Queen of Lost Vampyr edited this post 3 years, 9 months ago. Read the previous text »
Hey everyone, I have a bit of an issue going on, and I’d like to hear what you guys think of this situation.
Soo…it’s about who I thought was my best friend…and my other friend (who I met while I was in a different country).
So…to start at the beginning, I was already angry at my best friend anyway. She constantly harrassed me about my eating habits, refused food when she complained she was hungry, kept putting herself down, ditching me to go hang out with her other friends (who she neglected to say were “other” friends, which isn’t big, but still.) She also got crushes on all the guy friends I introduced her to INCLUDING the ones I liked. Actually, I don’t even believe she liked them, only the feeling of being liked, she can be quite an attention seeker. So I’d forgiven all that..
This other friend is a guy…I used to have a crush on him (my other friend knows that)… and he’s a great friend, really.
Then I find out that apart from talking to my other friend on msn..I gave him her msn because he wanted to try and figure out why I was so upset… she’d gotten a crush on him..and he got a crush on her.. even though they’ve never met.
So I get all jealous and upset (Understandably I think)…and she realises I’m upset…but all she tells me is I can’t stop her talking to him and it’s really none of my business and I can’t stop her .. whereas he reacts by saying if I really want them to stop talking so we can be friends, he will (not that I planned to make them stop talking to eachother, honestly.)
So my problem is… am I upset over nothing? She seems to think I am.. He thinks even though she completely broke my trust and really hurt me repeatedly, I should forgive her.. But I don’t know how I could ever trust her again.
It’s understandable for you to be jealous and upset, but I don’t think she really broke your trust by getting a crush on this guy…not yet at least. She couldn’t help it that your guy friend developed a crush on her, and although she has a past with getting lots of crushes on guys even if the feeling isn’t real (meaning, liking them for liking her), you can’t blame her for something that happens naturally. At least you know that your guy friend has your best interest at heart, so you shouldn’t be too upset, I’d say be grateful that your friend didn’t act on her feelings, and that you know this guy is a true, good friend if he’s willing to end a potential relationship for you. Sit your friend (the girl one) down and tell her how much it bugs you that the two of them have crushes on eachother. If she’s a true friend she’ll stop talking to him. Although, you say you USED to have a crush on him, so why does it still bother you?
I did sit her down and tell her… that’s when she said she’d talk to him no matter what.. that’s what hurt…she always said how much she cared about me, but when I explained to her how uncomfortable I felt with it, she just said it didn’t matter.
I’m really glad he said that, even though it wasn’t something I would have suggested.. I just wanted them both to understand the position they’d put me in.. and those were their two reactions.
I don’t have a clue as to why it bothers me so much to be honest. I mean, I don’t think I still have a crush on him.. maybe I’m just selfish and want them both to myself.. I hope not!
Queen of Lost Vampyr wrote:
maybe I’m just selfish and want them both to myself.. I hope not!
That’s understandable too, of course. I think the only reason your friend would have said that is if she really likes this guy, or she’s just really defensive when it comes to feeling controlled. I don’t think you have much to worry about, however (not that I assumed you would) I would not suggest telling your guy friend not to talk to her, because she will be suspicious and get even more annoyed or angry at you
I didn’t try to control her strangely enough.. she reacted instantly, like she knew I’d be unhappy about it.
He said he cares more about my friendship than a “robotic romance” as he called it. I told him he can do what he wants, I don’t think it’s my place to tell them what to do, just to explain my own feelings.
I don’t know whether to keep being friends with her though, I feel uncomfortable and angry and jealous. Mostly angry at her reaction though, it made me feel she really didn’t care about me at all.
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☆MoNiCa☆ wrote:
it might be hard to always be hanging around with someone like this girl… maybe she’s not the best friend for u?? remember, people have a hard time changing, so she’ll probably always be like that.
it is quite hard.. we’ve been friends for so long..that’s why I’m so confused.
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Queen of Lost Vampyr wrote:
☆MoNiCa☆ wrote:
it might be hard to always be hanging around with someone like this girl… maybe she’s not the best friend for u?? remember, people have a hard time changing, so she’ll probably always be like that.
it is quite hard.. we’ve been friends for so long..that’s why I’m so confused.
I have a friend just like that… JUST like that, and eventually we had a bit of a falling out because she became more focused on this guy and being popular than on keeping our friendship…but you know, it hurt a little but I moved on, we’re just not as close as we were…she was a high maintenance friend, anyway.
So.. it would be best to try and distance myself a bit?
