I’m 16.
Every morning I wake up and feel like I’d have been better off dying in my sleep. I walk around with a big moody face, storming down the halls. Everyone yells things at me every single day and that sort of gets me down. I’ve taken an overdose of paracetamol but it didn’t work. I wanted to leave my life so badly.
More recently, my perception of reality has become blurred to the point I don’t know what’s real anymore. It’s like my whole perception has just been blurred and I think things that aren’t true to ME, or I am paranoid all the time because of something that happened on “role-play”. Sure, you could say, just stop the role playing then…no such luck. I have more than one rp’ing account on myspace and…I can’t stop. It’s meant to be helping me…it was at first…but I guess now I’m sort of “becoming my characters” Or, sometimes I’ll act out a scenario that maybe I’d seen on TV or rp’ed about, and it feels like reality…but it’s not…
I also self harm. I have done so for a long, long time and I once managed to go four months, 13 days without cutting. But I started again. I can’t seem to stop for a long amount of time anymore. Maybe I’m just crazy to be feeling like this all the time. I’ve even cut words into my leg, like “dead”.
I know I need some sort of proffesional help. Sometimes I wouldn’t mind going into an institution or going to a therapist. But I would be too scared to call anyone up, or even tell my mum and step-dad. It’s all too much for me. I just want to die all the time.
This open post was written 2 years, 11 months ago | V/U/S: 410, 16, 5 | Edit Post | Leave a reply | Report Post
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