friends help: I have a question on what i should do, Here is the story. - Help.com

how old r u?

yes. your age.

I think that it depends on how old you are. So may we please know of you age? Or at least give us an age range if you feel uncomfortable.

well i am going to be 21 in 2 months

At this point they will have to live with your decisions even if they r not the best. Might as well be honest.

Then I think that you tell them that your friend has had her bf over for the last 2 weeks, felt that the situation was to uncomfortable for you so you left to your other friends house. I think that at your age you should tell your parents the truth. I have old fashion parents as you do.

Your adding one lie on top of another. Maybe you should go to your mom first, and explain to her what has been going on. Hopefully she is open enough to understand and guide you in the right direction before you end up pregnant.

Being truthful is better in the end. Then you don’t have to create lies to cover your other lies.

but what i am scared of is them grounding me or making it so i cant see my boyfriend, also maybe even kickin me out of there house.

I think, but this is just me, I’m a just a devil’s advocate, they will ask you to move out and be on your own since you are acting like an independent adult. Their house their rules.

Oh, you’re 21? Well, ummmmm I guess you’re old enough to make your own decisions. Why don’t you move in together. Is that taboo in your family?

That’s true littlenick. But you are legally considered an adult, maybe it’s time for you to move out. They still ground you even at the legal age to drink?

well lets see my parents pay for school and they pay for a lot and we both still live at home and we dont have the money to move out.

Maybe this is the boost you needed in order to move out. Then your parents are just worried about you, what would’ve happened if something would’ve happened to you, or a family emergency were to occur? How would they know where you were. I think that they shouldn’t expect to know where you are at ‘all’ times since you are 21. =]

So you want to act like a rebel and not face the consequences?

If you are afraid of your parents still grounding you or even kicking you out of the house, the means that you still some sort of reverance and respect for them. If you are old enough to move out and can actually afford it, I would put that on the table for them to consider. Even if they don’t agree, you are legally an adult and can do pretty much what you want. However, as long as you live in their house, you have to respect it and treat it as such. Don’t flaunt your adulthood to them, otherwise it might backfire and you might end up on the street with nowhere to go or anybody to call for help. Nice and respectful goes a long way and even further than a nasty and in-your-face attitude.

Oh. Okay. Then since they are being so generous as to pay for your living expenses then, you should talk about rules. Do you have a job?

well lets see i have a cell phone that they can call me at, and worst of all my friend knows to tell my parents when ever she see’s them that i stay at her house

Well that’s good. At least you can trust your friends.

yes i have a job and so does the boyfriend but we cant afford to live on are own

so now here is the big question do i tell them or still hide it from them.

come clean and let the chips fall where they may and good luck!

Why are you scared of your parents when you are 20? On the other hand, if they are gullible enough to believe you just lived with a friend for a year and they never visited maybe they can’t handle the truth or already know it. My money is on the second part of that last sentence…

see that is what i have said that they have known all along and just might want to hear it from me before they say anything

Yeah just tell them you have separate rooms… it’s what they need to hear. You’re their baby girl.

If they’ve known all along (parents know more about us then we think they do) & they haven’t stopped you then they can’t be that furious. But you need to get it off of your mind. Maybe they kept trying to convince themselves that you are telling them the truth, & they finally have given up. The question is how do ‘you’ wish to tell them. You’re 21 & need to act that age, so you can. I’m not trying to be rude AT ALL. Tell them that you 2 are very compatible & that you sometimes visit him as well. =]

yea but do i bring it up when he is around or should i tell them on my own, and should i tell one parent at a time or together

L.J wrote:
If they’ve known all along (parents know more about us then we think they do) & they haven’t stopped you then they can’t be that furious. But you need to get it off of your mind. Maybe they kept trying to convince themselves that you are telling them the truth, & they finally have given up. The question is how do ‘you’ wish to tell them. You’re 21 & need to act that age, so you can. I’m not trying to be rude AT ALL. Tell them that you 2 are very compatible & that you sometimes visit him as well. =]

This is all so true. Take this advise and run with it, Jen.

i am just so scared that is why i dont know if i am going to be able to.

Jen4ever7 wrote:
yea but do i bring it up when he is around or should i tell them on my own, and should i tell one parent at a time or together

Without him there. You don’t want your dad to kill him. :)

So Jen (if I may call you that), let’s all vote & see how it turns out.

A-Jen tells her parents directly

B-Jen waits until they ask her

And then write whether she should tell them one at a time or both.

I vote - A, & that she should tell them one at a time. Then they can’t gang up on her & if there’s yelling there won’t be so much of it at the same time.

my dad isnt the one i am worried about at all

It’s her crazy Mother probably!

yes she is the one that wishes i was not even with him

Jen4ever7 wrote:
yes she is the one that wishes i was not even with him

So, your mother met him, yes?

