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hey how everyone doing, i have a bunch of problems.
the psychs say i have anxiety, depression, personality disorder, ocd, bipolar, and paranoyia….i feel as if he dont really want to help me, they perscribed something called zyprexa, abilify at one time but it didnt work. i feel like everyones talking about me. like everyone hates me and out to get me. i can convince myself that it isnt true sometimes but i can only convince myself this for so long, then i do something stupid. one time i almost went out to kill my best friend because i thought he was plotting to do me harm, but my wife is my filter she talked me out of it, and we went to a hotel room instead so id feel safe. the doctor says i have no homicidal tendencies and that id do better if i just take the pills. i didnt trust them so i got my medical report, and havent been to see him. i get very nervous around people to where i cant talk, i dropped out of college because of this, i also cant do any group therapies.i cant make eye contact because i feel like im being profiled, and that makes me more uncomfortable. me and the dr never got into my childhood, because i wasnt that open with him because i didnt know him. i went to diffrent doctors and i told one i didnt trust my brother anymore and started crying because i didnt know what to do, and i was exhausted, staying up everynight thinking of the negativity. and she told me to be a man that i was acting soft. lol… thats why i hate people, and hate being around them. no one knows how to be nice anymore. at that point i was so tired i seriously thought of committing suicide and was trying to find ways of doing it, even thoe im catholic and know whats gonna happen afterwards. i feel my mother and father talks about me, and of course i know i have a few ocd’s. do you know of anything else i might be able to try…better yet should i see a new doctor, all he asks me is how im feeling lately lol, and of course its always the same.. the med makes me more how should i say calm, but it does nothing for the way i think, and im familiar with distorted thinking patterns but i cant shake these feelings. should i try something new, anything this s… is so tiring, something need to be done
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