friends help: I find it difficult to trust people - Help.com

Try trusting people you like, but assume they’re gonna let you down. It’ll be nice when someone surprises you.

^ that’s how I go.
Always; ALWAYS expect the worst.

Im the same - too many people who I considerd friends let me down and turned out to be, well not what they seemed.

I never get too involved, but try being friendly with people without commiting yourself. Eventually, people will get to know you and you can decide if you want their friendship or not.

It will work eventually.

Personally, I don’t trust anyone anymore.

I put all my trust into one person for 8 years, who turned around and confessed everything she’d ever told me was a lie. I don’t find people are suitable to have my trust. I mean, best friend of 8 years can even turn on you.

It’s something you develop. If you can talk to someone openly, or maybe tell them something about your life, you’re ‘beginning’ to trust them. Find someone who you can openly have conversation with.

I know I spill my guts to strangers. I know I’ll never see them again, and I don’t have to worry about them telling anyone because they live halfway across the world. =]

Heyyy. =] I’m only 16.

I’m here if you ever need to spill your guts. The map says you live in the Uk or near it? I’m in Ohio. Very far away.

People are going to shoot you down. it’s part of life, but, you’ll find people who will listen to you. sometimes, you might need to actually listen to yourself. You might already KNOW why you can’t trust anybody, and you could probably fix it on your own.

For me, I can’t because I’m afraid they’ll ruin me.
I’m afraid to tell my life story, but I really think it makes me look mentally challenged to have believed anything she said.

I don’t trust people, because I saw there was NOTHING wrong with our friendship, and out of the blue she dropped me like a box of rocks. I’m afraid of liars. I’m afraid of commitment. I’m afraid to make friends with someone, and have to worry about them leaving me down the road.

For me, it’s too much to handle.

I’m not sure if something with who last hurt you, or let you down was a major thing, or made a huge impact on your life, but that could be the source.
What is it that everyone does that made you not trust them anymore?

Some people can be trusted with somethings and others not. Learning what they are and not forgetting helps. Try going out to lunch and not disclosing any personal info. It’ll be hard, but a good exercise:)

Trust is something that’s in your mind.
You ALLOW it. Just open yourself up.
Just talking to people can make it better.
Make friends, and find someone who shares their ’secrets’ with you. =]

Be safe, but take little risks:) Have a friend introduce you to a stranger they know and to be good person:) Asking is sometimes the hardest thing.

i know that simply starting to trust people is easier said than done. after all, seems like for quite a long time it’s how you think and feel. i think the trick here is to recognize that people aren’t perfect, even friends! :) it’s possible that you have previously let someone down as well, oftentimes not on purpose and you’re not aware of it. maybe if you try to focus on a person’s good traits instead of the possibility of him/her letting you down it may change you attitude about them a bit. :) this has happened to me before when all my close friends seem to let me down at the same time (and to think i have very few friends). it sucks. but i focused instead to all the good times we’ve had and more good times we can have in the future. the latter is more applicable to new people you meet.

good luck! :)

People will be letting you down all of your life, it’s something nobody likes but we all experience it at some point.

Trust is tricky. I think that a lot of people Have no trust and the other person can earn it over time others trust without question until they are let down. I assume that the key is to find balance as both of these ways lead to false assumptions. Also remember that everyone sees the world from their own unique perspective. In our eyes they may be wrong or untrustworthy but behind their actions may lie good reasons. Trust for others is often about judgement and assumption which in itself can be a dangerous thing. Also important I think is to look closely and examine in depth whether you trust yourself..

Trust is a big word. Trying not to sweat the small stuff and keeping busy helps. Friends sometimes get away with a little crap as a strange wouldn’t let them:) It’s hard to teach people how to use you. You can start by using more actions then words. Walk away and do something else when they’re being disrespectful. Join or help on projects, but be selective with whom you open up to. It shows control when you use the words “I don’t know enough about you to answer that”. The world is full of control freaks…lol. You’ll be okay:)

I’m having the exact same problem - and it is actually the reason why I joined this site. My relationship is deeply suffering because of my inability to trust. I keep pushing him away by making accusations that he doesn’t like and that he’s lying about everything. It is a long-distance relationship, which does make things especially difficult.

He’s becoming very annoyed at my behaviour, but I don’t know how to stop it. I want to be able to trust him… but just can’t. I’m scared of being hurt and burned. It’s as simple as that. Subconsciously I am sabotaging the relationship by keeping him at arms length.

Self-confidence is also contributing to the problem as I feel that I’m not worthy and don’t satisfy him - the way he should be satisfied.

