i am tried of being in this relationship and need to get out - Help.com

well, have bf with kids will not easy but if u two love each other theres always ways out to be together.

i have been in it for 24 years
it seem like it i am here to take care of his kids and grand kids i have raised his kids and helped him get his business going his home set up cook his food and everyone gets to go you out to eat get new clothes go on trips on and on put i have to stay home and take it i need medicinal help i need surg my teeth are falling out i look bad and feel hopeless please tell me how to gt out no money and no were to go

well its nice to know that he is good with children and all but if you want out, get out, dont think yourself selfish but remember that before you there was those kids.

I insist you give it a chance though before you get out or anything you should talk to him. talk about a night or day without the kids so it can just be the two of you, hes just focused on trying to be a good dad, hes not trying to neglect your feelings even though he is. You do need to talk to him, but dont be angry with the children, things may be hard to talk about because you dont want to seem like you hate his kids which i doubt you do.

He also could be trying to show you how good he is with kids and that hed one day make a great husband.

no it looks like he is just about his kids there needs there wants
his kids are 28 26 and live across the street from us every time i get a job he makes it so heard on me i am a slave in his home

well now! they are adults! I was assuming that they where young, okay definitely, i know it hurts but either talk to him about how you are feeling, and if he fixes his mistakes or realizes what hes done to you and changes than that works for the best hopefully, but if you dont want to talk or talking didnt work you need to leave. There is no scene in being with a man that treats you like that if thats how you feel. I agree with gav200, everyone deserves to be happy.

As for the no money think to yourself, “where is the money i make going if its not going to my bank/pocket?” if its not for you or him but for those kids than stop letting that happen, they are old enough to take care of themselves.

As for no place to go, Do you have any relatives? how about near by or not too far away? call them up and see if they can take you. Once you make the decision to get out and away from this man you cant turn around and go back to him if he begs you to stay, if you give him a second chance he had better straiten up and if he doesn’t you need to high tail it out of there and dont look back, youre his loss. Also, a relieving conversation is amazing, trust me.Talk to your friends, plan a girls night out, even ones that arnt that expensive are well worth it.

see i see what you are saying but how do you get out ?????????
we have land and his business i want my shear i worked and done with out just as much as he has oops evermore

are there any days that you are home when he isnt? Stop cooking for him and make him cook for himself, he shouldnt get mad at you when you need a break sometimes too!
For your share you may think “just take your share” but dont,well, i dont know if it would work but court could be an option. i dont know how court works but you could take him and sue for your share of whatever but you have to have proof that you helped and its your share. if you bought things, they are yours, not his, yours, find those receipts or just take the things that are yours.

he sits at the table wanting his supper the only thing missing is his knife and fork
he believe that it is all his and he did it all by his self

Get a good job, get your own house, and GET OUT!!!!!!!

thank easier said then done

do you have proof of things being yours? well lets switch it around a bit, do you love him? truely do you? and does he truely love you? first before you make any sort of move you need to talk to him asking him or casually saying “it be nice if you____,(took out the trash, cook for me, give me a massage etc) because i feel ______ (so tired, uneasy, stressed becacause ___ etc)”

now then if he doesnt respond im not saying leave all at once, if you can i recommend the book “men are from mars, women are from venus” its a really helpful couples book for relationships that seem to be getting nowhere or are fallin utterly apart.

he believes that a woman has her place and shut the —- up
i need to get out but do not know how my family lives so far away and really they can not help i am lost and scared

No i know that.. obviously, if it was easy, you wouldnt be on help.com asking how to get out… Nothing worth having is easy.

Put him in his place, or get yourself out of his place… take control of yourself and your life and show him who’s the boss of you… God i hate men like that… theres no reason you should have to deal with this… even if it takes you a year … two years who knows.. start saving up.. start looking for places… try to move up the ladder in your workplace… go to school get certified for something… ANYTHING… do whatever it takes and then one day… when he’s waiting for dinner.. walk in and say sorry im not doing it anymore. Good bye.. take the money you saved, the belongings you’ve collected and leave.. start a new life where you can take care of YOURSELF and not him…

and if you absoloutly can not leave… TRAIN him.. you’ve got to stand up for yourself baby! and NEVER let a man touch you out of anger… you are a grown woman.. and he depends on YOU… you hold the reins not him.

thanks for all your input but i am at my last line and i am really scared my hands are always shacking and i just do not know were to go and what to do i have no kids so there is no help for me out there i do not know what to do were to go

well for now just relax, draw a hot bath, drink some hot tea, meditate.. clear you mind… you cant see the solution to your problem if your mind is clouded and you are freaking out.. there IS a way out of this….

LOL thanks

I know its hard to calm down when your upset and worrying about things… but you have to try.. for your own sake.. Love yourself! and don’t be ashamed of it.

Go get your nails done or do your hair… dress up in some clothes you feel good in… pamper yourself.. and do some self help/relationship reading…. theres ALOT of helpful information out there… millions of women in your same situation who found a way out, or found a way to repair their relationship…

and i hope this dosent anger you but maybe he’s disrespecting you because you disrespect yourself… if someone respects themselves people usually wont try to disrespect them.. and if they do, they realize it dosent work… you need to set some boundaries and make sure its clear to him that you are not there to be his personal slave… women dont mind taking care of their men… but when a man starts to expect it.. starts to think its your job and his right to be waited on.. thats not just a problem on his part but also the womans.. she’s let him think that way… she’s allowed him to take something she once had pride in and make her hate it..

don’t let him do this… stop doing things for him until he understands that you do it because you want to not because he requires it.

thank you
no one has ever said that before and it so fit the spot (round hole square peg) you know that is it i use to be so independent and strong put there really is nothing left but a shell i think i am going to start to look at it in a hole new way
thanks so much i am glad i came here man you hit it

i hope things work out and I hope you can start feeling like the strong beautiful woman, deserving of praise and respect that you are.