I am trying to forgive my husband for lying to me….

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I am trying to forgive my husband for lying to me…

I have been married for 2 years and we have a beautiful daughter together. My husband is everything you would want him to be, loving, caring, and a great Father. Recently however, I found out he has been lying to me for the whole of our marriage. It all boils down to money. I am the higher earner, and we have a modest 3 bed house, which we both contribute towards. I have always been careful with money because I know how easy it can be to slip into debt.
My husband didn’t tell me that he has old debts, even though I had asked him on several occasions, so that we could make sure we knew where we were financially. It was only recently, when a house came up for sale that we were interested in, and he realised his finances would be scrutinised, that he broke and told me he was £17k in debt. I was hearbroken because he lied, but managed to be practical, applied for a 0% credit card and moved all the bad debt to it. I have a savings plan and if we are careful, we should be half way to clearing the debt in 6 months.

I am trying to forgive hiom for what he has done, but he keeps making comments about how he can’t eat the cheapest bread, or how he has been invited out at the weekend with his friends, and he doesn’t see why he shouldn’t go as he will only spend £15. I just can’t help but think that he has got himself into debt, I am getting him out of it, and he doesn’t really care or take it seriously.

I value my marriage but at the same time, don’t want to ba taken advantage of.

This open post was written 4 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 460, 6, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Anonymous #
4 months, 2 weeks ago (7 minutes after post)

I’m sorry, but your husband is acting childish if he would rather complain and spend money than act a bit frugal with his money. Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? Bring it up politely with it. You seem like a wonderful woman; if you don’t want to be taken advantage of, you have to communicate more.

Left 5 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 2 weeks ago (1 hour, 16 minutes after post)

Try telling him that making sacrifices and buckleing down for a while is what adults do. If any one should be getting pampered it should be you for taking on this pathetic situation. And next time he puts your trust in jeopardy he will not get off so lightly.

darkdestroyer8 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 2 weeks ago (4 hours, 47 minutes after post)

From being at uni and then working almost full time at a supermarket putting in crazy hours (6am - 11pm for 5-7 days a week for 4 years) i can say i spent quite a few hard years swimming in my overdraft! I graduated and found a job i like and went from -£4000 to +£50,000 (and that’s not including the purchase of a car + flat + clearing my student loans) all by myself in 3 1/2 years.

The truth is that NOT having money for so long has driven me to never be in that situation again! The question how did he get into debt? Did circumstances outwith his control lead to the situation? Did his ex partner take him to the cleaners? Or did he just live a champagne lifestyle on shandy wages.

I feel for you, id hate to start from ground zero again… it takes determination and a lot of sacrifices to save up! You both have to read off the same page though, you cant have you saving and him spending… that will leave you wanting to choke him in his sleep ^_^

He’s probably thinking its easier for you to save because you earn more, but if you can save £10 from £100 income, you’ll never be able to save £1000 from £10,000 income. Its all about attitude… make sure he knows that this isn’t a hand out on your part, its a hand up to help him get to his feet. Good Luck, you can go from skint to loaded - it just takes the right mind set.

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Kia99 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months, 1 week ago (1 week, 4 days after post)

Thank you all for your replies. I have talked to him some more, and he has realised how stupid his comments have been. He tries to take the seriousness of a situation away by making light of it, but this doesn’t work for me right now.

He is trying and I really want to just forgive him but every now and again, a comment, or even a memory of us spending money on stupid things when all along he knew about his debt, makes me angry, and kind of heart broken.

I suppose it will just take time

Irishgal #
An Unknown Location | 2 months ago (2 months, 2 weeks after post)

I just found out last night that my husbands mother gave us 25k a year ago. I never touched it cause i didnt think it was mine. But my husband who has also be unemployed for the last year and been dipping into and we’re now left with nothing. Hes been telling me hes been looking for work and he gets the odd bit of work here and there but hes been just spending ‘our’ money which I didnt know about. Im gutted we’re only 4 weeks married and now Im faced with this. I dont trust him anymore - it sickens me. We were meant to be moving to canada in june 10 so we were gonig thru our finances and seeing how much we could save till then. We cant save anything cause we still ahve bills from the wedding. Hes distroyed everything - I dont know what to think or how to feel anymore….

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tleemoo #
An Unknown Location | 1 month, 2 weeks ago (2 months, 4 weeks after post)

if your husband can not respect your feelings or see how his lies have cost so much then I am sorry but I don’t care how much you love him~kick him to the curb! If he can not man up and do EVERYTHING and anything he needs to do to rebuild your trust then he will never change. My first husband lied all the time too~Everyone thought we were “ken and barbie”. But to this day is is selfish and alone~everyone else got tired of his lies~ You can forgive but he needs to take responsibility for his actions and he is not about to. He is a selfish pig.

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