Everyone has a secret they keep. - Help.com

I wish I could just say put all the sharp things out of the house and don’t do that again. Instead I will say I’m passing you a hug, and I hope things start getting better now that you’ve taken a minute to release.

No problem. Always here to listen. I’ve got a secret that would prolly get me shot, so hush hush ;P. Can’t tell unfortunately, I don’t wanna have to move to a different state if my secret leaked. I do like telling the not so glamorous things to people I trust OR strangers….but, maybe some day in the far future. I’ve never cut, so I don’t understand why a person would want to, but it can’t be as addicting as cigarettes or alchohal I would think (only drank a little). Well, You’ll find some guy that loves you, then you’ll have it set. Best of luck ;P

Reverting back to our old bad habbits happens sometimes. I know it happens ot me all the time. You can get through this! I know you can! if not, then what hope is there for the rest of us? I feel like im going to cut everyday and it scares me so badly.

I wish i could give you a big hug. I know i like big hugs when im sad and upset. Just take care of yourself and keep on living. ANd oyu can always talk to us!

whenever you are feelin down, remember to smile! :)

becca_j151 wrote:
thanks. just some times i feel like i cant do it anymore. i just want to curl into a ball and cry myself to death. and im sick of hiding this part of myself to everyone. ive been pretending to be happy for my hole life and i just want to be depressed now.

You dont want to be depressed! Who wants to be? I know i dont but i have to live with it too… all i wanted to do today was to leave work and come home and curl up in a ball on my bed and just cry myself into a deep sleep, but i didnt becuase there are just some things we have to live with. I honestly dont know how i have survived this long.

Times can get really rough but we just have to roll with the punches.

That is just what you need to do, stop pretending. Get it out in open. Talk about it. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Release it with out cutting.

Do you think the depression could also be chemical in nature? Perhaps medication would help? Talk to a doctor.

babacup wrote:
That is just what you need to do, stop pretending. Get it out in open. Talk about it. Allow yourself to feel the pain. Release it with out cutting.

I agree.

becca_j151 wrote:
im afraid to tell my friends or anyone tho. i dont know why. i have a very hard time opening up to people. i wanted to bad to put this on anonymous but i thought id feel better if i put it as myself. i have such a hard time opening up.:(

Thats bcause you have been hiding your whole life. You should fully open up to your frends and family.. its hard but you will find out who your friends are and then you will feel soooo much better to have a clean slate to show the world who you really are and your sweet and kind and a beautiful person all the way around!

It is hard. It is hard for me still to this day and I have had years of therapy. But being happy is when who you are in the inside, is the same as who you are on the outside. Even if means being a depressed mess for a while. (been there done that, more then once) But once it is out in the open, it starts to change for the better.

becca_j151 wrote:
im afraid to tell my friends or anyone tho. i dont know why. i have a very hard time opening up to people. i wanted to bad to put this on anonymous but i thought id feel better if i put it as myself. i have such a hard time opening up.:(

We cold be compared to teddy bears, always listening, and if we get yelled at we always forgive.

Sadly, we all have a mask we put on to the rest of the world, that was my biggest problem, but we get throe it all and we get better.

Oh, and for fether reference, not all men are like the high school bf.

*gives chocolets*

becca_j151 wrote:
well ya. but its kind of hard to trust a guy now. cause there were many other guys but i just didnt say. there were also alot of other problems i didnt say too. so its more than u think

seems its a trend now-a-days, well feel free to invite me to eney post.

Are you still in contact with that friend from college? It would be a great time to give him a call.

I’m sorry to hear that. What do you think made you be able to open up to him like that?

becca_j151 wrote:
he opened up to me first. and it made me feel so good that he opened up that i felt that i could trust hima nd open up to him a little as well.

That sounds so lovely. I hope you find another friend like him. One that allows you to be you (the good and the bad) and one that will be open with you. I am sure that person is closer then you think. You might just have to be the first one to open up this time.

How about seeing a therapist. That is where I started getting help. It feels weird at first but it has helped me.

And I think for now, you should not get a new boyfriend. Because what happens is, if you do not work through all this ****, you are going to end up with same type of guy. Now you don’t want that. You need to get yourself mentally healthy so you attract a mentally healthy guy.

I am off to bed. I will check back tomorrow.

People who have never experienced clinical depression or any kind of serious ongoing depression never understand the power that these feelings can possess. It is an unrelenting, all consuming state that we go through and it can alter your perception of emotions, people, and life to such a degree, that it can become delusional. It’s like taking a bad drug. I know how you feel and I have inflicted pain on myself at times. People do it for different reasons. In my case, my life is so depressing and so boring, at times, that any kind of sensation, even physical pain, makes me feel alive. It may seem perverse to some, but it makes perfect sense to me.

The only thing I can tell you, is that there are others out there like you. It’s a pity we don’t show ourselves and seek comfort from each other. In the past, I did find some like me, and I did what I could, but most just run away.

Don’t run. Try to find people who can make you feel good. I know most people are so consumed with their lives, their money, and their families, that they forget there’s a world full of people out there who need and crave attention and affection.

BTW I never tell sad people to “cheer up and smile”, which is insulting. I only tell them that if they need a good listener, or whatever they need, they can call me. Few take me up on the offer.

You have taken a huge step by opening up here to us. Several very fine people have responded and every single one of them is offering support. Doesn’t that make you feel better about opening up to others about what is inside?
While it is true that some of the people you meet in life may not have the desire or ability to offer kindness and understanding, most do. Also, most people you meet have a need to be heard and to receive encouragement. Giving and receiving kindness and understanding is worth learning to do as it is the basis for friendship. Build on what you started with this post.

I am so glad that you came here.

becca_j151 wrote:
but i cant open up to my friends. ive tried and i cant. its different. ive never REALLY thought about death until right now where i want to die.

goodnight.

Is it late where you are?

I just noticed that you have been a helper here for a long time. How come you are not on my friends list?

I don’t post very often, but I try to help a little every day. How about you?