As I write this I am shaking with anger and disgust and fear. - Help.com

As I write this I am shaking with anger and disgust and fear.

I have come to hate my younger brother and his behaviour its tearing me and my family apart. How do I begin to tell this story…?

My brother is 17 years old. I’m a 19 year old (sensitive) girl. My brother has ALWAYS been the favourite, which Ive always delt with (I always refer to him as Golden Boy). When we were a bit younger my parents went to B&Q and my brother turned on me in one of those bother-sister arguements. He strangled me for a few moments then let me run to my parents room (with a lock on the door) I sat and tried to ring them to come home while he covers his fingers in phesent blood (my brother hunts) and waggles them under the door to frighten me. That was years ago. He’d been a bully in our house for years after that. Although my parents always continued to believe he was amazing and perfect.
Then a few months back he turned on me again for no reason. It was night time, I was watched Britains Got Talent, he was on his Facebook. I asked (very nicely, I’m serious) if I could check something on the computer in a minute. I didnt nag or demand, but the next thing I know the computer desk chair is hurled back and he’s shouting and swearing, bright red in the face. He shouts horrid things at me and says I’m not the look at his facebook. When I say I wont close the page because he can be back on it in two minutes he punches the computer so it shuts down. I’m horrified and he stomps off, swearing and saying vile things about me while I sit and sob. I hop in my car and drive up the road (I want to be out the house) and phone my boyfriend. I then see a red car driving past serveral times with its lights off in the dark. I realise its Golden Boy and panic… what the hell is he doing??? I’m petrified and race home and lock myself in my room and try and sleep.
The next say my parents agree to have a word with him. They sit him down and ask him to explain what happened last night… Im on the stairs and I hear my name as he lies about what I did to provoke him. My parents dont by it and tell him they want the truth. Golden Boy erupts. He screams he’s leaving, he hates us all, he’s never coming back. When I hear a smash I race downstiars and see my father has had to pin Golden Boy to the floor. He’s bright red and has vains sticking out of his head and is terrifying, screeching at my dad and swearing. Father’s putting bad preasure on his chest but says he will only let him up if he agrees to talk. Finally Golden Boy hisses “fine. alright” and father lets him up and we all sit in the living room. Mum is already in tears. Father tries to talk to Golden Boy but he erupes about and screams “I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!” and punches himself in the face. My mum grabs him quickly but with a mighty yell he throws himself and my mother at the kitchen door, smashing the glass to bits. After a lot of yelling and crying and “call the police!” from me, Golden Boy has knackered himself out and calms down, with his head bleeding and throbbing. Mum takes him to hospital and father and I sweep up glass and go to bed, although I dont think anyone slept that night.
The next day Golden Boy left home and I was so overwhelmed with relief, I couldnt belive it. I was so much happier since he left I felt I can live in my house without feeling unwelcome or looked down on. for a while.
Golden Boy still makes his appearence now and again. While he now speaks fine to mum and dad, he has decided to shut me off from his life. he turns up usually when no one else but me is home. Then he glares, stamps, grunts, coughs up phlem loudly (i know - charming…) and slams doors. I feel like a little mouse agian and pray its the last time he walks in the door.

But now its months later. He still hasnt said a word to me and my parents have started to resent me for him not being here. I feel even after everything they wish I’d left not him. My dad even shouted at me last week and said he looked forward to it being just him and mum. I left in tears and slept in my car that week and didnt get one text to ask where I was. I felt suicidal. Why does Golden Boy have such a hold on them?
Next month my parents are going on holiday for a week. I’m so frightened I cant begin to explain my emotions. I know Golden Boy will choose that week to come home and inflict terror on me and I have no where else to go. I tried to break the ice this evening by leaving him a facebook comment and he deleted it.
What am I to do? I’m so frightened and at my age its so stupid. I should have bigger things to deal with than my own brothr. He’s ruining my life. Help, I have no where to go or turn to and cannot afford to move out. Please offer me help x

This open post was written 3 months, 3 weeks ago | V/U/S: 193, 6, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post

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