Is anyone going to vote or what?

I vote A- Jen tells her parents directly.

Cool. So two A’s & no B’s yet. I didn’t mean to reply anonymously I don’t know why I did that. LOL.

L.J wrote:
Cool. So two A’s & no B’s yet. I didn’t mean to reply anonymously I don’t know why I did that. LOL.

Was that you? I would have never guessed. lol

Oh be quite!!! it wasn’t intentional! lol. for real.

Okay so there’s three A’s! The vote is unanimous! The winner is……. A!

A

So there’s four A’s, so far. This is way better than the other way.

alright well i guess everyone agrees pray it goes good

We’ll pray. So when are you going to tell them?

I vote D for ralphael’s response… tell each parent independantly WITHOUT your boyfriend around. Tell dad first and ask him to work on mom for you.

That’s a good idea, but I bet the Mom wears the pants so he probably doesn’t want to have to tell her. Yeah, you don’t want the bf around! Especially since they don’t know that you have one!

they know i have a boyfriend he is over all the time whenever he is not working

OH! Well then in that case they ARE BOUND TO KNOW! Maybe they are hoping that youguys are going to be together for forever. I know that, that if I were in that situation I would be able to guess what was happening immediately. What’s worse is that you’ve let it go on for this ling without telling your parents. In your family is it wrong to do what you were doing? Like are they not only old-fashioned but religious?

were not religious to much at all just they are old fashion

holy crap…youre almost 21 and you still need your parents permission to do things?

be honest…….

tell them truth, if u live wid bf then tell them….u must have thought earlir…..

Seriously, just stop lying to your parents. When I was living with my mother as a teen I too also thought that lying to my her was better than telling the truth but as I got older began to realize that it was a terrible way to continue my relationship with my mother. My father was never involved in our lives so she was all we had. The bottom line is, if you want your freedom to do what you want, when you want then you should be responsible enough to financially support yourself. Your parent(s) pay the bills and pretty much take care of your needs.

Now days, parents have a reason to get mad over a lot of stuff regarding their kids. Pregnancy, drugs and illegal activities would be high on the list and a lot of kids now days do not think about the repercussions and usually expect the parents to bail them out of what ever trouble they may be in. Again, if you want to do as you like then you should get a job and move into your own place and this way you don’t have to lie to your parents. Bottom line, until you can do that you should be living by their rules.

As with many other whom have posted, I too am surprised that you are about to be 21 and have the need to lie to your parents and why you aren’t out on your own. Now, if you’re going to school, I would say that even though you are going to be 21, you still owe it to your parents to be honest with them since they are still taking care of you or at least keeping a roof over your head when ever you decide to be there. Otherwise, why aren’t you just living with your boyfriend instead of lying about it at your age.

I think if we had more honesty we’d have a much better society to live in but unfortunately their is too much deceit and it gets tough to even trust family. You’re an adult so you ultimately decide what it is you want to do and how to treat others, but make sure you try on the other shoes and see how things feel on the other end. Just an opinion. Good luck with what lays ahead for you.

Your at the age when you should have some freedom. Lieing to them was not the smartest idea, but now you have to live with it. You should just be honest with them, they’ll eventually find out anyway. Why not now.

your whole situation is just stupid.
you sound like you’re ******* sixteen years old and cant make decions worth crap!
YOU ARE AN ADULT
but you’re probably lying about THAT too and really are sixteen.

and as for the advice part
just stop lying

You are 21, if you’re not in college and you want to live by different moral standards then your parents, you need to support yourself and get your own place. If they are supporting you and you are living under their roof then you owe it to them to show them respect and live according to their moral standards. Be honest and be willing to change your ways if you want to stay.

Hey we are close in age. you are legally an adult now. If they ask, tell them but you should be bale to do what you like. I mean, they can shove you out of the house but just because you choose to sleep at a guys house does not mean that they should.

I feel that if they ask, tell themy ou are going to be sleeping out and if they ask at who’s house, then tell them. You are an adult hun.

I would just tell them and get it over with. You are a legal adult and able to make your own decisions.

