Life is Spiraling out of Control
I’m a veteran of the USMC, discharged because of a long messed up chain of events. i was attacked and injured by an instructor, did my service for 2 years and the same injury got worse. i tried to get medical attention but was denied being told i was lying. this caused stress which resulted in me seeing a psychiatrist. i was diagnosed and discharged. I have depression, anxiety, memory loss, a tear in my right rotator cuff, a bum left ankle that has been operated on, upper and lower back problems, and two bad knees. up on returning home i found a job and tried to recoup financially. i had wracked up an additional 4k in debt due to spending caused by depression and bad financial planning habits. 8 months after being discharged i had a severe fallout with my then fiance, causing major stress in my life. in an attempt to relax and hang out with friends i was at a bar, ended up arguing with her, and found myself later involved in a nasty lawsuit. One of my “friends” who was at the bar with me got severely drunk, forgot i was driving her home, called her sister, then claimed i assaulted her. The police interviewed only her witnesses, failed to get her BAC at the time of her report, failed to realize she couldnt tell the same story twice in her reports, and also “lost” evidence they had when they showed up to court. yet i was convicted because of my fight with my ex on the phone (i hit a bar table), the judge also said that on top of that the fact that i was a Marine and was seeing a psychologist (he failed to find out it was for anxiety) he deemed that i was a dangerous and unstable individual who must have done the crime. My lawyer did not help my case at all. instead of questioning the errors of the police, and telling the judge about my anxiety and citing the facts that i had that would prove my accuser was perjuring herself at the stand by telling the story and adding more false details yet again (she couldnt even tell the same story she had told the cops when she was in court), he only apologized to the “victim” and told me “now you will get the help you need”. End result…another 5k in debt and 2 years of probation and anger management. My family judges me now for the fact that i am on probation, yet they refuse to read the police reports. They gave me money to pay my creditors and legal fees, yet now they want more every month in return than my creditors wanted, and they also scrutinize every decision i make as if they own my life. They also expect me to repay them for things they bought me while i was in the military that i did not ask them to buy me. I have no money to move out, im holding out as best and as long as i can to hear if i will get help going back to school from the Veterans Administration. But, the stress is getting to me. I’m tired of staying overnight in the VA’s psych ER every time i have an argument with my family and my father gets in my face, causing me to have flashbacks to the instructor that beat me in boot camp. My meds make me feel like a zombie but they are the only ones that work, yet i hate that feeling…..i need a way out and dont have one in sight….any suggestions? I really need help but im running out of options and waiting for the government to tell me if it will help me or not is not helping…i know it takes time but given my situation at home / having no friends i can stay with locally, im feeling like time is almost up. i am not suicidal though ive thought about it in the past, i cant do that to the friends i have left or my family (even if they are making my life rough), but i am definitely losing my mind more and more and ive gotten to the point of my mind racing til i am close to blacking out.
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streetsoldier13 edited this post 3 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
I’m a veteran of the USMC, discharged because of a long messed up chain of events. i was attacked and injured by an instructor, did my service for 2 years and the same injury got worse. i tried to get medical attention but was denied being told i was lying. this caused stress which resulted in me seeing a psychiatrist. i was diagnosed and discharged. I have depression, anxiety, memory loss, a tear in my right rotator cuff, a bum left ankle that has been operated on, upper and lower back problems, and two bad knees. up on returning home i found a job and tried to recoup financially. i had wracked up an additional 4k in debt due to spending caused by depression and bad financial planning habits. 8 months after being discharged i had a severe fallout with my then fiance, causing major stress in my life. in an attempt to relax and hang out with friends i was at a bar, ended up arguing with her, and found myself later involved in a nasty lawsuit. One of my “friends” who was at the bar with me got severely drunk, forgot i was driving her home, called her sister, then claimed i assaulted her. The police interviewed only her witnesses, failed to get her BAC at the time of her report, failed to realize she couldnt tell the same story twice in her reports, and also “lost” evidence they had when they showed up to court. yet i was convicted because of my fight with my ex on the phone (i hit a bar table), the judge also said that on top of that the fact that i was a Marine and was seeing a psychologist (he failed to find out it was for anxiety) he deemed that i was a dangerous and unstable individual who must have done the crime. My lawyer did not help my case at all. instead of questioning the errors of the police, and telling the judge about my anxiety and citing the facts that i had that would prove my accuser was perjuring herself at the stand by telling the story and adding more false details yet again (she couldnt even tell the same story she had told the cops when she was in court), he only apologized to the “victim” and told me “now you will get the help you need”. End result…another 5k in debt and 2 years of probation and anger management. My family judges me now for the fact that i am on probation, yet they refuse to read the police reports. They gave me money to pay my creditors and legal fees, yet now they want more every month in return than my creditors wanted, and they also scrutinize every decision i make as if they own my life. They also expect me to repay them for things they bought me while i was in the military that i did not ask them to buy me. I have no money to move out, im holding out as best and as long as i can to hear if i will get help going back to school from the Veterans Administration. But, the stress is getting to me. I’m tired of staying overnight in the VA’s psych ER every time i have an argument with my family and my father gets in my face, causing me to have flashbacks to the instructor that beat me in boot camp. My meds make me feel like a zombie but they are the only ones that work, yet i hate that feeling…..i need a way out and dont have one in sight….any suggestions? I really need help but im running out of options and waiting for the government to tell me if it will help me or not is not helping…i know it takes time but given my situation at home / having no friends i can stay with locally, im feeling like time is almost up. i am not suicidal though ive thought about it in the past, i cant do that to the friends i have left or my family (even if they are making my life rough), but i am definitely losing my mind more and more and ive gotten to the point of my mind racing til i am close to blacking out.
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