boyfriend help: my boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago after a year of us being together, and i cant seem to deal with it at all! - Help.com

this kinda thing happens all the time and well unless someone else comes along and distracts you I am afraid it’s gonna take time.. probably much more than a month to feel normal again.

Stop fighting the hurt.

The hurt is part of the healing process. You have to go through denial, anger, bargaining (what if I’d been different), depression and then acceptance.

The more you fight your feelings and try to bury them, the longer this will take. Go ahead and be angry. Go ahead and think of ways you could’ve been different. Go ahead and be depressed. You have to get through these stages.

Whenever you feel a strong emotion, welcome it. Dare it to overwhelm you. It can’t. The more you fight emotions, the stronger they are, the more they screw you up. The more you welcome them and deal with them like a dentist’s visit, the better off you are.

That’s how I got through my wife’s death. It works.

You also have to start building a new future for yourself. That means socializing with new people, joining groups, starting new activities. Get out and live your life.

You just have to power through it. I know it’s hard, and I keep wondering when it will stop hurting too. I was with somebody considerably longer than you were, but I remember the sleepless nights, the anger, and anxiety. My girlfriend was in a different country when I got the news and I remember the worst thing was that this person was my best friend and I couldn’t talk to her about what was going on.

I’ve traveled all over the US, met many different girls, and still at night I still think of her. I think everyone has their own ways of coping. But you just got to move on with life and do positive thing to make yourself feel better, if its going to the gym, advancing your career, or having a good social life. It’ll ease the pain for the most part, but you still will think about the other person at times. You just chalk it up to life experience though and move on.

I can tell you that personally it has seemed to harden me with other relationships. I don’t want to get close to anyone and I feel like I have become somewhat of a “player” of sorts. I date and see people, but I don’t really give a **** about them. I think that’s just my problem though and it is case by case basis.

good luck and I know you will get through it. Just take it day by day. Everyone has love and loss, that’s why the music industry thrives.

Anonymous wrote:
I can tell you that personally it has seemed to harden me with other relationships. I don’t want to get close to anyone

That’s the whole problem with not embracing all the stages of loss. You harden yourself up to avoid hurt. I’ve run into people like this and they deprive themselves of all the joys of relationships. Things go wrong, but that’s no reason not to learn from them and take the best out of every experience to use for the next one.

You only punish yourself when you harden up.

im a 21 year old guy…..my ex left me like 4 months ago… over over a year! im exactly like u describe…..i hate being awake….but when i sleep i have horibal dreams about her with other guys ect…so sleep is horibal to….! she wont talk to me at all or see me anymore.., im completly heartbroken…and still cry on a reguler basis! people are starting to think im weird for still being down…and im losing frinds aver it… :( did u find a way of geting better? if so id really like to hear it…..id do anything to stop feeling like this :(