relationship help: My husand refuses to look for work.

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My husand refuses to look for work.

I’m so tired and can’t take his excuses anymore, I think he enjoys collecting unemployment and has developed a lifestyle that he doesn’t want to change. I own a small business that is very physical and lately I’ve been picking up more hours to offset my worry that we will run out of money. I’m physically breaking down and mentally I’m just plain scared.

We’ve talked, argued, whatever and he doesn’t want to change. I’ve tried to explain that women depend upon security, just like he depends upon me to cook, clean and fullfill all the typical gender rolls. I’ve saved up some money as I knew last October his work was coming to an end which it did this April. He looks at the money as just something he can live on when the unemployment runs out. He keeps telling me he needs time to think about everything and find his way again and swears there is no work. Oh, he’s taking one class through our local community college 1 day per week.

He thinks he wants to start doing handyman work with our neighbor who is on the verge of loosing his house. When they did the bathroom floor of our house it consisted of the neighbor doing the work and my husband drinking beer.

Each time we discuss the subject he just says he wants a divorce. I keep saying he’ll pick a divorce over 8 years together? We did draw up the paperwork a couple of weeks ago and I’m thinking of at least having an attorney review it. I do love him but have zero respect. He keeps telling me not to ‘bully’ him…really? Advice please!

This open post was written 4 months ago | V/U/S: 154, 8, 7 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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Since writing this post Anonymous may have helped people, but has not within the last 4 days.

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Time Traveller 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (17 minutes after post)

Get the divorce, he isn’t that interested in the marriage and it’s what he wants. You will be okay on your own.

Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.

Time Traveller 8 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (18 minutes after post)

Do it before you become sick from overwork and he spends all your savings.

Help me with: How depressed are you on a scale of one to ten with ten being almost dead and one being haveing a smile on your face presently.

ClaytonG 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (34 minutes after post)

i don’t have a whole lot of knowledge on this subject but i’d say pickle is right about this. from what you said it sounds like he doesn’t want to get a job and if he really will pick a divorce over getting a job then so be it, don’t drag yourself and your business down with your lazy man.

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EAAdi 0 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (1 hour, 1 minute after post)

No, no. He’s depressed and lacking confidence. He’s running away from reality. I understand not wanting to always have to be the strong one and deal with that mess but save your marriage and try to build him up a little and reassure him, let him know you still love him and believe in him (even if you are having serious doubts about that yourself)…I think it’s really hard for a man to be in that place…a little support can go a long way.

Help me with: I love my boyfriend, who I live with, very much.

scary doll 2 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (1 hour, 11 minutes after post)

My initial reaction was ‘dump him and go for the divorce’ but having read lisaduffy’s post I am rethinking my initial reaction. Was he always this way or has unrmployment dragged him into a deep depression?

Help me with: This is my mothers death notice in the newspapers and I am not even down as being her daughter:

Left 5 #
An Unknown Location | 4 months ago (2 hours, 24 minutes after post)

Try recommending that he goes and talks to his doctor about depression. It sounds as though he feels worthless. Can’t you ask him to help you with your business. Make him feel needed.

srnityblu 3 #
Regina, SK, CA | 4 months ago (4 hours, 48 minutes after post)

A divorce is just his response to a negative feeling or action of what is happening in his life. I am sure that he is depressed more than he wants a divorce.

He has many feelings of inadequacy right now and he may feel like you are making a bigger deal about it which puts more pressure on him that only adds to his helplessness.

Okay so he may not be thinking rationally, and him working with someone who can’t keep their own affairs in order may be his unrealistic way of being a man who “saves the day” there are maybe unrealistic goals in his life right now, and maybe all you can do right now is try to understand what he may be feeling right now.

In Canada we hear how the US has lost almost 500, thousand jobs in June alone… sure there may be jobs, but what? Does your husband have the skills to do these jobs, and is it even worth him going and working for less pay when money is going to go towards gas?

I know its hard because you need your hubby to be there for you, but right now, who is the stronger of the two? You are, and there for you should be allowing him to lean on you, and you should try to support him any way that will help him get through this. You are in this life together .

I like the idea, maybe the two of you could work together in the business… give him somethng that you know he is good at and don’t make him think he is working for you… you both are working for eachother as you are partners in life…it may help you both to start thinking and acting that way.

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courtybubble 191 #
An Undisclosed Location | 4 months ago (11 hours, 9 minutes after post)

kick the lazy ******* out till he can contribute. what a douchebag.

Help me with: Sooooo I was out running with my hellhound, and bent down to pick up her ball….and BOOMCRACKPOPOUCH went something in my back D’:

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My husand refuses to look for work.

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