pants and I have discussed that you can.

The remorse of what?

And also, nothing can truly be normal. There’s nothing to base it off of. Normality is just what society really deems it as. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with being just normal.

I also take offense that men are mentally immune. (Just joking.)

I’ve still not got myself off to bed.

T.A. you seem to me as a very intelligent person, someone who I could get on with quite easily. You need to remove the mindset that no one could get on with you, because, trust me, there will always be someone who will understand you. Not just understand you, but also think and feel that same way you do. A kindred spirit so to speak. However, in order to meet these people, you need to open up and get to know them. They could be right under your nose. How will you ever know the real person if you never give them the opportunity to know you and likewise, let you know them.

I know that the way I’m putting this makes it seem oh so too simple. But it really is simple. Life is complicated, and so is knowing how to get around the troubles of it. But once you lay it out step by step, overcoming issued like yours is the easy. You cannot give up. What is it about you that you feel they would not like you?

I’ve never met a single person who never had the possibility of obtaining a least one friend. If you think of all societal dynamics, every group I can think can be placed in a category.

The world is such a vast place. In your city or your state you may fail to make friends. But, what about the other millions of people? That’s generally want internet chat rooms and things are for.

I am curious what the “real me” is. What characteristics does it hold?

I think Shakespeare was the one who said something to the affect of “Life is just a stage and we’re all actors.” Well, that is kind of true. But, even actors take their masks and facades off.

You’re nearly 18. You haven’t had near as much experiences to warrant a giving up.

Stick in there bud. It’ll all be just fine.

Kl33n3x is right. You certainly can’t give up at this early stage in your life. Right now, you are in a situation that, fair enough, you have no control over. If you cannot ‘connect’ with the people who you have been thrown together with, then (no offence) it is of your own doing. If you are unhappy with not being able to communicate or bond with these people, then do something about it. You can’t expect everything to just come to you. Life does not work that way. So, I suppose, you have one of two choices. 1) Deal with the misery that you are feeling now and just live life the way you are now. Unable to connect with those who you are with and wait until the time comes when you can CHOOSE the people who you spend time with. Trust me, there will be people out there who you will get on with. Or, 2) Make an effort! Get yourself out there and try to make friends, regardless of whether they understand you or not. Because, in life, you need to adapt who you are and how you deal with people to live comfortably.

You are NEVER going to have that ‘connection’ with everyone. You will even find situations where you get on with NOONE who you spend your daily life with. I’ve been there myself. And you know what I did? I either adapted how I acted, or I got myself out of that situation. I did this for my own sanity.

Now, are you going to act? Or are you going to do nothing and be miserable?

Sorry if this is a bit blunt. But I have been thinking of you today and the above is my conclusion.

No, there is no PM function on here. However, I have added you to my friends list, and have the ability to grant you access to my email address. I will do so and then you can view it on my profile. I’ll do it now for you.

Le me know when you have my email address, send me an email and if you have msn I will give you that address too and we can chat on there. I’m going to be afk for a while, while I smoke.

I’m back now. No email as yet. I’m going to bed soon, have a riveting book to read! :)