Dont Lie ..Tell them…

I dont see why people are being mean and saying she sounds young or she needs to move out. college is expensive even if they are helping out im betting she works to pay for her education too and cannot afford to move out. And you can be just as scared of your parents at 21 than at 15 because at fifteen they take away your cell phone and learners permit when you defy them. At 21 they can take away your education and your home… all that said i agree with everyone you should tell them

I don’t think they’re trying to be mean, but sometimes you have to get tough for people to listen to what you are saying. Predatorkicks words of advice about being a legal adult and having the ability to make her own decisions is right, but, she is still living under the roof of her parents so she doesn’t have all the freedoms she wants. When you choose to let someone help you financially or give you a place to stay, you have to, within reason abide by their rules of the home or you need to move out, take care of yourself and then you can do what ever you want. Sounds a little harsh maybe, but at 21, if you want your freedom then you have to learn to take responsibility for yourself and not be dependent on others. Freedom is about you having the ability to take care of yourself and then you can make your own choices. If I had a daughter who was lying to me and she was living under my roof, she would have to find a place to live because I won’t have anyone living with me who is deceitful. I understand that times are tough and the cost of living isn’t cheap, but, how many millions of people are out there right now taking care of themselves because they don’t have a choice or anyone to lean on. Life is tough and to survive you have to do what ever it takes to make a livable one which means being responsible for yourself. This is when you can choose to do what ever you want. It doesn’t matter if she’s 15 or 50, if she lives with her parents she has to respect their rules and I’m sure one day, if not already, when she has a child and he/she happens to go through the same experience, her rules to the child would have to be followed. Its so easy when you’re on the receiving end, but when you’re the parent everything changes. Your parents have earned the right to have you be honest with them especially since at 21 you are still living with them. A lot of people from my generation moved out way before that and many of us survived. Freedom is not “Free”, it is something you earn. It is part of becoming an adult and learning the responsibilities that come with that.

I know I wasn’t saying she should lie she totally needs to come clean. i meant the people saying that her situation is stupid and she is probably sixteen because she can’t make decisions worth crap. i’m just saying just because your older you can still have the same problems with your parents especially when there is something like a college education hanging over your head.

If you have to hide something it’s because you are ashamed of the real truth.
Lies continued now generally bite you on the asss later;)
If divorce is at 50%, how do you think relationships made with deceit and lies fare?
There is a valid reason that the old fashion process was invented in the first place.
Your parents have the foresight you can’t have:)

Honey you are 21 and its about time they realised that you are an adult, so just tell them the truth and let them deal with it

Hey after you turn 18, you can always rationalise lies by saying that you’re just trying to protect your privacy. Rest just depends on what kind of a relationship you want with your parents… happy humpin’ :))

Just do what I’ve been telling you what to do all along! There are so many ways that it has been said here that it shouldn’t be needed for anyone else to say it again. Be truthful. What successful relation-ship has been built on lies? None. That was a rhetorical question. =] So do the right thing. I know how it is to say something to your parents, & in the end eventually they WILL forgive & forget!

L.J wrote:
Just do what I’ve been telling you what to do all along! There are so many ways that it has been said here that it shouldn’t be needed for anyone else to say it again. Be truthful. What successful relation-ship has been built on lies? None. That was a rhetorical question. =] So do the right thing. I know how it is to say something to your parents, & in the end eventually they WILL forgive & forget!

I agree on this. Just be truthful. they are your parents. It will come out eventually so why wait?!

And again…yes!!! YOU ARE AN ADULT LEGALLY!!! WHAT CAN THEY DO TO YOU?????
Ground you??? hahaha No.

Anonymous wrote:
I know I wasn’t saying she should lie she totally needs to come clean. i meant the people saying that her situation is stupid and she is probably sixteen because she can’t make decisions worth crap. i’m just saying just because your older you can still have the same problems with your parents especially when there is something like a college education hanging over your head.

How do you know she’s 16? For all we know you could be an internet predator (no pun intended) trying to lure the people on this website to your trap.

Gee predatorkick, now you’re really going off on a tangent. Bring your head back to the topic. As far as what else they can do, keep in mind, it is their home and although they probably couldn’t really get away with grounding her, they could ask her to leave or if they are helping her financially, could tell her that she is now on her own in that respect. The point is, it is their roof you are living under so the least you can do is be honest with them and see how they respond. If it doesn’t go as you would hope, then you have to make a decision as to what your next action will be. That’s part of being an adult and the point of this whole thing. Show your parents a little respect for what they are doing for you and try and be honest with them. Its obviously bothering you if you feel the need to ask others for advice about this subject.

We don’t have all the information so we are left to make assumptions about your circumstances but it seems that you are either not working or not making enough, and/or in school or not. All these things would give different advice but it would be easier just to guess that you are neither working or going to school. If that be the case, I would also guess that you are probably getting money here and there from your parents as well which allows you to go out and get gas, hang out with friends etc. The easiest way to deal with the whole situation is to go out and get a job so you can become an independent adult. This way, you have no one to answer to. Also, do your parents even know your boyfriend. I ask this because I wonder why you would have a need to hide him from them anyway. There are a lot of variables here which create a lot of different answers as well as allows the mind to wander and come up with what we think is going on. Point is, be honest with them or become an adult and live independently. I know its tough out there right now, but thats nothing more than an excuse. There are millions of people out there struggling to survive, but they are surviving. That’s what being a responsible adult is about. Good luck in what ever choices you make.