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Please help me I am miserable and cannot manage to change
Hi all, thanks for reading this. I am seeking advice in desperation as I am very unhappy and have been for some time. I am also pretty unhealthy and have had a weight problem for most of my life. I am now 22 yrs old, female, about 5′8′’ and weigh around 16.75 stones or 235 pounds, so I am obese. I have suffered from recurring depression since I was 17 and have had several treatments for it - counselling, GP visits, pills/medication and psychology, including cognitive behavioural therapy, but nothing has really helped me overcome it. My life has really fallen apart over these years. I used to be happy, cheerful, people-loving and very active. I played a racket sport internationally and was at university. Both of which I ended up dropped out of due to these problems I’ve had. I now cannot get a job and have few prospects beyond menial work like cleaning, which I know would be misery for me if I really had to do that long term. I have no money, still live at home and am completely dependent on my parents for my basic needs, which I don’t like but feel trapped in.
I am caught in a viscious cycle of poor mental health, poor physical health, social isolation and lacking confidence, which makes it extremely difficult to break the destructive spiral at any point/in any area. For a long time I have been desperate to change but I cannot seem to sort myself out on my own. Close friends and family have tried to help but are now at a loss and things are getting increasingly tense the longer it goes on/I’m in this state. My thoughts are constantly negative, all my motivation has gone and I can’t raise my willpower or self-discipline off the ground no matter how hard I try. Time and time again I will come up with a plan or goal for the near future but within a day usually I have gotten low again or lost the will and another attempt has failed. So I never get anywhere. As far as what I want to do in life, I have ideas of becoming an activist (although that would have to be on a voluntary basis) and possibly working with disadvantaged and troubled youths for a job. But I keep going round in circles with that side of life too. It’s also becoming harder and harder to get second chances at things because I have thrown away some good opportunities and my CV doesn’t look great after the few gaps and drop-outs.
I really am my own worst enemy and I do wonder sometimes if I will ever really be happy. Or be able to have a ‘normal’ life again, as I have fallen so far behind/out of step with my peers I now feel like a bit of an outcast. I know full well I just need to ‘do it’ - lose weight, get back into the world, move out, train to do something/for a career etc etc, but when it comes to it I can’t seem to get in control of myself or lift myself enough to ever manage it. How do I finally change? How do I overcome myself?
Please help me if you have any suggestions what so ever. I couldn’t thank you enough. Peace.
This open post was written 3 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 247, 5, 4 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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