☆MoNiCa☆ wrote:
i know what u mean…
maybe since ur such good friends, u’ll be able to accept that she’s a flirt, and just deal with it :)
i have a friend like that… we hung out ALL the time… but when boys came along, she was such a flirt!! and always flirted w/guys that i liked, that she knew i liked!! as if she did it on purpose! (which i’ll never know for sure!) but for me, it got to be too much, and i started hanging around w/other ppl who were more relaxed, like me.
i just wanted to tell u that i know what u mean, and it can be frustrating!! but when u have a bf, it might be even more frustrating having her as a friend…
Yeah…that’s another thing that bothers me about her actually…
if I like a guy, she’ll either start liking him too or criticise me for liking him. I’m glad I’m not alone in this.
And amazed at how decent HE was.
Queen of Lost Vampyr wrote:
So.. it would be best to try and distance myself a bit?
well, yes, and if she’s smart, she’ll start to realize how badly she needs a loyal and forgiving friend like you and be willing to change or just listen to you more. I think you should stay with your guy friend, and let this other girl grow up a little before you start to trust her completely again.
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I hope I can do that.. I don’t want to upset her by distancing myself..I just want to have guy friends without her immediately fancying them..and she keeps acting like I’ve done something awful and she’s all innocent too. If she’d just apologise and act like a real friend I’d forgive her immediately (probably).
Thanks for your advice guys..uh..girls?
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no..doesn’t sound like a good friend at all..
I can’t bring myself dislike her though…just be angry. Don’t know what I’ll do without her.
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Anonymous
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3 years ago (9 months, 2 weeks after post)
i dont blame you for being jealous and no you are not upset over nothing. if you have a crush on him and your friend taes over then there is no reason why you shouldnt be.
What I think is, you have every right to be upset and jealous, I mean come on if she was really your friend(a true friend) and she knew you liked this guy then she would of stopped it right there and then. As for me I have very limited girl friends because of this kind of thing. Cant really trust another woman when it comes to men, I see this all the **** time and it’s sad really. Sounds to me like you love her like a sister but It doesn’t seem she feels the same way hun. I’m sorry for being bold, but If she doesn’t give a **** about your feelings then she ain’t a good enough friend to hang onto. Hope everything turns out alright girl. :)
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jealousy is a big problem trying to have friends because like you stated you can like someone who they like to and it feels like they steal them away from you.its not completely wrong to feel that way but holding grudges and ill feelings is a bad thing.you should give her a shot and forgiveness but if things still dont feel right it could just be time to let your friend go.as you grow older sometimes you tend to grow out of your friends as .so dont let it down you so bad and just look toward the brighter times of your relationship.if there was more good than bad then try to revive that friendship instead of trying to destroy it.
friendship is a huge thing and you can’t get through life with out it. It usually helps if they are good as well. By forgiving her you keep your friendship with your best friend. The other route is to stay jealous and end your friendship over a guy.
Maybe you are not reacting to nothing. Some people are like the way you are, confused. Well then why should i bother you that they talk? I mean sure you have a crush on him, but he’s from a different country and therefore will never meet either of you in person.(well he already met you once)
after reading this..i feel that what happened really sucks :(
happens to everyone at one point in life.
in my opinion..
you can’t really help what happens between two people. unfortunately this situation went sour for you :(
all i can say is that i hope one day you all can get passed this for you alll have once been great friends and probably share memories.
don’t let this get between you..and yes i know. you got screwed over..but hopefully your life brightens up with something better :)
Sweetie, that b#!$h is not your friend it will never stop I promise. You have every right to knock her head off her shoulders you need to realize how beautiful you r on the inside and I guarantee you will start to show on the outside how loyal you are you will glow and you need to realize she isnt your friend anyone who makes you feel less than what you R they have their own insecurities smile you R beautiful!!
i thank you can forgive have you ever heard i i forgive but not forgot i think your friend needs to know that trust is some that takes time to get back..
Anonymous
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2 years, 5 months ago (1 year, 4 months after post)
she just sounds like a *****
a true friend will be true to you no matter what , even if whoever your dating is the most beautiful person in the world they should say to you something like you lucky devil i would , but it should be more like a sister than a lover , i lost my very best friend ata young age and its when theve gone you relise how much you need them , and if they cant see that you dont need them
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hmm well your freind soundes like a **** a true freind is all about oyalty like me my freinds are the same way wen i jump into a fight my freinds d0 to ide jump a bullet for them if u ask them thayed do the same for me so just try to make new freinds and move on if not able go jug or try to get a bf or gf idk your jender or sexuality i skimed threw your post and if your around my age 15 and live in sc ill move to sc in about 2 weeks ill meet you u say wusup gay bi less idc im bi so realy haters theas days phh eny way if you play are at that pont to try to cumit suicide try to think about the good times not the bad think about you fammily and try to help otheres
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