This is hopeless
i stopped controlling myself around a friend of mine, who i had hoped i had my emotions or something in cheque with, i love her. she wanted me to be more open and not tax myself, i tried so much to stop it all, stop worrying and even stop caring so much to the point where it was damaging to our relationship. now everythings wrong. i’m not fun, it sucks to talk to me (we do most of our talking on msn). i know it sucks, i feel depressed and totally apathetic. i’m saying stupid crap, nothing thats even good. i can’t even say anything that makes her laugh, i have no sense of humour. its like its made me depressed. i can’t just stay happy, and i keep bouncing in and out of being ‘okay’, which still sucks, and being depressed where it can get so low i just wish i would die. i don’t know how to fix it, i only assume its because of our relationship because when i really try to remember what she responded to its a bit better. but it just keeps collapsing again.
also, hanging out with her used to give me a real calming feeling and made everything okay. now its having less and less of an effect, and things are just getting worse and wrong around her. i’m completely lost. i have no motivation and everything just feels out of reach.
This open post was written 3 months, 2 weeks ago | V/U/S: 112, 4, 2 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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Westnoteast edited this post 3 months, 2 weeks ago. Read the previous text »
this is hopeless
i stopped controlling myself around a friend of mine, who i had hoped i had my emotions or something in cheque with, i love her. she wanted me to be more open and not tax myself, i tried so much to stop it all, stop worrying and even stop caring so much to the point where it was damaging to our relationship. now everythings wrong. i’m not fun, it sucks to talk to me (we do most of our talking on msn). i know it sucks, i feel depressed and totally apathetic. i’m saying stupid crap, nothing thats even good. i can’t even say anything that makes her laugh, i have no sense of humour. its like its made me depressed. i can’t just stay happy, and i keep bouncing in and out of being ‘okay’, which still sucks, and being depressed where it can get so low i just wish i would die. i don’t know how to fix it, i only assume its because of our relationship because when i really try to remember what she responded to its a bit better. but it just keeps collapsing again.
also, hanging out with her used to give me a real calming feeling and made everything okay. now its having less and less of an effect, and things are just getting worse and wrong around her. i’m completely lost. i have no motivation and everything just feels out of reach.
rondiecat
Kidyouodaily
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