I really feel for you Estrella because I know exactly what you’re going through - and it really is horrible :(

Even with friends I consider close - I never fully trust them, and it’s a shame.

Anyway, I found this video which seems to be a little useful:

http://www.5min.com/Video/I-want-to-t…

All he wants from me is trust - and every day I wish I could give it to him. I just wish he could understand that it’s not as simple as that. I can’t go from 0 to 100 that quickly. Especially when I’ve lived my whole life being detached, emotionally, from other people because of my fear.

“I really feel for you Estrella because I know exactly what you’re going through - and it really is horrible :(

Even with friends I consider close - I never fully trust them, and it’s a shame.”

Have they ever given you a reason to feel that way?
If not, your half way there to resolving your issue:)
Knowing that there is a problem is a big step.
Some people try to control people and have trust issues as their past has conditioned them that way.

It’s a fear issue and they feel that if they give tests to their friends, it’ll make them feel better. You’re so right that the behavior is wrong.

Work on the control issue.
Increase your self esteem.
Understand if the worst happened, you would get over it:)

It’s healthier:)

xfamiliarrealm wrote:
^ that’s how I go.
Always; ALWAYS expect the worst.

Oh….my….you are cheating yourself:(
Try..always expect something new:)
When you meet a person..look in their eyes…no talking. Just a smile:)

Max thank you SO much. I think I’m understanding what you’re saying. I just hope that I haven’t pushed him away for good :(

If he’s still around great:) Long distance relationships are a challenge anyway.

“If it’s meant to be it’ll will” :)

What’s cool is it’s only a relationship, not a marriage. Better now then later.

What happen yesterday is the past. You’ll have a bright future and if he’s in it cool, if not….you’ll deal with it. I try to deal with only “real” issues. If he needs time to think great, it shouldn’t take longer then a couple of days. That’s his issue.

P.S. I forget sometimes that some of the relationship issues here are about learning.
With out meaning to insult anyone..relationship…degrees…for lack of a better word are greatly related to your age. Trying to grow up and form a committed relationship to early is cheating yourself from the learning process. It will only come back to haunt you later and if not you…your partner.

Try the phase..”I am or you are”…a little too young to commit right now:) Lets just be honest for a while and see what that brings:)

You would tie yourself down to a career so quickly without research or pressure, why do it to your life partner:)
He or she may be a life friend instead.

Well i find myself in the same predicament as Squeege. In the past i had a five year and at the end i found out she cheated on me with not 1 but 12 out of 14 of my closest friends. now 5 years later ive gone through relationship after relationship subconsciously destroying them thinking the worst thing possible will and is going to happen if i trust the person.

I finally met the girl i want to marry but during the second month she lied to me about where she was going one friday night and i found out from a friend of a friend that she was really at her ex’s house. I assumed the worst there that she was out cheating on me but she claims that she was only trying to get him to back off the begging and crying that he wants to be back with her. the next week she went over there again but i knew ahead of time and alllowed it jhsut to put an end to his meddling in our affairs. the phone calls persisted for a while longer until i flipped on her and told her to choose between me n him or im gone. the problem is he still calls her every once in a while but from what she says its not of the “i want to be back with u” nature and more just normal friend stuff. my problem is ill never know the truth. she wont tell me for fear of making me flip again. she says shes terrified of my temper and my lack of trust in her but she keeps her phone on silent and whenever we are together she waits until i leave the room to check it. this in turn sparks the imagination and i think im making it out to be something that its not.

Like it makes me feel like shes lieing and being sneaky and i confronted her on it Saturday and we broke up over it. She claims thats she only keeps the phone on silent so i dont get mad at her but the sneaking makes it even worse. She wont let me look at her phone becuase its her privacy but the worst part for me is not knowing what she is up to and who she talks to. im not saying i want to read her texts. jsut want to scroll down the list and make sure she isnt sextin w/ anyone..

I need to know im the only one like she says i am and that shes telling me the truth esspecially with her past(according to her/my mutual friends she has always kept 2 guys on the side at any given time but she tells me that with me its different becuase she actually loves me and her actions 80% of the time seem legitimate).

but were on the verge of getting back together but i have to learn how to trust her. she makes it sound so easy when im more afraid of trusting her; or any female on the planet for that matter; then i am by terrorist with a gun. Seriously.

Any advice would be great. my heart says shes the one but my mind refuses to acknowledge and tells me to gtfo before i do more permanent dmg.

Don’t trust yourself and listen to people who care about you. The heart tends to make us stupid, deaf and unreasonable…lol. Man up!