I had pretty much forgotten that I made a posting on this website. It has been over a year since. Now I find myself in the position of looking back on my life and the evidence of what is real. A year ago I held the vision of a dream in wanting…however the sobering presence of reality and “what is” showed up in my life. Fighting with all of my power to create that dream, is what almost ended me. The balancing of my life as it was, with the pursuit of the dream proved to be more than I was able to withstand. Heart complications mixed together with a loss of vitality landed me in the hospital in the most abrupt fashion. Things were happening completely beyond any of my control or fore knowledge and with accelerated speed. Before I knew it, I found myself out of a job and no guaranteed source of income. With compromised health, I spent many days planted in my bed. Just trying to generate the energy to get up and go to the washroom was incredibly challenging…etc, etc.
What does this all have to do with your question, you might be wondering? Everything!
When you are helplessly stuck and are unable to move around, life affords itself the opportunity to grab your attention and show you some things you might not otherwise see. To try and shorten this narrative I’ll offer what I’ve come to know as the truth for me.
1. I am not alone. It’s really amazing at how quickly loving support shows up for you during a time of crisis. From friends, family, and acquaintances. People, when given the opportunity are genuinely compassionate and kind.
2. Whatever I think I want or need may not be appropriate or accurate. While the dream I was fighting for to create had great intentions, it became painfully obvious that anything that involves fighting isn’t worth it in the long run. Especially when it could cost you your life. But who would know the end could be so near?
3. Finally…if I’m willing to let go and trust, there is an effortless power at work that will supply any or all of my essential needs. I know this now looking back over the last few months of the evidence of all of my needs being exceedingly met. Looking beyond that what else is there to long for.
What has proven to be the ah-ha moment for me in bringing soul satisfaction into my life was discovering the answer to this question, “who am I?”…Not…”What is it that I want?”
When first pondering the question I almost went on another wild goose chase with a lot of reasoning, thinking, and expending lots of energy. Stepping back from it like one starring at a painting hoping to see the revelation of the artist’s intent, I had my answer. I am a beloved child of God. I don’t mean that in a religious fanatical way. But rather in a candid moment, peeling back the layers of my ego. All that I could see, by the evidence of the loving kindness that had showered me over these past few months with precisionist detail and timing. Were the fingerprints of a power that proved itself as Divine and whom I now know as my loving God.
Since witnessing this humble revelation, my life has started to function with effortless ease. I have to remind myself on a regular basis that I’m not doing anything, rather I’m being done. With that, my life feels like I’m in my dreams awake. Things happen daily for me as they are presented and I am actively waiting for its arrival. My life’s direction has me moving toward a new career that is in total alignment with who I am and not who I think I should be. Everyday is now an adventure, can’t wait to see what comes next. I am likened to a child at christmas morning filled with excited anticipation to open his present and not having any idea what’s inside. Either way it’s all good!
Peace and Joy
frost_eterna
lsatnik
Anonymous