Love help: I made the mistake of dating my best friend. - Help.com

i dated my bf too…. its was hard after being friends for so long and then trying to be in a dating relationship was what made us not work as a couple. How long was the relationship? is it possible she still has feelings more then friendship?

We dated for 6 months, and I don’t think she has any more feelings for me, not even friendship. Which is partly why it seems so strange. So I thought that maybe she was trying to repress all feelings, even friendship. But if so, it’s not helping either of us very much. She also talks about her new boyfriend a lot, and she sounds crazy about him, but she falls in love and out of love very quickly. (I’m case in point) I just assumed it’d be different since we were friends.

yeah well when “bob” and i dated we made a big effort from the get go to maintain the friendship… and it was really hard at times….. we were even roommates in a house at one point after. I know how you feel with when she talks about the new guy… it sucked when “bob” would talk about other girls…. but he confessed to me one drunken evening that it bothered him when i would talk about guys even 2 years later. B/c it made him analyze himself. Do you always bring it up? could you focus on hanging out and not talking about it? do you work/school together(depending on your age)?

I think that’s a good point, she really hates it now, if I say anything that a friend might remark on, for example, yeah I think you have a tendency for doing… this. So I think I might make her uncomfortable through forced introspection. We go to college in different places now, and I bring it up often, I can’t seem to help it. It means a lot to me you know, and I always respected and valued her honesty and openness. And once when we were both in our hometown again, we did hang out without talking about it, and we had a great time, but things went back to being awkward when she left. (No more effort or apparent interest)

yeah you really need to focus on maintaining the friendship. and except the fact that it has changed a little… let her talk about her new guy and if she asks your opinion give it but don’t unless she asks. and you can even say soemething along the lines of…. I value you alot as a person, and the friendship we have. I am sorry if I have made it awkward, it was my last intention to do so. and then dont bring up the relationship at all.. saying that in a simple e-mail would most likely be easiest.

and your in a new relationship correct? imagine how your gf feels, if she knows this convo happens alot….. i bet she is confused by it and a little hurt. thinking you still have other feelings for your ex. just a thought

Thanks for the advice. I guess I don’t want to accept the fact that the friendships changed cause I don’t feel like it should have. My gf knows about the situation and she’s fine with it, but I guess i’m very lucky to have such an understanding gf. It also doesn’t really help that my gf now doesn’t quite make me feel the same…

one last thing then i’m off to bed….. you must have a really great gf, most girls wouldn’t be that cool. but just be sensitive to it, b/c it may not always be the case and of course you dont feel the same, every relationship is different… so you will feel different. thats one of the wonderful things about dating, making you understand what you want in a relationship. the different things they can make you feel. and if you arent over your ex(which it kinda sounds like).. then is it really fair to be with someone else? put all the energy into your new gf that you have been putting into figuring out how to fix the friendship and let that fix itself

yep nope

SayItsSo wrote:
yep nope

Thanks for posting on here, but I don’t really understand what this is supposed to mean.