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Okay, so I have a boyfriend.
Yet, the other day I ran into a guy I used to go to school with. We were really close back then and I had the biggest thing for him; I’m pretty sure he felt the same way, but we never talked about it. He was so funny and smart and outgoing, but pretty much a player. It always felt like he was about to break my heart so I never put any of my feelings out there. I’d seen what he could do to other girls. And either way I liked being the friend. The girl he went to for advice. I felt more important than the girls he liked. Like I was in on this special bond that they weren’t. Like we had a club that no one else was aloud in. It felt special. But right then, when I saw him, he looked so cute and grown up! Just talking to him put me back where I was 2 and a half years ago. The thing is, it WAS 2 and a half years ago and my life is SO different now. I have different friends, a new school, new boyfriend. We got to talking and I felt sooo relieved. Like I’d gotten a piece of my old life back, and not just a piece, the best part! I started acting all flirty like I always did with him, (and he was the same way, it was just how we were to eachother) but when he found out I had a boyfriend his mood completely shot. It went from being just like old times to him completely shutting me out. It was so unlike him, he’d never done that before. Even when we were friends, I’d had boyfriends and he didn’t seem to mind. It was bizzare. It seemed like I was betraying him or something? Anyway, I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why he’s ignoring me or how the simple fact I have a boyfriend could change his mind so quickly?! Is he jealous? He doesn’t have the right to be after not seeing me for so long! Does he like me now? I feel like I got his hopes up and by telling him about the B-word it just brought them down. The hopes of the last person I would ever want to bring down at the worst possible timing. Here I am, yearning for a sign, any sign, that some piece of normalcy is left in my bitter chaotic life, and I feel like I shattered it. All I want is my Matty back, but I want them BOTH in my life. Old and new. Soooooo, my question is, what’s going on in his mind and more importantly, how do I change it NOW? Is there anyway to have your boyfriendcake and eat Matt too?
This open post was written 4 months ago | V/U/S: 133, 2, 3 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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